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Good romantic topic for text.
If your sky is clear around 2am eastern, send
"Go outside. See beautiful lunar eclipse"
Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
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I really don't know why she came here again. Maybe it is to try and butter me up for the divorce, maybe to put spy wear, maybe to plant drugs, maybe she misses home. I have know idea.
ME46 WW 38 D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13 11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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I've noticed the past two days she hasn't called me, she didn't.even call me yesterday to let me know she was coming over. I know I'm in plan A. How will I do this if she isn't.calling me and not staying in our house. I know everyone was suspicious of her coming over yesterday. I know I'm to wait.for the squirrel to come to me. So if there is no contact.at.all that means what with her? At this point. Is she focused solely on posom. Is this part of the process true to the affair being active.
I have to go pick up a bunch of hosp paper work. I then have IC at 12pm.
ME46 WW 38 D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13 11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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I've noticed the past two days she hasn't called me, even call me yesterday to let me know she was coing over. I know I'm in plan A. How will I do this if she isn't.calling me and not staying in our house. I know everyone was suspicious of her coming over yesterday. I know I'm to wait.for the squirrel to come to me. So if there is no contact.at.all that means what with her? At this point. Is she focused solely on posom. Is this part of the process true to the affair being active.
I have to go pick up a bunch of hosp paper work. I then have IC at 12pm. It is So tough to not allow yourself to attempt to read your WW's mind and put reason and logic to every comment, lack of contact, figuring out why she does something or not do something..... Give yourself the gift of realizing there are no logical reasons. She is torn, twisted and broken down right now. She could do or say Anything. Very little of it matters. There is a saying that goes, "Believe Nothing Of What A Wayward Says, And Only Believe Half Of What They Do." We all wanted to search for signs and answers. The truth is, that there are no predictability during their chaos. Don't watch time in relation to hours or days, but rather in weeks or months. The more you focus on interpreting her every nuance, the more emotionally frazzled you will continue to be. It's Very Tough to start doing, but it does wind up getting easier. You did great for yourself yesterday. Take notice of your own positive actions. Could you possibly orchestrate some sort of family fun excursion for one of the upcoming weekend days? Think, think, think..... What about paintball? Hey Wifey! How would you like to get together and shoot paintball ammo at each other? What about indoor miniature golf? Or Laser Tag? Think!!! Get that bull-headed SS involved in something together. Ma-ma Bear will recognize the ongoing efforts and "Maybe" have some seeds planted about family unity. It didn't work with my Wife, but it has worked with others. A Mother instinctually values their own child, but during Waywardness, even that instinct gets shoved off to the side while they demonize their spouse and over inflate the prominence of what they are actually doing with and for their own children. I think it is a good sign that she id still, for the most part, being actively involved in taking care of her son and helping him with his homework. Concentrate your efforts on remaining how you have been and defeating the PPO charges against you. Yes, it is incredulous that it went that far, but it is such a minimum burden of proof required that most likely any judge will err on the side of caution for preemptive control of an adversarial feud escalating into something more significant. LTL
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Don't watch time in relation to hours or days, but rather in weeks or months.
The more you focus on interpreting her every nuance, the more emotionally frazzled you will continue to be. Remember, Dr. Harley says that an affair usually ends within SIX MONTHS of exposure. (not six days) Concentrate your efforts on remaining how you have been and defeating the PPO charges against you. Yes, it is incredulous that it went that far, but it is such a minimum burden of proof required that most likely any judge will err on the side of caution for preemptive control of an adversarial feud escalating into something more significant. I think LTL's advice to think of fun things to plan to do as a family is great. But when WW is not contacting you or coming over to the house for you to be able to Plan A, then use that time to focus on yourself and doing healthy things for you so that you can maintain the endurance required in a Plan A marathon. You are really doing a great job and you need to maintain your mental and emotional well being.
D-Day 1 - May 4, 2012
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FMT is correct, you must continue to Plan A when you get the opportunity. This is how Plan A'ing from a distance works, she does not live with you so you need to Plan A her at every contact. She will learn to trust this is the new you and all her recent thoughts will be associated with enjoyment. That is the point of Plan A along with continued LB deposits.
YOU MUST BE PATIENT, she will not snap out of it in a week, it will take months for her to come to her senses and remember you have no control over that. All you can do is focus on your Plan A when you have contact and focus on you and your daughter the rest of the time. Once she sees you are happy and a loving father then you become more attractive. She will want to associate with you more and more as you improve yourself more and more.
Last edited by txstunnedman; 04/15/14 09:01 AM.
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I notice that WD vents his frustrations to us, while carrying out a textbook Plan A. That is what we are here for. Vent with us, and continue to do what are doing, because you are doing excellent.
It sounds like Dr. Harley has given you a lifeline. When in doubt, ask him. Of course, we are here for you always.
I think all of us will be a little more at ease when you find out exactly what role your wife, POSOM, and ex-wife played in your incarceration. That is very important to find out, and you have a right to know for your own safety.
It is hard to tell if your wife will do something nefarious. My gut tells me she won't, but many a WW have done some awful things to their betrayed husbands.
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I do come on here and vent. But when she is around or calls. I put on the happy face and charm. I always show a lot of concern for SS when ever we talk. SS does concern me, he seems angry when he comes over and he then seems to lighten up a bit. WW told me my daughter did say hi to her and that seemed to bother her. I did remind my daughter to.say hi etc.. This has happened with both kids even when things where fine, they take that stuff for granted. We do remind them to say hi. I just picked up every medical record for.those 5.days. I have go through them all.
I was thinking my WW did go to church and church does remind us what is right. When I go I always come out revived and energized.
See you guys then pump me up. I now it's only been a couple of days. I did notice when we had dinner she leaned her head on her hand with elbow on table this has been going on for sometime, it's like she is depressed or in some thought.
ME46 WW 38 D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13 11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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I just read through the doctor reports. The final report clears me completely and puts me back full duty to work.
A couple reports from the crisis center says all kinds of crazy stuff that doesn't even describe me. It horrible.
Then I read a report when the Dr at hospital talks to wife who clears me , but she says she is only friends with OM and she had to remove all the men from.her Facebook. I never made her remove any men. The only men on her Facebook were family.
I can't believe the lies on top of lies. actually I can. I have to. I would really like to know what she told our priest. I'm going to call him to follow up.
I just can't believe what the doctor wrote about me from a 5 min conversation. it's truly unbelievable..
So pros I don't try to contact WW at all?
ME46 WW 38 D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13 11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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So pros I don't try to contact WW at all? I dont see any harm in sending her a text message...a humorous or romantic text daily. Plan A...you want her to constantly compare you to OM. When OM tells her, Dont come to the phramacy because people might see you....then she gets a text from you asking if she wants to see a movie or have a cup of coffee..
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But what landed you in there? Do any of the reports specify?
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I like Jedi's idea i used to tease my husband or was funny, you sort of become her safe haven again and eventually best friends in a very stressful situation. ask your SS for his opinion on something make him believe he is part of the family, 14 is a tough age their sense of entitlement at that age is through the roof. just keep trying to make him feel safe important. you doing great just vent here, don't worry about lies she tells, what is she going to say i'm having an affair and wd doesn't like my boyfriend, of course she is going to lie. they probably didn't believe her.
BW 56 WH 57 Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that..... DS 23, DS 25 D-Day Nov 23/09 NC Mar 1/10 Working on Recovery Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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But what landed you in there? Do any of the reports specify? The intial doctor put down things that I was paranoid, He said I was unable to take basic care of myself such as washing, clothing, cooking, he also said I could be suicidle ' homicidle and not even know my actions. I took a shower that morning and I had on nice clothes on. This doctor was an idiot, he may have gotten that information from ex when he called her, because he never seen me in clothes. So a funny text or something romantic???
ME46 WW 38 D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13 11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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OM may have already sent her a romantic text or asked how her day is going...you need to stay in her mind for comparison
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I Just sent her "How's your day sunshine" Her, Hey! very very busy how about you?
me, mine is great, so any interesting, weird people today?
her,Always what did you do today? why are you so "great?"
me, I took daughter to school, worked out, went and had coffee with a friend, now i'm home throwing the ball with the dogs and texting a gorgeous women. Thats why I'm so "great"
nothing back yet, she could be busy, I have the next one all set up, or I could just leave with that one.
ME46 WW 38 D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13 11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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we use to call eachother when I was on days every morning while enroute to work. we would text through out the day, there were times we would text and call eachother at the same time. Like we knew we were thinking of one another and that happened a lot.
we called eachother on our way home from work or even if it was her long day I would let her know i'm on my way home and she would call me from work.
When I was on afternoons, she would kiss me good bye every morning and I would text things like an angel kissed me from heaven this morning when I would get up. I did a lot of this stuff.
ME46 WW 38 D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13 11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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I like Jedi's idea i used to tease my husband or was funny, you sort of become her safe haven again and eventually best friends in a very stressful situation. ask your SS for his opinion on something make him believe he is part of the family, 14 is a tough age their sense of entitlement at that age is through the roof. just keep trying to make him feel safe important. you doing great just vent here, don't worry about lies she tells, what is she going to say i'm having an affair and wd doesn't like my boyfriend, of course she is going to lie. they probably didn't believe her. Jess, how did you use to tease him, I'm always curious about these types of interactions, sometimes in the mist of all this stress keeps us from being funny etc...
ME46 WW 38 D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13 11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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wife just sent me this text
"sounds like life is good. Must be nice".
How do I respond to that negative message..
I could say, "It would be much nicer if I was holding you in my arms"
Last edited by wifedivorcing; 04/15/14 03:02 PM.
ME46 WW 38 D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13 11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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"I'm done letting problems get me down. I have a good health, 2 beautiful kids and an amazing wife. Why waste time unhappy?"
(include SS as one of your children)
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I like it txt, its hard to think on the fly during a storm. I appreciate it.
ME46 WW 38 D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13 11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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