Hi been years since I've been on these boards...I was married before and divorced 10 yrs ago. I am newly married now only a couple of months to a guy I met again on FB and we dated in HS. It all seemed like it was falling into place but a little fast and I was a little blind sited.

I have had a strange on again off again relationship with a guy for 6 yrs prior, we'd go months w/o talking and when I met my husband now we were off again. Husband and I got together so fast that I did fall into an old habit in the beginning after a drunken argument with then boyfriend. I strayed running back to the not good but ol' familiar (not good I know). Fast forward the many months we were dating I had tons of problems w/ his ex of 20 yrs harrassing me calling me names driving a wedge I was not allowed to have feelings about that because I strayed. Now husband then boyfriend came home one night after drinking and told me he was going back to her (says he doesn't remember), so after sitting in our room for 2 hours hurt I told him I'd go back to ex as well. He got angry slashed my car tires and hid my keys...I was afraid so I texted ex (had no prior contact since very beginning) although now husband doesn't/didn't believe me. I was honestly afraid at this point. Ex texted back wanted to know if I was ok I said no, a few nights later I apparently said ex's name in my sleep and my boyfriend (husband) poured a glass of water on my head, when I didn't fully awake he poured another where I was gurgling awake and extremely afraid of him.

That is when I made my 2nd mistake, I thought I wanted to be over ex never treated me this way...No man has ever treated me this way. A week later and renewed contact over foolishness I ran back to see if something was left...I cheated but no there was nothing and I knew it.

I didn't tell my husband of this until our last breakup (he left me 3x running each time back to his ex and even one time spending the weekend w/her). I realized when he was gone how much we do love eachother, we both told eachother what weneeded to hear such a hard week for us both. I wanted this new found love again to be clean so I told him what I'd done months before, didn't hold it over his head about his ex wanted to move forward.

We've since gotten married and since marriage the name calling slut, whore, b*tch, c*nt, I can't believe I married you comments happen if not on a daily basis but every other day. He doesn't seem to care if I need him, want a partner, it all comes back down to what I did. All the time.

Just this morning I was trying to talk to him about something going on w/ me at work. He acted like he didn't care and when I got upset that he didn't seem to give 2 hoots...he threatened to throw a cup of coffee at me.

He doesn't want me talking to 2 of my closest friends about our issues and I feel as if not for them I would have already had a nervous breakdown! I love him, I miss him, I have no more tolerance to this.

How do I get my husband back? I'm sorry I hurt him, I wish I could take it away...this cannot be the answer.

Let me get this straight, you married your affair partner?

This is a terribly confusing account, but I think the story is:

She was married with three kids and divorced that husband 10 years ago.

She met the current H long after the divorce.

She had sex with the first H while dating the current H, following a series of arguments.

She married current H, who now calls her nasty names for cheating with her first H, which she confessed to.

This is why I asked. A woman wouldn't be calling and spewing hateful things to the current woman unless she holds that woman accountable for her failed relationship.

edit: Why did you marriage of 10 years and 3 kids end? Did you talk to this guy (current) at all while you were married?

This is what you posted in 2005.
Your current marriage is not based on Marriage Builders principles.
In your case, if your current husband is threatening to throw coffee at you and pouring water on your face, Dr. Harley would encourage you to separate immediately (today).

This has nothing to do w/ my ex husband the ex was a guy I had a strange on/off again relationship with for last 6 yrs.

I was trying to save a marriage I'm newly in and just found out today even though I supported him financially for 7 months now that he has a job and married w/ joint acct he has withdrawn all his money. Nice!

I did cheat w/ ex boyfriend not husband but I guess I'm asking is do I deserve this? I've really been trying. I want to help him if I can I wanted to believe I could find and achieve true love after 10 yrs of divorce but do I deserve this?

I'm losing my job right now...health issues not helped by new husband. If my dryer is broken he wants a new washer/dryer. My toilet is leaking through the 1st floor not fixed in months...he seems to have no interest in working this out or becoming a partner. That is what I want. I may have cheated w/ 1st husband for not wanting anything to do w/ me in 5 yrs in any way, which I regret. The 1st time I strayed is the night he hit me (husband now) and I didn't think I could deal w/it. 2nd time same old ex boyfriend he slashed my tires and a couple of days later poured the water on me. Now looks like he's robbing us blind. I am confused and lost...no way he has any feelings for me?

I dont understand. Who is married? The boyfriend or your new husband?

Again, Dr. Harley would encourage you to separate today. If you don't have anywhere to go, Harley would encourage you to call a Womens Shelter

To answer the question why she left him (his ex) is because she found an incarcerated man whom she'd gone to school with (made no sense to me) that she brought into their lives. He beat on her so they broke up. When she and he broke up...she became obsessed with my husband again.

That would not affect Dr. Harley's position on abuse.
he would still encourage you to separate today.
Will you do that?

I am married...ex boyfriend who knows no contact. I was previously married 10 yrs ago.

Your H doesn't sound like a safe person to be around.

Do either or both of you have drinking problem?

I agree that Dr Harley would tell you to separate.

I looked at your other threads and you had an affair in the marriage before this one, right?

No answer?

Since you have only been married a couple months, I would separate and file D. You and your husband both seem very messed up and immature. I think you should cut your losses and get your life in order.

This sounds like a complete train wreck.

Hit you.
Poured water on you.
Threatens to throw coffee.

Get out before he kills you. Don't reconcile, this is a serial physical abuser.

If he was already married to someone else when you "married" him, then your marriage to him is not egal or binding. See a lawyer.

The only thing to save here is your life.

Have you read this?
How to Overcome an Abusive Marriage Letter #1