Hello,

I was just wondering if anyone has tried Dr. Harley's Programs (mainly Program #2) is the one I am looking at but I will take your thoughts on any of them. I don't know if or is there away I could email to find out which one may be best for my husband and I?

If you and your H have the discipline to do the lessons on your own, then you should be fine with the Program #2.

You would each fill out a marital problems analysis and start working on the problems that threaten your marriage first. The home study course comes with the Online Seminar, which is Dr. Harley's former weekend seminar. It is recommended that you watch the seminar all in one weekend, rather than strung out over days and weeks.

We thought we could do the program on our own, but in spite of our discipline in other areas, we found we needed weekly accountability from our coach to set up a plan to recover our marriage and follow it all the way through.

With the full online program, each spouse also has lifetime access to Dr. Harley on the private forum, which is invaluable.

You might try calling this number 1-888-639-1639 and asking the office what they would recommend for you.

Hi, and welcome to MB. There are several regular posters that have used the MB programme, and I am one of them.

There is only one MB programme. The same programme is used regardless of the specific problems in the marriage (unless the problem is so abusive - e.g. violence - that the couple needs to separate immediately). It may be that you are referring to the Home Study Course, which, as its name suggests, is done by the couple working by themselves, and the Online Accountability Course, where the couple is assigned a coach who has been trained by, and is supervised by, Dr Harley. On the Accountability course the couple is assigned weekly lessons by the coach and Dr Harley, and the order of these lessons depends on the specific problems being faced - but everyone does all the lessons eventually.

I think that most people who post here (who have done the course) do the Accountability version, because that gives you access to a coach and Dr Harley, who will answer questions and work with you on your problems.

If you tell us about the issues in your marriage you will get responses from people who have solved similar issues using the MB programme, so please give us details.

I took a look at your previous posts. You and your H would need to find a way to commit to 15 hours each week of UA time, or the program won't work.

Dr. Harley went to school full time AND worked long hours, but he made sure that he and Joyce spent 15 hours of UA time together each week. He describes those hours as their rewards for all their efforts throughout the day.

Our main issues aside from his time. Is letting go of past hurts or just moving on from the past. We are both bitter and hold resentment toward each other for some phone calls from his ex that he feels changed me and in turn changed him and it has never been the same since.

We have lost our connection. We don't have the marriage we always talked about having. We have nothing to really talk about anymore. We basically feel like two people sharing a house and are almost strangers to each other.

He says he hasn't felt wanted by me in years or since the calls. He is big on giving affection and he also wants to receive it (he is a love bug) and I want to give it to him, I just have alot of hurts and a wall is up now. And I think we both feel very unloved. I feel unimportant due to how busy he always is although I do admit he does try but just not like he used to and what I mean by that is if he has hurt my feelings or he knows I'm upset he would be just devastated and he would have to fix it or it would eat at him all day, well now he doesn't even seem to care, I get nothing. I no longer feel like I matter or that I'm a priority of his.

I do believe we both still love each other but we have both hurt each other and need to fall in love again and get out of all the negativeness because it's all either one of us see about one another. There never used to be any doubt from either one of us if the other one loved us but I know both of us think it. And I know we both have our faults we are human. But I know he is a good man and he is defensive because he is frustrated and just wants this marriage to be all we thought it would be and I think it makes both of us very sad.

I think we have wasted alot of years going around and around having the same conversation or argument and resolving nothing and still always feeling the same hurts that just don't go away. It is time to try a new method and give this marriage a new start I hope!!!

Instead of trying to resolve the past issues, you both need to address the current conditions new each day.

You will both feel just like roommates if his work schedule does not change.

How can you two possibly plan 15 hours of Undivided Attention time together if you are not together?

LTL