I'm hoping someone can shed some light for me.
In a nutshell, I've been dishonest, had an emotional affair, and generally have been a bad husband over the course of our marriage of 13 years. I've taken some drastic measures to improve myself, therapy, lie detector (passed), and overall trying to be a better husband and father. Here's where I need advice.
Since all of my past sins have been known (about three months) I am now leading a honest and faithful lifestyle. My wife was extremely close to ending things and am so happy she didn't. She is in the place right now though, where she doesn't know what she wants, meaning that we've been married through her late teens and 20s and feels like she had to grow up fast which she did and didn't get to experience things she would've without me. Had I been a great husband, she would be happy as can be, but I've ruined everything. We are still together, have made time alone with each other, have a cruise coming up and are sexually active. She also is starting a not secret second life meaning that she needs space to figure things out. I know she is texting someone and am in contact with someone. We had been following Dr. Harley's plan but she is for having privacy and doesn't want me in her phone. I know there is stuff on there I would disapprove of and she doesn't want me asking questions. She says she wants to make things work with me, and loves me but I don't see how I can live in the dark with her second life in existence. She is sorry but says she just can't tell me. I'm just so afraid she will fall in love or will have an affair. I'm scared and just don't know what to do. She needs time to sort things out, but I don't know anything, like nothing of what's going on. Please help

I would get spyware on her phone right away and find out what she is keeping secret. A married person is not entitled to secrets. Go to the operation investigate forum and read up on spyware options for cell phones. Some good ones are eblaster and flexispy.

Thank you for the quick response. Knowing the specifics would be hard to read, but I would rather get her back to me 100% and focusing on that. She said she has to have this alone time, and that she loves me. I want her to tell me what she's doing instead of going behind her back. Eve if I wanted to spy, her phone is like Fort Knox so that's it's own issue. I just love her so much and want her back with me 100%

Hello and welcome to Marriage Builders.

Have you seen this article by Dr. Harley? Is Snooping right or wrong?

Yes I've heard him talk about the subject quite a bit. Hoping that she gets over this soon and comes back to me emotionally. I know I should trust but verify, but idk. I feel it would be absolutely over if so.

You won't get her back, though, unless you uncover the facts. You will end up divorced unless you uncover and kill the affair. A spouse who is having an affair is unlikely to tell you they are having an affair so it is unrealistic to imagine she will come tell you. That is very, very rare.

We can't help you unless you spy and get the facts about her affair.

Do you want to save your marriage?

If you want her to come back, you need to get to work, my friend. That won't happen by magic fairy dust.

Any time someone has locked their phone and is hiding stuff then there is a reason. People who have nothing to hide don't have a problem with transparency.

If this is not a full on PA yet then your inaction will help make it one. You need to act, your guilt does not excuse her bad decisions. She is not allowed to go out and have an A just because.

I am a BH and am currently wrestling with the fact of my WW's A and I dont even know if I want to save the M anymore but I am not out having A's. If I don't want the marriage then I will leave and get a divorce.