This is ridiculous. Of course Dr. Harley doesnt approve of sex tapes being made.

This is a recording for his protection. He would be stupid to not record EVERY MINUTE around his wife while she is in the fog.

I thought i cleared this up, the actual act was not observed, I did this with no intent, but only to protect myself. I'm sure Dr. Harley wouldn't want us filming SF for the fun of it. I do know alot of stuff is caught on those nanny cams.

I performed a sex act with my wife while she was active in her affair...and two weeks later she called it RAPE!
So definitely protect yourself.

Jedi, I maintain that if having sex with someone is too risky because they might cry rape, then don't have sex with them.

It is a very bad, no good thing to tape someone having sex without their consent.

In WD's case, he has cleared up that it wasn't filmed, so these follow up clarifications are hypothetical, not specific to WD.

I would be more concerned about STD.
Remember, the Om may be sleeping with 10 other women!

I would love to have my wife and family back. As I have stated her several times, I can only believe that the reasons I have been so calm during this entire ordeal has been my faith in God. This is the only logical explenation I can give. I don't know what to say alot during the fog talk, but one thing I have master is being calm. I noticed every time my wife would spew her nonsense I would just listen to it and let it roll right off my back, I even agreed with her on some of the things she would say. I know she has been trying to get me to break so I would say something that would be hurtful to validate all of her feelings, I just don't break. I myself don't even understand it. [/quote]


As I said, God is with you, this is why you have no desire to drink and you are letting everything roll off you and not reacting. You are stepping back and thinking about plan A and what is best for you and wife and family.

You are blessed to have Dr. Harley validating the choices you are making (plan A etc.} and you should absolutely take advantage of Dr. Harley's offer to help you.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to mend WD's relationship with his Darling SS? I think this is a very important part for recovery.

You are a warrior, WD, listen to Melodylane, and others here that are giving you some awesome advice, and may I say once again, you are a WARRIOR.

You are doing the right thing. And it is great that Dr. Harley is on board with your situation!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Miss M,
WD's challenge is that SS must know the truth because no doubt, his wife was whitewashing her actions and vilifying his. And even though Mrs. WD appears to be poking her head out of the fog, I do not believe that she will condone telling SS the truth. This will be an issue. Radical honesty must be agreed upon by WD and his wife. However, once SS see's the two are in love again, if it comes to pass, then a big barrier will be removed.

Don't mean to put the cart before the horse, but if things recover WD should read these links by Dr. Harley on blended families:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5008_qa.html

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5008b_qa.html

I agree with Justthe3ofus, the SS is old enough to be told the truth and is on his way to being an adult and should be treated as one, together as a family relieving his fears and anger because of all the adultery lies that have also infected his life.
14 year olds want to be respected and treated like they have some say in their family life too. He is probably scared and probably being triggered a little as well.
Honesty always is respected.

WD

I don't question your intent, but you have a hot potato in your hands. Filming a person naked without consent is illegal just about everywhere. If it ever comes out that you have a cam setup, your W will figure out that this event was taped as well. It could blow up a recovery.

On the other hand if you destroy the tape you lose your protection from an assault accusation and you might not be able to convince her the tape is really gone anyways.

I would assume that your W or SS might find it anywhere in your house. It needs to be sealed and in a safe place. You don't want it to surface unless you need the evidence it provides.

Here is what my wife s is tuck on. She told me yesteday as she talked some fog babble, that I can't forget that we had marriage problems prior to the A, I understand this and I own up to them, and she knows this by acknowledging my changes, However in her babble she did say not directly thats why she had the A. I know I will never take responsibility for her Affair, she even tried to make it sound like she didn't start the affair until after she filed for divorce. I'm know idiot, she had been doing something with this guy prior. I just missed it all.

She feels that SS hates me and will never come around. I totaly disagree, I can get along with anyone, believe it or not our relationship was not that bad, he respected me and he did what I asked of him, we just didn't hang out, I remember times he would get close to me and then pull away. I think he felt he would be betraying his father. I do have some work with him, I have done some reading and this not uncommon.

My wife told me yesterday that his dad may go after custody of him if they were to come back to the house, because of what I did exposing the affair. I simply disagreed, just fog babble.

She did poke her head out of the fog yesterday, she talked about going to church together, she talked about being together, maybe buying a home closer to town, we live in the country now. So I still have a a lot of ground to cover.

The video never captured us naked, the way I angled the camera did not capture the actual act or any nudity. So I'm not worried.

At this point I continue with Plan A, what about POSOM?? what if he comes back into the picture, heck he still could be. My wife hasn't come home. I'm not a mind reader, but I bet she feels as if she comes home everyone will start talking, she is so worried about what everyone else thinks. She really is so hung up on what everyone else thinks. I'm sure she has told everyone how crazy I am. I don't even care what people think of me. I know when they see us standing side by side in a loving committed marriage they won't even think about the rest.

I too had a situation in which I was greatly wronged and weighed legal action. It was by a former employer. No, I wasn't incarcerated but I did have 10's of thousands of $$ on the line. I opted to NOT take legal action for the fact that I knew the emotional drain would be great. Attorneys, court dates, legal fees, all the back and forth. Most suits take years to resolve.

Are you willing to emotionally invest in this pursuit while at the same time dealing with your wife's affair? R is hard. Very hard. Extremely emotionally taxing. I would imagine that taking on both of these battles at the same time is going to be quite a challenge.

Picking your battles is quite strategic.

if she agrees to permanently end her affair, you will need to move out of state.

She is going back and forth between you and OM.
This can continue for months until her affair dies a natural death.

This my friend is one of THE key factors in where you stand today.

She has valid concerns. That is why I have encouraged you time and again to continue to focus on cleaning up your side of the fence.

Have you bought Love Busters yet? If not, PLEASE do so. Today.

For R to be successful, you will BOTH have to join in the R together. MB's has ALL the tools that you will both need to solve your problems. I would let her know that you totally understand her concerns and that you completely understand WHY she would feel this way.

However, if you can both get on board with MB's, you can have the marriage you have both always wanted.

Both sides are taking risks. Both sides have concerns. Rightly so. You both have much to prove to each other. It will take at least 2 years (under the best of circumstances) for trust to be restored.

Yes. Absolutely. Keep doing exactly what you are doing.

Your plan is working great. No LB's, spend quality time with her, show her you are changing.

My gosh man, you are in a perfect spot to win her back. Don't get off the road now. You can't worry about the OM right now. You have exposed and done everything you can to put the spotlight on it.

Plan A your butt off.

My FWW did. I asked he about that specific thing because it is way out of character for her. How did you feel about having sex with 2 men? Her answer it was strange and confusing and difficult at first.

As the affair went on she put it out of her mind and did not think about it. She compartmentalized that aspect of her affair.

The other consideration is transmission of STD. She said even though POSOM tried, she NEVER had sex with him with out a condom ever.

She said she would not even let him get close to her when they naked in bed together without a condom.

I guess I was supposed to feel better about that.

Bottom line is WW's usually do have sex with Husband and OM.

I have been thinking about this, the question is how and why would I allow someone to get away with this. It was wrong, I know i don't care what others think of me. I do still have a reputation, and my ex can't just be walking around telling everyone that I'm crazy etc.. If I do nothin then it shows everyone, maybe he did say it. I do belive that 5 days of my life have been taken from me illegally. My civil rights were violated. The entire way it was done was wrong. I wasnt asked a thing from my dept. I was guilty to them. I Know the seriousness of people wanting to hurt them self etc... It appears anyone can just do this and get away with it. This can not be toleated in this country.

No, it should not be tolerated.
You need to clear the record on this.
And hold that evil ex wife accountable.