Hi everyone,

I thought I read a story in HNHN (or one of Dr. Harley's other books) but couldn't find it to share with someone in a similar situation.

The story goes something like this: an executive marries a beauty thinking she will stay home instead of work, be luxurious and spoiled (and also be, ahem, "ready" for him the instant he came home). She, however, thought a great perk of marrying this high-earner was being able to start her own business, and this caused friction between them.

Does anyone recognize this story? Was it, perhaps, in an earlier version but then cut with the most recent revision? Or maybe I got it from elsewhere but have been attributing it to HNHN all this time...?

Thanks in advance,

DTC

Happy Easter Daisy...
I remember the story being told on the radio show. The executive was in love with his secretary, and when they finally got married, she thought she was now going to be his partner. Of course he had imagined she'd always be his subordinate.

I'm not sure if it's in one of the books as well. I will see if it's in the financial support section of HNHN.

Thank you. The thing I remember sticking out to me is that he wanted a woman at home, laying around in pretty nighties and fluffy shoes - kinda the fantasy land.

I always thought to myself, "I'd LOVE for a man to want only that from ME" but while away on a military trip I ran into a woman who was in a similar (though not the same) situation. She went to work when he hit a rough spot in his career and now gets more fulfillment out of her job than being home and available to meet his needs. She looks at is as living life for "her" rather than just life for "him." Of course, now that his career has re-stabilized, he wants to go back to where she was at home managing the home and being more available for him.

I couldn't remember how that story panned out. I actually bought HNHN for her. I read it before giving it to her, but didn't find the story.

She would best benefit from applying the Policy of Joint Agreement to her marriage.

The basic problem is that she is below the romantic love threshold with her husband, and as such is not enthusastic about meeting his needs.

The solution is to follow the PoRH, PoJA, and the PoUA. I'd bet a wooden nickel that they don't get 15 hours a week of solid UA time.

She wouldn't feel that way if she were in love with him. Can you imagine someone saying this if they were in a passionate, romantic love relationship? It also sounds like she has engaged in a lot of sacrifice, rather than meeting his needs in a way that was good for her marriage. That creates incompatibility and inspires the attitude of "By golly, I have given and given! It is my time to GET!" Sacrifice leads to resentment and entitlement which leads to independent behavior. It sounds like that is what has happened here. Her marriage is on a downward spiral but she probably doesn't understand why.

Precisely!

Dr. Harley's advice to her would be to try to get him to do these three things with her, as a first approach. Then come back later with more questions if he isn't willing to, or if it doesn't seem to be working.

Dr. Harley talks a lot about "concentric circles" in looking for solutions - he starts with the simplest solution, then moves outward to more and more broad solutions. The first step is to find out how her husband feels about trying this more integrated approach to marriage that will turn her feelings around for him.

Realize it's been a few years... did anyone ever track down this story? I still haven't. I wonder if it's not in any MB materials, so I was encouraged to read that someone remembered a similar story on the show