Yes, it can be.
In the book Surviving an Affair, Harley describes a scene where Jon and Sue are eating dinner (before their separation) and Sue outright LIED to Jon about her whereabouts...and he KNEW she was lying.
Sue was juggling both of them until she couldnt emotionally handle it anymore.

A Totally weird suggestion to interject some spontaneous laughter and humor redeveloping between the two of you and this may be just too overboard, Buttt...

What if You painted your own toe nails blue and sent her a joking dorky text with a picture saying you liked it so much on her, that you decided to give it a try yourself.

Then frantically follow up asking where the nail polish remover is at in a joking panic.

Would she be rolling on the floor laughing her butt off, or think you were a fruitcake?

Then follow up that "WE" need to do more goofy things together and that you will keep on improving yourself to be the best husband you can be, After this current slip is dealt with properly.

Definitely get vets opinions on this whole idea. I'm just trying to be creative to give her something funny and cute to associate with her thoughts about you, instead of the condemnation from the necessary exposure.

You are doing the best you can. Keep it up.

LTL

Since it appears she is allowing you to meet some emotional needs, I would suggest perhaps calling her later in the day and asking how her day is going?

In the backgorund, her affair may be in Chaos mode due to exposure now. OM may have told her to stay away from his business, or they may have a new meeting place; maybe he dumped her.

I dont think he dumped her because a wayward will become very depressed after a breakup. So they are probably in damage control mode now, being more discreet or laying low until exposure fire dies down.

So call her, ask how her day is going, ask if you can pick her up for lunch etc. You want to make good plan A memories.

I would wait and play it totally cool.

Has heavily pursuing her worked so far?? When have you found her to be most responsive to you?

Just keep doing exactly what you are doing. You are doing great!

Let her come to you.

I just checked my local circuit court records online and I do not see any pending PPO Or also known as restraining order, from OM. I know my wife has been asking alot of questions about the events that have taken place, I have been usually vague with my answers or tell her the lawyer is handling it.

Yesterday she was a bit perplexed because she wanted to know about my plan for recovery and she said I need to know if I'm going to be part of it. I really didn't want to expose a lot here, because she then tried to go into the divorce talk, which she said to me your not going to talk about it are you, I said thats what lawyers are for.

believe or not that is right up my alley. She has always loved my goofyness, I like that idea, I'm going to do it. I just laughed my butt off

Thats interesting question, she is a needy person when it comes to attention, affection she told me this herself. Heavily persuing her not sure, but I always notice when I pull she comes running.

She has told me she doesn't sleep well and then she says thats all she wants to do is sleep and how she doesn'tget any mental days off like I do. The other day she had her almost nervous break down not sure if it was a cause of there break up or just everything that has happened.

I have to say this. I asked her to take a day off so we could spend sometime together, I asked for thursday, which is today. On tuesday, she sent me a text saying she might have wednesday off because she switched with a girl at work. So I said to her then lets spend some time on wednesday, she did resist it, i'm sure she purposley didn't want be so eager, she said maybe. Now I did call her in the morning while she was taking SS to school, I told her to come over after she dropped him off, she said she didn't have any clothes etc...I told her there are some clothes here. she did come and the rest is history.

The question is I did convince her to come over and the day before she let me know she was having wed off. So she did want to come over and she wanted me to persue her.

For most women, the top two ENs are Intimate Conversation and Affection. The next three, in no particular order, are Financial Support, Family Commitment, and Honesty and Openness. That doesn't mean these are necessarily your own wife's ENs, but Dr. Harley has found that these are the usual for MOST women. But the others shouldn't be neglected either. If you know that Physical Attractiveness is important, then be sure to look fit and good, too. Likewise for the rest.

When a spouse is having an affair, they often won't let the BS meet their most important emotional needs, so a great Plan A would mean meeting whatever ENs the WS will allow and expressing a willingness to meet her important ENs when the A is over. And, of course, eliminating all love busters.

WD, I agree very much with Dr Harley that you should pursue this.. Yes, it might be taxing, but your civil rights were violated and I believe you should defend yourself. Sweeping such an egregious act under the rug would cause ME more stress than addressing it.

Longway is exactly right, the lovebank is typically closed when a spouse is in an affair. You are in a unique position in that she is letting you in to some degree. I would focus mainly on the INTIMATE emotional needs of conversation and affection because, regardless of one's top EN's, those are the ones that make the greatest lovebank deposits.

All you need to do right now is sit back and concentrate on a GREAT Plan A. You understand what to do, so just keep doing that.

I did meet her affection yesterday, because when I rolled away from her fora second she tol me to get back over here and snuggle me. I Know she loves affection,

When you say intimate conversation, what do you mean??

So I would really like to get the intimate conversation going, yesterday she told me she felt disconnected from me. I Know I feel disconnected from her at times, sometimes I feel like I don't even know her. I'd like to get her reconnected to me. intimate conversation and affection go hand and hand, te days she would lay her head on my lap and I would just caress her forhead cheeks etc...If we could get some intimate conversation going. I did notice she was a lot more talkatve, she even brought up SF on how good it was later that evening. II want to really tap into this intimate conversation

Here are some videos to watch or listen to when you get a chance:

Here's what Dr. Harley has to say about IC: Here

And here's another article Dr. H. wrote about the friends and enemies of good conversation. Here

When would be a good time to send her some flowers.

I used the term 'casual sex' as a reference point that some women that are very sexually oriented could indeed have sex with both OM and H without emotional attachment. Yes, this does happen but very rare. Not inferring that you said that at all.

This poster could be under the impression that most women have sex with both their adultery partner and their husband which is not true at all. Your statements could influence his perceptions.

Most women must have emotional attachment to have sex.

WD,
What you have to understand is that when women go into withdrawal, it takes a long time a lot of persistence on the husband's part to win back their trust and to refill the bank account. You said you watched ***edit*** That is a classic example. Some women who reach withdrawal never come back. They refuse. But you are making very solid inroads with your wife. Your valiant and persistent attempts have pierced through the armour she has put on, which in itself is quite impressive. I would encourage you to reed Love Busters and His Needs/Her Needs to get the complete picture of how to better make deposits and avoid withdrawals in her love bank, but more importantly I think the steps you are taking now in Plan A have been very effective. She is welcoming your attention and that is a very important break through that many men in Plan A would envy. You are a natural Plan A'er. It seems almost intuitive to you. Of course God's grace has helped.

Once your wife decides to end contact for life with the other man, and agrees to go into recovery, she too will have to start cleaning up her side of the street. She will absolutely have to do what Dr. Harley calls Just Compensation. But first things first. Plan A!