Did you tell her that you cannot afford to contribute to private school?

even if you do pay a visit to the OM, she has to want to end it also. She would also have to want to get back with you. She hasn't shown any indication that she wants to return to you. I'm not trying to be a jerk, just a realist.

She hasn't given any indication, true. However, she is the single most stubborn person I have ever known, besides myself. If she ever admitted to being wrong about her actions, it would be very difficult for her. I can tell you that she may tell people she is happy, but she does not seem like a happy person to me or anyone she has been around who I still talk to. If she were truly happy, she would talk to me like I were inconsequential to her new happy life, but she still ignores me like I am the bad guy. Why?

I did some mild questioning of my 5 year old today. I asked her if POSOM is at her house often, if she sees him.. She said she doesn't, but I'm not sure how accurate that info is. Maybe the xW is wising up to the fact that our kids, as young as they are, know that the situation is wrong.

Passed the xW in my car on the way home twice this week. My girls in that car and I haven't seen them since Saturday evening. It never gets easier.

well, she's living in adultery so she is under the wrath of God.

I didn't commit adultery, but I feel like I m under the wrath of God sometimes.

BlindsidedNM, from your posts I understand you are a Christian so I just wanted to offer you a perspective I learned the hard way.

Intentionally not dealing with bitterness and resentment, and not leaving a wrongdoing person to God's hands does feel like dwelling under the wrath of God, because in a way it is.

I came to find my "deal with the devil" - (i.e. being unable to resolve the issues with my spouse and give up my resentments) - was described in the second half of Isaiah 28 as "covenant with death". Isaiah says the bed will not be long enough and the covers will not be wide enough to ever find comfort while in a covenant with death. The chapter ends with the instructions to take a stick and beat it out, i.e. take strong and decisive measures to beat this situation out of your life.

I didn't dare to do this to my marriage when I finally understood what this chapter meant for my life because I was underemployed. I wanted to wait until I found a more permanent, better income situation. I had more faith in my head than in my heart.

Well, a year later, as I was waiting for resolving (beating out) the marriage situation to be more convenient for me, my marriage got so bad that I had to either "beat it out" or get sick. I also received several other crises in my life until the point that I had to just turn everything over to God. I didn't have the strength to manage it all. One of the crisis is that I am now fully unemployed. I came to learn that God will just turn up the heat until we learn to follow/trust in Him.

After one of the other crisis, I could see how God lovingly made a point to me before it happened so when it was resolved afterwards I could look back and realize that it was in His hands all along.

Now that I have finished beating out the situation with a stick (enforcing MB style boundaries and come what may), I have received at this time a peace that I simply can't understand. I don't know why I'm not beside myself about my employment situation. The old me would have been in a flat out hair-pulling panic.

God so clearly showed me that every trial and tribulation is in His hands and all solutions are provided by Him, so to just trust in Him. Of course I'm not watching TV and eating bonbons all day - and am vigorously using all the means I can and my network to find a job - but I'm at peace that when the opportunity God has for me is ripe in His plan, He will ensure that I encounter it.

Please think about this. You have been living with hard feelings and resentment for a long time. Sometimes life is not fair. Sometimes what you are going through is for another person to learn from. Ultimately, only God knows the plan, so you can choose to continue to kick against the pricks, or give it over to God.

I wish you all the best. I am sorry your deeply held wishes about your marriage are not working out at this time.

Edited: The word for a sharp protrusion from a cactus was censored. ( "kicking against the pr*cks" is a reference from Acts 9:4,5).

Edited: "Sometimes what you are going through is for another person to learn from" is a reference to the first half of 2 Cor 1.

I am definitely going to reply to this - been very busy.

Right now I have a question, though. The xW's birthday is Saturday. I have been thinking of sending her flowers - her favorite kind. When we were separated and arguing a lot, one of the things she accused me of was not even knowing what her favorite flowers were. She was wrong, of course.

I want to send them anonymously, but I am sure she'd know they were from me.

Yes | No

?

I would not send the flowers.
You arent in Plan A or Plan B, so it's hard to give MB based advice

I didn't send flowers, but I did make a 30 second video for her birthday. I had the girls sing "You Are My Sunshine" which is one of the songs they sing at bedtime, then each one of them said "Happy Birthday Mommy". I edited it in iMovie with one of their templates. I texted it to her yesterday evening. She didn't comment until this morning. I'm sure the POSOM was with her last night, probably "celebrating" her birthday with what is more important to her than anything else.

That sounds like a sweet and thoughtful gift. I'm sure she liked it.

Now, don't go mind reading anything else regarding the timelines of her response.

Just remember that you did a nice thing for her.

LTL

I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope it made her feel some guilt. But judging by her response, she is perfectly fine with breaking up her family. She has her "friends" to constantly remind her that she made the right decision.

Great post by L2L. Your response was a classic example of the self-fulfilling prophecy. That is why you are walking on a treadmill.

I know. It's not like I'm that naive. This is the only place I express those thoughts. Outwardly I try to do whatever plan a behaviors I can.

Spoke to her father the other day. He told me something I'll post later. Right now service is about to begin.

Well, like I said before here: the "expression of thoughts" as you say become actions. Actions become habits. Habits become your character. Your character becomes your destiny.

A form of Plan is starting to emerge. Good. But until you address the issue I refer to in my first paragraph, Plan A will flounder.

Happy Easter, Blind.

I followed up today with a picture of our girls in their Easter dresses at church.

Happy Easter to you Blindsided! It sounds like you had a nice Holiday weekend with your daughters. It's up to your exW to realize your dedication your family.

Tom

It is. That's why I am trying to remind her in these ways. She has got to realize sooner or later that any kind of future with POSOM will never fulfill the domestic support need. And I am not talking about money.

So I spoke with her father the other day. Nothing much new to report since he has not spoken to his daughter in a long time. My xW's sister and her family was up a couple weeks ago, as I may have mentioned, and I heard about a conversation she had with my xW. My xW asked her sister why their father ignored the POSOM when he was up to visit when her dad was there. (As if she didn't know??) Her sister told her that (paraphrasing) "he has very strong religious convictions about the situation and does not care to be a part of it, and he does not care to speak with or know the POSOM." When he told me this, I asked him if he would accept it if they got married, and he said that he wouldn't go to the wedding, much less speak to him. So now she knows that her father is not on board, nor will he ever be on board, with the POSOM situation.

I honestly can't believe that she is still with him. He must have good game is all I can say. I am also sure that he has other games going on, since every woman I have talked to about him says the same thing. and it is never complimentary.

That's it for tonight. Long, fun weekend with the girls. I have some other ruminations to share later.

And Happy Easter to you all.!

Flowers for Mother's Day? Yes/No?

I feel like I want to start being proactive. But I'd also like to know what is going on with POSOM, or should I even care?

Since you are not in Plan A or Plan B, I don't know what to suggest.

Personally, i have been divorced with no contact for a couple years and I helped my kids pick flowers and bought them a card to sign for their mom (my ex wife) on Easter.

For Mothers Day, we got a picture frame at the Dollar store and a card for her.