Am not good with communication and when l get too upset l will emotionally withdraw or distance myself from my husband. My husband just started his own business right before hurricane sandy hit and his business was financially affected. Ever since then we have being having some financial problem and in debt. For a couple of months he was overwhelmed with financial problems arising from his business and was getting depressed most of the time l tried to be supportive and be there for him with time he got better and his business started to improve a little. In the process of all these l felt totally neglected and when l complain he will tell me he was sorry that it is not intentional, that he is emotionally drained trying to resolve the financial problem in his business. At times l will reserve my complains because l don't want to be like l am being insensitive to what he is going through at the same time l feel like my emotional needs are not being meet. For a couple of months now my husband spend more time at his business l have complained about it but nothing has changed. I work 32 hours a week at a job that is stressful and l put in 20hrs a week helping my husband with paper work for his business, then l cook, do laundry and clean the house. My husband puts in 16hrs a day 7days a week into his business by the time he comes home he is very tired. I am getting very overwhelm and emotionally withdrawn from my husband he know something is bothering me but l don't know how to express my feeling to him in the way that l wouldn't explode, disrespect, blame or be judgmental. And what if nothing changes after expressing myself what do l do then.

Hi Kenchito, welcome to Marriage Builders. It sounds like his job is wrecking your marriage. I would let him know that this is taking place before it goes too far. A complaint is an opportunity for improvement in a good marriage and an irritation in a bad marriage.

From the sounds of it, his occupation has been a disaster for your lives. It has made him depressed and is now poisoning your marriage. Has he thought of finding another occupation?

Take your husband away for a day or weekend. Away from home and the business. Detaching even a short time and having an enjoyable day/week end can make the discussion about your complaint very helpful to all concerned.

As Dr Harley says, each of us in marriage are both wise and foolish. The beauty of our healthy interdependency in a marriage is that we can help one another deal with our own foolishness with the others wisdom if we allow for it. This notion is carried out in spades when you own and run a business together and have a family together.

My husband and I have run a business with staff for 27 years. A small business can easily overwhelm a marriage. You will have to place healthy boundaries on the needs of the business if you want your marriage to survive and keep the business. Plus, honestly, doing so will help your business thrive and compete.

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