Ok, so I have been separated/divorce for 5 years. We split mainly due another guy in the pic that i didnt approve of. It was someone she dated in HS who treated her like crap and she got back in touch with. We split, he eventually moved in and they have 2 kids together. He has since moved out and over past year, I have realized I still love this woman.
My question is this: what steps can either of take to make this work? I feel i have some trust issues that i didnt admit before and she seems to have surpressed emotion/feelings. We have 3 kids together and I really want a serious shot at second chance. Any advice or guidance would be appreciated

It is not unusual for a divorced couple, especially with children, to remarry. Certainly, though, you would need to have a different kind of marriage than you did in the past. Read the information about infidelity, how to recover from it and also take a look at the concepts of lovebusters and his and her needs. There is a huge amount of information on this site that can assist you in recovering your family and having a great marriage.

AM

Homier,

Did your WW indicate to you that she wants to get back together?

Your ex WW really needs to have a change in lifestyle, her secret second life/lives need to come to the light.

God Bless
Gamma

So let me get this straight. She left your for another man, had two children with him, and left him too. And you would like to hitch your horse to her wagon again? Sounds like you are a masochist.

Your "Trust Issues" were your internal subconscious alarms warning you that she was taking part in activities that were not beneficial to a n emotionally safe marriage.

Dr. Harley does not believe we should Trust our spouses blindly. It is only through consistent actions that a person proves they are trustworthy.

What consistent actions has your Ex-W shown through her actions?

The best predictor of future behavior is observing their past behavior.

LTL

She didn't leave him, he left her because he didn't like her parenting skills and her housekeeping abilities. That being said, he's a lazy POS who doesn't take care of his own kids or house duties. Regardless of all that, she walked away from our marriage because I feel she didn't want to face the issues we had which included her contact with this guy. They ended badly in hs and he hasn't changed in 20 years since then. At the time I feel she saw what she presumed to be greener pastures without me. I truly believe we could worked out our own issues if he wasn't around. He is a pushover and does what it takes to get his way.
Regardless of all that, I know getting back with ex spouse isn't typical but I'm willing to give it a go. Just need some help along the way. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. I'm a stronger person now and will not let defeat bring be down again

Most importantly, does this woman want to re-enter a life with you again ? No matter how urgently you believe that you could make a "go" of it again, unless she wants the same thing, it's not going to work.
First things first......... then if intentions/feelings are mutual, the work of rebuilding can possibly begin.
It sounds as though there has been a lot of betrayal and heartbreak for all concerned, including the children. Their needs and best interests must also be taken into consideration.
I might suggest that you also seek professional help....this journey is likely to need a lot of maturity,patience,love and understanding.
Warmly, Warmashes

Does everyone in your life know that she left you for this guy and that she had a long affair with him?

If everyone in your life and hers already knows about the affair, then the next thing she would need to do is to write her OM a No Contact letter written by her that is approved and mailed by you, then make it impossible for contact to ever happen again. Any communication relating to their children together - visitation, child support and health issue - would be through an intermediary.

She would need to agree to Extraordinary Precautions for life to prevent another affair from happening.

Finally, she would agree to work with you on making your marriage with her better than it ever was in the past. You would both need to follow the every step carefully on the narrow path to recovery.

Have you read the thread at the beginning of this forum called Start Here?

How long were you divorced? How old are the children, your? his?

AM

are you back with your ex? if so, how long did it take for thingss to be ok and in love again?

We have been divorced officially for 2 years, living apart for 5
3 kids (14,11,8)

Does your XW want to get back with you?

Have you read these?
Should I Remarry My Ex-Spouse? If Not, How Can I Just Let Go? Letter #1
Should I Remarry My Ex-Spouse? If Not, How Can I Just Let Go? Letter #2