You guys are right. Help. I'm writing this with tears welling up in my eyes. I cannot believe how much it hurts.

My WW is in an EA. I live in Auckland, NZ and the POSOM is in San Diego. They have fantasized very explicity about meeting in my original home country.

What is the plan, my friend?

Hi there,
I am sorry your feeling so badly do you want to do this forever, expose hard and fast it's your only chance at saving your marriage���you can survive her anger but you cannot survive the affair continuing����Lay down the requirements for you to stay married to her.
You think you have a marriage right now, you don't she is attached to the OM not you, your only shot is ending the affair and then together you can work on the marriage so it is fulfilling and happy for both of you.
Expose, stay soft and calm don't engage in any fights or arguments just keep saying you are fighting for your marriage and her, don't apologize for exposure, the other man will bolt when he has to start explaining why he is involved with your wife���..
Your wife will see what and who he really is���.
How long do you want this to go on, the quicker you do it the quicker you get her back���.
stop being afraid you have lots of vets helping you listen to melody lane she knows how to guide you�������.hit hard and fast with people important to your wife and the OM
good luck

I don't know.

On Good Friday she sent him an email saying that "I think the right thing would be for me to back away." and she also said that we was not going to send three emails - two of which was sexually in nature and one with a photo of herself. She told me that she will send a proper closure email on Easter Monday - I've read the email (she doesn't know I've got access to her email account) and it looks perfect. But shes hasn't sent the email and since then he has conditioned her to continue communicating.

Also she has also been editing one of the sexual email and one with the photo. Looks like it's gonna start again.

...it.s not gonna start agin - because it never really ended.

I was in a similar situatiin where I wanted so much to believe W was ending the affiar, sending the letter, ending contact. They were just words at the time.

Do you know when I KNEW the affair was over?

When I EXPOSED.

Follow the vets advice....today!

I don't give this much hope as long as FEAR is your path master. Your emotions will lead you right into the ditch. Ylou need to follow an objective, strategic plan if you want to make it. You won't make it if you can't follow a plan.

Your marriage can survive her temporary anger over exposure; it won't survive an ongoing affair. The longer this goes on, the more entrenched and the harder it will be to save your marriage. Your window of opportunity to save your marriage gets smaller and smaller every day.

If you want to save your marriage, then it is time to man up and start standing up for your marriage. Contact the OM's wife TODAY and tell her that this RAT is pursuing your wife. SEnd her all the communications. Contact him and tell him his little affair is over and to NEVER contact your wife again.

The next step is to expose the affair to your children, and to your family and friends. Ask for their support using the tactics in my exposure thread. Then sit your wife down and tell her this will lead to divorce if she doesn't stop it now. Tell her you want to have a romantic, passionate marriage with her and that you have a plan to do this. BUT....she must end her affair for life and protect you from future occurrences.

Stop dithering around and stand up for your marriage, my friend. Your complacence only reflects a lack of caring to her. I don't know many men who would sit back and tolerate this. Stop doing it.

This will go on and on and on....until you follow Dr. Harley's program. The longer you wait, the more entrenched this affair will become

Your first step is to EXPOSE this affair.
You need to read the Exposure 101 thread in MelodyLane signature and prepare for exposure.
You should start by posting OM on www.cheaterville.com and www.playerblock.com.
Post him there and then include links to his exposure in your emails to family, friends, and his family and friends.

You need to be detailed in your post, and ideally attach some sort of proof on the Cheaterville website.

The POSOM lives in San Diego and I'm in Auckland, New Zealand and I don't know how I'm able to gather info on him. Can anyone help?

Have you googled him? Does he have a facebook page? Have you looked him up in whitepages.com?

If you have his email address, go to facebook and do a search on his email address. It might take you right to his page.

You can buy a standard online background check on him for about $20.
And obviously google his name

This is true. My wife's OM started coming from 6000 miles away to see her. He worked it in with seeing other friends,,,probably girlfriends as well.
.the worst was when he got her to go to his country then returned with her and stayed at a hotel with her for two months,, nearly bankrupting him..

These predators will do anything to get another's wife...

Nobody probably remembers me, but my FWW and I are 8 years recovered from the worst part of our lives! We are better now than we ever would have been, if the affair hadn't taken place....and the recovery happened how?????? EXPOSURE! It's the scariest of all the steps to recovery...but it is what breaks the back of the fantasy.

JUST EXPOSE with zero remorse and zero vengeance.

Good luck

GEORGE!!!!

I just mentioned you and linked your story the other day to SORA.

Please go to your update thread and give us another years later update.

Good to see you.

Mr. W

Hi Mr. "Savior"!! I started a new thread in Recovery. My links in my sig are not working, so I don't even know how to access the old threads any longer. Could you change them for me?

Things have been great on this end. I have been having some seemingly minor health issues (many, many tests, but no diagnosis....minor headaches, skin flushing for no reason, being put on anti anxiety stuff (now off...thank God!)

But marriage wise, all is very well!
Am flattered you have referenced my story so many times! Hopefully it has helped many!
God Bless!
George

George, the way to fix them is to find the threads by clicking on your name and selecting "view posts." It will take you to your old threads. You can copy and paste those URL's into your signature. You reach your signature via "my stuff" and then to "edit profile."

Excuse the brief interruption of the OP's thread. I came to this thread because I felt that the exposure concept (as scary as it is) is the most important step, and the OP NEEDS to know that. It's not a guarentee, but it truly is the ONLY way to possibly (when done the right way) recover a marriage.

Must have a plan...and then execute it without emotion.