Kids are 15 and 12. I was put on paxil last feb and almost died. I am off everything. I have been misdiagnosed as having an anxiety disorder...anti anxiety meds did nothing. What I'm going through started last Sept. After a nasty upper resp. infection. I started being suspicious last week. Worst time of my life.

Do you think she'll suspect you coming back here for advice?

I don't know about FB messenger. There's a whole "operation investigate" forum for snooping.

Just once I wish snooping would simply reveal that your wife is planning a huge surprise birthday party for you.

When you confronted her do you think she knows you know?? Will she take it further underground, etc.??

Dang. I was hoping you hadn't updated your signature line in a long time. If they were adults I'd be telling you to consider just packing your bags and getting out of there.


If you confirm the affair what are you currently thinking you might do???

1. I think I might really just be done? No way am I going through THAT again?


2. I'm not sure. It might depend on what I find, how deep she is into it and her reaction to being busted.

I was there when you fought a long long time...doing Plan A, then Plan B, then back to Plan A. I'm thinking this time that, for your mental health and well being IF you choose to fight at all, it should be no more than 3 or 4 weeks before Plan B.

Dang. I'm just so shocked. I wonder if last semptember when your anxiety kicked in is when she happened to meet this OM and it triggered your BH spidey senses. Is your wife mentally ill??? Once can be a mistake and completely out of character but TWICE in ten years after all she put you through last time is a pretty good indication that this is who she is. A narcissitic sadistic unrepentant serial cheater.

I pray you're mistaken.

Other than her password? Do you not have spyware on her devices?

I'm in no condition to fight. What I have been through the last year is unbelievable....and nobody believes me...I've seen 15 Drs...had 3 MRI's. All say anxiety. Taken xanax, valium...AD's....no relief...My W has stood by me for most of it...I'm guessing the A started over the last month. She's on FB messanger at 3:00am..sleeps on the couch often. And I've been through this gig before I'm 99% sure...I Have through the worst hell this past year and still am....from my ailment....this is pushing me to very very deep depths. I barely can put up a normal face to the kids....and I have no proof to present to her...as opposed to last time....I can't even Plan A her in my condition...one year ago I had the best life...and after a nasty upper resp. infection I developed an unbelievable inner tremulous.

So sorry. What about emailing Dr. Harley?

No fight left...been fighting for myself too long....I may give her everything I.v lost my life in a span of 11 months.

What about your kids? Protecting you and the kids?

Have you straight up asked to see her phone and what her passcode is? I mean if she knows MB then she knows there should be complete transparency, correct?

MWIL,

I'm so so sorry. I know how bad this hurts.

You said..

I understand the profound grief and devastation. You have every right to give up working on the marriage, if that's what you choose. You haven't been "fighting for yourself too long" You've been fighting for your W, for your marriage,, but not YOU! MWIL, YOU MATTER! Now it's time to summon up the courage & strength to fight for YOU, your kids, your family. You haven't lost your life in a span of 11 months. You've got kids that love you, need you and are depending on you to be their pillar of strength.

Take the time to grieve, to reflect & gather your strength. Get a plan together. You & your kids matter.

This is what I would do. You don't need too bother snooping. You don't need to bother with plan A. Simply tell her you need to see her phone. If she refuses, that's proof enough. Go to plan B.

when I said fighting for me , it was meant to mean my health that has been horrific. It is not pain but something that has messed up my hormones and nerves severely on a daily basis.

Already did that. She said she wasn't going to play that game.

Then are going to go to Plan B?

Here's a thought: Do you have WiFi at your home?
Home computer?

Perhaps if you somehow got the cell phone service shut down for a night she would need to contact her affair partner and use her cell phone to connect to the house WiFi to get online.

Then, if you have a keylogger on your modem you could get her passwords that way.

or if she wouldnt connect with the cell, perhaps she would use a computer to connect (with keylogger software)?

If possible, I would hire a PI.
let the PI get the evidence and then do a nuclear exposure.

I think she has her phone directly connect to wifi when home. What is a good modem key logger and where to get?

I can relate. Went through everything and thought we were in recover for four years, only to have him do the same thing AGAIN.

Sorry you are going through this, and with a medical condition, I can't imagine.

I just want you to know what you are up against.

The typical cheater has an oops, I unknowingly let someone meet my needs and don't know what happened here.

That's not your WW. She knows what got her into trouble the last time and went down this road AGAIN. She knows how painful this was to you and she knows about MB.

Should you choose to recover with this woman, she probably can't have a cell phone w internet access, she can't be trusted on social media....all opportunities for a SSL and A must be taken away. Not sure what type of job she has but that probably needs to be looked at closely too. Because she is THAT vulnerable to an affair.

Sorry again. I really do understand.

That's all the proof you need. This its supposedly a recovered MB marriage. She KNOWS that doesn't fly. If Markos all of the sudden wouldn't let me see his phone, I would KNOW. Don't bother with Plan A or any more snooping. Go to plan B.