Dear WS,
I�m not really sure how to write this. I want you to know that I have always loved you and I still do. I want nothing more than to be your husband and for you to be my wife. I have always valued our marriage weather I showed it enough or not. The nearly 7 years that we have spent together have been filled with tons of good times, smiles, laughs, love and we used that time to build a wonderful family together.
I know I have not been the greatest husband by a long shot. Some of the ways that I have treated you, my attitude, not including you in the finances as much as you should have been, and not giving you the attention that you so desperately need. I am truly sorry for the part I played in creating the emotional divide in our marriage. I never intended to push you away from me or hurt you.
The pain that your relationship with OM and the relationships that you have had during our marriage has been unimaginable. I really don�t know how else to explain it. Continuing on the way we have been going is not working to do anything for our marriage or our relationship. There is no way I can go on like this without a real commitment from you.
Until you can make a commitment to me, our marriage and our family, be willing to prove to me that you are no longer involved with OM or anyone else, be willing to go forward with the plan, agree to try anything and everything it takes for us to build a loving relationship and marriage I�m going to insist that we no longer have any contact other than when it has to do with the kids. I have attached a proposed schedule on how we can share time with them at least for the time being.
Once you are able to make a commitment and have ended your relationship with Adam completely please let me know and we can talk about restoring our friendship and marriage.
I am very committed to our marriage and really believe that we can build one that is stronger and better than anything we have ever experienced. Starting today I am going to move forward in life and would like you to be there by my side. I Love You.
Your loving husband,
BH

FC:

It is the weekend and there are fewer posters around. Can you wait for a vet to comment on your letter?

What is your story, FC?

I want to warn you that as a man, you should only go to plan B if you no longer wish to recover the marriage. As a man you have a great chance of winning your wife back with Plan A, but WW are not typically won back by Plan B.

So, what are your reasons for wanting to go to Plan B?

Hi feelcrazy, welcome to Marriage Builders. The problem with your letter is that having any contact about anything negates and nullifies your Plan B. Plan B is *NO* contact, not limited contact. Having any contact at all defeats the purpose.

Have you exposed her affair? How will you separate? How long have you been in Plan A? How many affairs has your wife had?

Well to answer your question about how long have I been in plan A I would say roughly 3-4 months. Although I did not have confirmation of the affair and all the details until approximately 2 months ago give or take. Here is the back story ...

Me and my wife have been married for 6 and 1/2 years. We have two children ages 3 and 5. We have had our problems just like every marriage but i never thought anything like this would ever happen. She has been a stay at home mom for the majority of our marriage minus working night jobs here and there throughout the years. We just purchased a new home last august and in October I got her a job with my company working at another location. Fast forward a month and we had a disagreement and did not talk much of that week however on Friday she called me and asked if I could watch the kids so she could go out with her coworkers for dinner and a few drinks which I reluctantly agreed to. She ended up spending over six hours there and come to find out she was sitting in some other mans car talking to him one on one after everyone else had left. She told me about that that night so I made a huge deal out of it and thought I had put a stop to her having any communication with this person. That Sunday she told me that she didn't know if she wanted to be with me anymore and that she didn't think she loved me anymore. There was more contact between the two of them and I told her that it needed to stop to which I thought she complied. We made it through the holidays but I was unaware of the burner phone that she was using to talk with him at that time. Two days after Christmas we got into another argument where things got extremely heated. She moved out that night saying she was going to her mothers for a few days to clear her head. She also informed me at some point that she was going out of town to spend new years with one of her long time friends a few hours away. I had invited her to come spend it with me and the kids at the house so we could watch the ball drop together. She declined. Come to find out she went down there and apparently that was the first time she had a physical relationship with OM. Needless to say those few days turned into months. I tried everything I could to get her to come home with no progress. We fought about the same thing on an almost daily basis "Are we going to be together or not" and the kids schedule. I had a gut feeling that there was something going on because she had never been so cold or heartless towards me. During this entire time we had been seeing a marriage counselor that seemed to do nothing but make things worse. Fast forward to the day before D-Day we went out and had a nice dinner together and actually got along talked she even let me hold her hand and kiss her (reluctantly but none the less). Ended the night dropping her back off at her mothers on a good note. The following day we had an appointment with our pastor which I arranged as a last ditch kind of effort. It went extremely well and we were both in a great mood afterwards so we decided to go grab something to eat. well on the way to dinner we stopped in a parking lot to smoke a cigarette and I asked her if there was anything that I should know. That's when it all came out. well most of it anyway. We never made it to dinner. I had a friend of ours who is a deacon come over and talk with us that night. She told me that she wanted to do the right thing and that she wanted to be with me. Agreed that she needed to quit her job and break off all contact with the OM so that we could move past it and work on our marriage making each other a priority. She moved back home the next day and we had wonderful talks about our future together. Took off Monday and spent it together. The following day she went into the office and resigned. That's when everything went down hill. Her whole attitude changed. That same day she told me she needed to call OM and break it off. I was very against this but somehow she talked me into it my only condition was that she did it on speaker phone to where I could hear the entire conversation and I agreed to not say a word during it. It ended up being a 6 hour phone call where I heard more and more about what had happened between them and I can not even count how many times I Love You was said. End of the night the relationship was not broken off. The following night there was another 3 hour conversation that I did not listen to. Anyway after that she agreed to no contact again and that seemed to be what she was doing at least for a few days. Then there were a few other phone calls and text messages. He ended up stopping by her other job the day after the phone call and I caught her in that and she lied to me about it three times before she said the truth. That was the first time I had ever face-timed her. That weekend we had more heated discussions about everything and she seemed to have decided that she wanted to leave and be with the OM. Up until this point I had not told anyone about it other than the Deacon and Pastor. She ended up leaving that Saturday night and went to his place knowing that I would not stand for my kids to be around OM period. The night she left I exposed to the entire family both sides. By Tuesday she was back at her mothers house. Her parents have refused to support her in anything if she continues on her relationship with the OM. However they didn't seem to have a clue until I exposed. I have read surviving and affair and gave her the book as well which she has already read. however she will not commit to anything nor put forth any real effort (at least none that I would consider to be just compensation). I have a gut feeling just like before that something else is holding her back. I still believe she is continuing to talk to the OM and there is no transparency what so ever. My kids and myself are in what seems like a living hell that she is putting us through on a daily basis.

Sorry for the long length of this but wanted to put as much out there in one sitting as possible. I'm sure I have left some things out but thats the gist of it all.

Currently
She is still living at her mothers.
Tells me nothing about her wherarbouts plans day to day activities
Seems unwilling to move forward with the plan together
Does not want to move back home
Kids have no real schedule and I have not really tried to force one lately in hopes that she would see what it is doing to them and move home
Still "In Love" with OM
attitude toward me is crap unless she pushes me to the point where I turn into a D*** (It takes a lot anymore for that to happen) but when I am a D*** seems to be the only time she doesnt treat me like crap.
I could go on and on and on

Again sorry for the long post. Just wanted to put out as much info in one sitting as possible.

Please go read the thread on exposure in my signature link and come back and let's talk.

I do still want the marriage to work. I still love her just hate what she is doing to our family. Feel like I have been in Plan A since she moved out and it is getting me no where. Honestly not sure what to really do anymore at this point. Have read everything that is recommended on here to read and many many others. Well I'm still in the process of reading LB's. I was under the assumption that she should be willing to go through with the plan together and it not just be all on me (after the Affair is over which is what she is claiming). Please correct me here if I am wrong about this.

I have read it twice. Will read it again.

Sir, your first step is to properly expose the affair to ALL family and friends.
You should also expose the affair to OM family and friends.
Since the affair was in the workplace, I would also expose there.
The OM should be exposed on www.cheaterville.com and www.playerblock.com also.

Have you exposed to the OM's family and friends?

Have you had a criminal background check done on OM? \
Your story is similar to mine...and in my case the OM was a felon!

Was exposed in the office ... at least on my side. OM is enlisted person. I have been blocked from his FB page. No I never exposed to his family/friends. I contacted his wife after the incident back in November of last year never got a response. I do know that him and his wife have been separated for some time now. He was still living with her when the communication between them started. As far as family on our side I believe I have told everyone. All of her close friends already knew about it and were supporting her in it "As long as your happy I am happy for you" that kind of crap.

He is in the military?
You should report this to the military Inspector General office.
You should also expose to his family and friends, and post on Cheaterville and Playerblock.
Ideally, post on the internet and then provide links to the exposure website when you expose to his family and friends

No I have not had a criminal background check done on OM. Didn't think I needed to do that. All I really know about him is his name, he drives a red beamer, separated from his wife, has a >1 year old daughter, in the Army, where he works, and that he is a POS.

I would expose to his contacts and to his parents and most especially to the military (instructions on my exposure thread) Adultery is illegal in the military.

You should also get in touch with his wife and keep open communication with her.

The exposure needs to be your priority prior to delivering any Plan B letter.
In many cases, exposure KILLS affairs.

3-4 months of Plan A is really not that long. You can go much longer than that if you would like to save this marriage.

First, focus your time on trying to kill the affair.
Avoid all Lovebusters when you have any contact with her. Exposure will cause strife in the affair, and you want to make yourself an attractive option to her.

You aren't truly in plan A until a proper expos� has been done so plan A hasn't had much time to work. While you have clearly been doing your best, your efforts to date have also been marred by some degree of love busting.

If you want to save your family, you have much to gain by completing an effective exposure and doing plan A for some time yet.

You have some good pressure points to use for busting up this affair.

Posom may face real trouble from the military if you notify IG. And he hasn't faced any of the pressure from exposure yet. Give him hell. Expose him to IG and on the Internet. Do some research and find his friends and family and expose to them too. His (ex?) bw may be able to help you with intel.

Since your ww parents oppose the affair, seek their help for your marriage. Can you get them to make no contact a condition of staying at their house? Will they tell ww that posom will never be welcome in their family?

Suggest you do meet with a lawyer. Find out what you can do to enforce no contact between your children and posom.

This is far from hopeless. So far this has been pain free action for posom. Give him he'll, and he may run for the hills.

If she hasn't moved home, the affair is not over.

Also, it's not uncommon for a FWW to not really want to go through with the plan and for the husband to have to do a lot of pump-priming. Dr. Harley frequently suggests seeing your doctor to get antidepressants prescribed short term. It's usually better to try this before going to Plan B, because Plan B doesn't usually make a wife decide to recover the marriage.

I would agree that my efforts have definitely been marred by some love busting. It is somewhat difficult for me to determine when I am love busting and when I am just making a stand.

I will do what I can in exposing Posom.

Her parents did tell her that no contact is a condition of staying at their house. However I do not believe that she is holding up her end of the deal on that. They have told her that the posom would never be welcomed into the family. They actually told her this before I exposed to them before she moved home the first time. Contact between me and her parents improved greatly after she moved out. However currently it is much less than it has been. I have not had any real contact with her mother in a few weeks (long story) but the gist of it is that she did not do what she said she would do.

I have met with a lawyer. If she would have stayed living at posom's apartment then it would have been easy to enforce. However unless I can prove she is still in contact with OM then there is not much that I can do legally. Lawyer is currently on retainer to draft a separation agreement if it comes to that.

Please tell me where you see the hope in all of this because I do not see any. Could just be my emotions and all that mess but i am not sure.