Today I woke up at 6 am per usual and went downstairs to do my 30 min workout. My youngest son (3) woke up and came down 20 min later. I was tired from staying up to clean house, do my laundry and prep my lunch the night before so I let him watch cartoons on my tablet while I used the big tv for the workout. FYI - she refuses to do my laundry these days. That said, I let my wife and youngest daughter (2) sleep in. The two oldest are away for school vacation with their biological dad making such things possible. I finished my exercise, made myself a protein shake, cleaned up the living room and kitchen, packed my pre made lunch, and went to wake my wife at 7:40 per her request. I did this carefully with kisses and snuggles so as to avoid making her grumpy. She woke up nicely enough, and so did the baby, but we got into an argument with me when I told her I could not change the baby because I now had to focus on getting out the door on time. Eventually I apologized, and told her that I love her, but pms or not that I need her help to make sure I can be punctual. I was late to the store, opened it and went about my day. Mid-day she called 3 times in a row, but I was with a customer, and it is a commission based sales job so leaving a customer, or the floor when I am alone is a no no, but I did. When I took the call out back she told me our 3 year old son had poured all of the new shampoo out in his room and inside his drawers. She told me that she could not handle it, asked me to come home, and told me she was on the verge of getting in the car with our baby girl and just leaving our son alone. I tried to calm her down and console her, but as soon as I explained I was working another double and could not leave as I was expected to close later she hung up on me. I got some nasty texts filled with name calling, to which I responded with concern and confusion. She stopped responding. Later I texted that I missed and loved her...no reply. I got home at 11pm to find her drinking, which is uncommon. I told her I was worried and needed to talk, she did not want to, I insisted needed to. After getting into a fight about how its always all about me and my emotions, despite her refusing to share her own i was accused of being cold, intrusive, overbearing, disrespectful, and selfish...all coming from a womwn who begs me to share my emotions, but obviously does not want to hear them. The conversation ended with her cutting me off after eacha time i opwned my moth by sayiang, "whatever" or "go away"...aside from not doing my laundry she now refuses to iron my clothing, make me meals, or have sex with me. If i were not writing this id be cleaning up the rest of what she did not get to today...as always, argument or no argument. In fact most nights as soon as i get home i am told i need to do all the house/kid work so she can rest...despite my working 50-60hrs/week. I love her, but she is very aggressive and inmaature often. We argue daily, i am insecure because she often says she does not want to stay and thretens to be dissloyal. Everyday has something that relates to today, i try hard to help around the house, i now do all my own cleaning, i help clean the house, help tend to kids, (often) cook for the two of us, massage her feet almost 5 nights per week and priase her constantly...but am still an "blank". When i get home she generally sits and i am asked to take over....when do i get to have a break...not that i dont respect SAHMs but i dont get to sit and wind down until 12-1 after she and the kids go to bed. I am starting to resent her and think of her as selfish. I typed this post crying tonight. Im so confused.

Welcome to marriage builder.

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time.

How long have you guys been together? How much of that has been as a married couple?

Is this your first marriage? And is it hers?

Did you all live together before you got married?

What are the ages of the kids? Which one is yours alone, hers alone and both?

Welcome to Marriage Builders.


Dr Harley's materials and insight can help you restore or rebuild your marriage.

But first off I am wondering if your wife is breaking down due to a post partum depression? I am saying this as she threatened to leave your 3 year old alone and drive off with the baby.

Have you called her doctor?

Even if she is acting out with an angry outburst to get your attention I'd take her seriously and tell her the threatening to abandon your children is cause for you to take definitive action to protect the children.

Start with the doctor. And make sure your wife has support around her while you are at work at this point. Eventually you will want to get a sitter and take your wife out on a regular basis so she receives your undivided attention and knows she is more important then your job.

This is familiar because I've been your wife. I would recommend a new job. You work a lot, she seems to have no support domestically in the day, being a SAHM and a husband always working means no romance/UA time, she feels like running away from the life of never ending babysitting. She is taking it out on you because at work, there us adult conversation and coffee.

You guys need to find a way to make YOU a priority. Not the job and not the kids

Sorry, continued.

In our similar situation, we put work and kids second with UA time. Yes, financially, it took a hit but it worked. And the kids were happier, work was less stressful, its been great. You guys have put everything except your marriage first, so of course it suffers.

Re: threatening to run away and be disloyal. Well I can't say I experienced that (although I did want to run away), it means there is no romantic love in your marriage and she feels neglected. This makes your marriage very vulnerable to an affair

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Not everyone is cut out to be a SAHM. I sure wasn't! For a while I taught at my daughter's preschool. Because I worked there, her tuition was free, I was able to reduce the financial pressure on my then H, and the house was as clean when we got home as it was in the morning when I left. The structure was great for all of us.

Some women watch kids in their home. the pay is much better than working in preschool. Again, the structured day and reduction in financial pressure benefits the whole family. What do you think?