The truth is best revealed to the children.
Even if the betrayed ex doesn't agree.

Indeed, it had to be factually spoken to 'exorcize' it and whatever happens now is the path to a better future for the kids.

The main reason for exposing to the kids is so they learn this as a life lesson: That Adultery DESTROYS families.
Burn that impression into them, so they will hopefully NEVER commit adultery in their own future marriages

Being honest is always best. Being a parent comes first. It does not sound like you dealt with this like a parent. It sounds like you only did what you wanted to do one more time and that was serve yourself.

Once a cheater always a cheater. Your still lieing and he has every right to hate you. Once the kids get older and really understand what you did and continues to do they will decide for themselves.

My son was a mommas boy to the core. They have not relationship now. Sure he loves her. She he goes to see her but anything other than that is dead. Once he is on his own I doubt he will ever really have any kind of a relationship with her. I do hate her. I always will but I did everything I could to fix this and help him rebuild his relationship with her. Like you she only continued to do stupid things and hes sharp too.

Good luck with your kids. Sounds like you are going to need it.

Clay

This is not true.
Many posters here on this forum and throughout the world had an affair, followed the program of MB recovery and have not cheated since.

@reading and @jedi you both are absolutely right. I misspoke, the children should be made aware of the affair.

I was trying to convey that maybe she should have communicated xH before just arbitrarily making this decision. Maybe he would have liked to tell them? But of course now he can't.

This, I believe was more about her being the "adult", "calm one", and "moving forward" for her future marriage using MB.

The kids know that something is wrong, best to tell them the truth. My husband was the WS, and I did my best to protect the kids. I too use to tell them adult stuff. One at a time, they told me they knew, or they came right out and asked me. I told them the truth when they asked. Mine were older than yours when I told them. Each responded differently. My oldest felt that I lied to him, now he is better about it and understands that I was trying to protect him, my middle one took it in stride, like he does everything and my youngest thinks dad is scum.