Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 14
M
Junior Member
Junior Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 14
I was just reviewing the literature on annoying habits and was thinking about some of the arguments my husband and I have had. Sometimes in the middle of the arguments my husband would say that there are annoying things that I do, but can never name them. How can I get him to name them so that I can overcome them? Or is that not a wise thing to do?

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Ask him to name them.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549
Likes: 10
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549
Likes: 10
You could ask him to read the chapter on annoying habits in the book Lovebusters. Perhaps that will help him to voice his complaints.

You could ask him to point out the annoying habit the next time it arises, then and there.

It is a very good idea for him to specify these habits so that you can work on eliminating them. If he doesn't tell you what they are, and you continue to do them, this negatively effects your marital happiness.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 157
L
Member
Member
L Offline
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 157
First you have to work on love busters on both sides but for now on his. Is he willing to go through the love buster book with you.

When he brings up undefined annoying habits when you are voicing a complaint that is a form of disrespectful judgement from him.

Remember when you ask him to join you in reading love busters that you do it as a request not a demand. The way you know with one you are doing is how you would react if he says no.

If he says no negotiate with him by giving him something he want in exchange.


Me 40M
Wife 43F
3 kids 9M, 5M, 1F

Together 15 yrs, Married 10 yrs, live together most of our dating life. Did not live together our year of our engagement. Working hard to fall more in love with my wife.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
mskeys, I have found that the best way to handle these problems is to ask him outright. Tell him you want to avoid annoying him and ask him to help you eliminate those behaviors. Being honest and direct is the best way.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Here are some excerpts from an article on Annoying Habits - the key is for him to be honest about these things so you can makes changes. You can't make changes if you don't know:

Originally Posted by Dr Bill Harley
"First, make it very clear what it is he does that annoys you when he eats. You say that it is making noise from his mouth or plate. As he eats, identify what it is about his eating that bothers you, and what it is you would like him to do instead. I assume that you don't make much noise when you eat, so you are probably eating the way you would like him to eat.

Then carefully teach him his new eating habits. Watch him eat, and correct him if he falls back into his old way of doing things. You may feel a little discouraged when his habits don't change right away, and he may feel uncomfortable trying to eat in a way that doesn't feel right to him. That's the way we all feel when we try to change our habits. But the alternative is a lifetime of unpleasant dining. Once his habits change, and they will within a few weeks, you can look forward to a lifetime of enjoyable meals together, instead."

Originally Posted by Dr Bill Harley
"So, make a list of all the things he does that annoy you. Take a few days to complete the list to be sure you have as many of them as possible. You may have as many as 25 annoying habits on your list when you are done. One woman I counseled made up a list of over 500.

Then, go through your list and rate them from 1 to 6 according to how much each one bothers you. Give a number "6" to the ones that bother you the very most, and a "1" to those that bother you the least, and use the other numbers for intermediate amounts of annoyance.

Begin with all of those habits that have been given a 6, the habits that effect you the most, and select no more than three habits for elimination. Each of these three habits should be carefully described by you, and you should also describe what elimination means."
continued here


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 14
M
Junior Member
Junior Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Here are some excerpts from an article on Annoying Habits - the key is for him to be honest about these things so you can makes changes. You can't make changes if you don't know:

Originally Posted by Dr Bill Harley
"First, make it very clear what it is he does that annoys you when he eats. You say that it is making noise from his mouth or plate. As he eats, identify what it is about his eating that bothers you, and what it is you would like him to do instead. I assume that you don't make much noise when you eat, so you are probably eating the way you would like him to eat.

Then carefully teach him his new eating habits. Watch him eat, and correct him if he falls back into his old way of doing things. You may feel a little discouraged when his habits don't change right away, and he may feel uncomfortable trying to eat in a way that doesn't feel right to him. That's the way we all feel when we try to change our habits. But the alternative is a lifetime of unpleasant dining. Once his habits change, and they will within a few weeks, you can look forward to a lifetime of enjoyable meals together, instead."

Originally Posted by Dr Bill Harley
"So, make a list of all the things he does that annoy you. Take a few days to complete the list to be sure you have as many of them as possible. You may have as many as 25 annoying habits on your list when you are done. One woman I counseled made up a list of over 500.

Then, go through your list and rate them from 1 to 6 according to how much each one bothers you. Give a number "6" to the ones that bother you the very most, and a "1" to those that bother you the least, and use the other numbers for intermediate amounts of annoyance.

Begin with all of those habits that have been given a 6, the habits that effect you the most, and select no more than three habits for elimination. Each of these three habits should be carefully described by you, and you should also describe what elimination means."
continued here

Thanks. This could work us. I am hoping to get him to read the articles with me very soon.


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 575 guests, and 89 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
DGTian120, MigelGrossy, Jerry Watson, Toothsome, IO Games
72,041 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Three Times A Charm
by still seeking - 08/09/25 01:31 PM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,525
Members72,042
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0