I found out a week ago to the day that my H is cheating. I just happen to go through his phone after having a bad dream and saw pictures and texts he had been sending to women on craigslist. From what I could tell, he had never met up with any of them, just text. I confronted him and he admitted to texting the pictures. I said he never actually met any of them in perfect. I believe that he didnt actually meet any of them. We made the decision right there to work it out. I got the His Needs, Her Needs book and recognized immediately that I have not been meeting his emotional needs and he hasn't been meeting mind.

Saturday night, I decided to do a little more digging and see if there was anything else he was hiding. Thats when I found he has been emailing this one lady regularly. They kept talking about meeting to have sex, but could never get a good time coordinated. I also found another email on craiglist where he is talking to a women about trying to meet up and she is saying that she had went to far by cheating with him and just wanted to stay friends. I feel it is the same one he was still talking too. So I know they have had sex, but he keeps denying it.

I want to work it out with him, but I dont know where to go from here. I read the exposure thread and I am terrified of running him away. I have her work information since she always emails him while at work. She is married also.

I dont know what to do next.

Welcome to MB.

Do you know who the OW is? Is she married?

You need to find out who these OW are and expose.

How long have you been married?
Do you have any kids?

I know who she is, all of her work information is in the emails she sent to my husband. I know she is married, but I dont know to who. I am trying to figure out how to go about getting this information.

We have been married 3 years and have 1 daughter that is almost 2.

Have you tried looking for her on Facebook or Twitter? If you have her name run a background check.

Also, get the book Surviving an Affair.

Have you been tested for STD/I?

So your husband is trolling for women to have sex with? HNHN is a great book, but what you really need is Surviving an Affair. There are always reasons for an affair but there is never an excuse. Your H didn't have an affair because you weren't meeting his needs. He has terrible boundaries around women. And instead of coming to you to tell you that he wasn't happy, he was looking on Craigslist for some side action. Yuck!

Get Surviving an Affair before going into HNHN.


Set up a polygraph test to find out the truth.


Please don't be terrified of him running away upon exposure. Exposure is the right thing to to in the case of an affair. Go and look at the Exposure thread and start making your list of exposure targets. Exposure is like shining sunlight on mold. If everyone knew what we were doing, there would be a lot less crime and a lot less adultery.



Make sure you are not committing any love busters. I would go and get tested for STDs since you are not sure whether he's had sex or not with any of these skanks.

Thank You guys for all of the advice. It has been a tough almost 3 weeks since D Day. Every day, every hour is up and down. I went and got tested and everything is clean. I also got access to his phone, text, email, etc. for transparency. So far, he has kept his word and contacted no one. He was reluctant to give in to the transparency at first, but after talking to his friends, he realized why I wanted it.
We are both committed to working on our marriage and making it stronger. I know it�s going to be a hard road ahead. I have to work on his #1 EN which is honesty and openness. I have always been one to keep things to myself, I don�t like to argue. I have been working every day to talk about my day, how I feel, and things that happened. I have to work on balancing the negative feelings with the good. I don�t want every conversation to be about me having a mental breakdown. It is crazy that this has brought me and my mom closer together. We have always talked everyday and I see her at least 3 times a week, but we have become closer as she shares about the affair my dad had and how she got through it.
I saw on one of these posts about starting a journal and for every negative thought, I should write down 3 good ones. I am going to try this. I have found that praying helps, and we have even started praying together.

Roni,

You need to follow Dr. Harley's plan for Surviving an Affair if you want to recover for this and have a loving marriage.

Step 1: Expose the affair to family and friends, AND family and friends of the OW

Have you done this?

hi Roni, welcome to Marriage Builders. Sorry for the reasons that have brought you here. I would put aside the journal, and put aside His Needs, Her Needs for now and focus on saving your marriage. Do you want to do that?

FIRST, work on affair proofing your marriage or you won't have a marriage left.