I can't believe it will be 10 years this year since I filed for divorce. It has been a huge learning experience with a tremendous amount of personal growth (sure wasn't easy at times though).

In the last 10 years, I have gone on dates with about 30 women. Most were pretty casual dates, dinner, coffee, etc. And most have been very nice women with a couple of challenging ones (one date got drunk and start dancing on the bar that we met at).

Here are some things I have learned.
1. If the person you are dating has children, meet the children before things get too serious. I had a painful breakup because I got too close with someone, and then started noticing how disrespectful her children were to her and basically everyone.

2. Don't have a "fling". I met someone and we would get together once a week for just one thing. She was a busy single mom and I am a busy single dad and at the time so that is all we had time for. It just felt wrong because neither of us had strong feelings for each other.

3. Date a lot of people but keep it casual. Each date brings you closer to the person you are looking for. It is amazing what you learn just by going out for dinner.

4. Enjoy being single. After my divorce, I hated being alone. Now I treasure it.

Am seeing a very nice woman now and we are taking it very slow (and slow is good). I enjoy learning something new about her every time we get together. I think it is important to build a friendship first. Time will tell....

Would you ever introduce MB into any of your relationships?

BrainHurts - Do you mean MB concepts? Yes, I would definitely use what I have learned here. For example, I have some pretty clear boundaries since my divorce. My X walked all over me during our marriage and she did it because I let her do it.

I was also surprised that Dr. Harley recommends going out on a LOT of dates. But that concept has helped me tremendously in learning the type of person I want to be with.

I have also learned how to be completely single and happy.

Children should be kept out of the relationship entirely in the early stages. If the relationship passes the 6 month mark and it stands a good chance of becoming permanent, then it is time to introduce them. That avoids the risk that children are exposed to a revolving door of potential mates with whom they develop friendships only to have them suddenly end. One particularly poisonous habit is using children as a bonding tool.

If you discover that someone has disrespectful children, you will need to POJA that issue. Hopefully the POJA has already become part of your relationship by then. The children will have been mirroring the relationship of their parents. It might be a deal killer or it might not be. Depends on whether there is a willingness to change.

I agree that children should be left out for a long time and they were. However in this case, the relationship was going splendid until I started spending time with the children. It was then when I noticed how badly they treated their mom. It was then when I noticed that their mom thought their behavior was acceptable.

My lesson learned is to ask about parenting and acceptable behavior prior to getting too serious.

Amen to that :-)

Good. Have you used POJA? Dr. Harley says this is an excellent way to see how well relationship works.

BrainHurts,

No, I have not used POJA yet. Right now, we are just hanging out and trying to get to know each other. It is LDR so that brings some challenges also. We plan on getting together in a couple of weeks again. If things get more serious, then definitely I will use some of the concepts here.

My biggest concern right now is with the LDR. We were matched on eHarmony and it does seem like a good match. She is at a point in her life where she can relocate if it comes to that. But I would hate for her to relocate and then we find we are not compatible. So if we do get to that point of thinking about her relocating, we have a lot of things to discuss.