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HOPEFULLY, the OMW and all of the OM's family will tell him and he will tell your WW and your WW will tell you. Try and get some good facts from the OMW and pass them along to your wife.
I would ask both your mother and her mother to stop enabling her by giving her a place to live. All that does is enable her abandonment and give her a place to flop while she carries on her affair. "working on the marriage" obviously cannot be done while separated. If she was ever serious about "working on the marriage" she would have moved home. So I should call her parents out on it. Ask them to quit enabling her and ask her to leave and go back home. If they do that and she moves home what is it that I do if she refuses transparency and continues to treat me the way she has. Maybe I should have lunch one day this week with her dad and see where it goes. I believe they are more worried about our children at the moment and not looking at the long term consequences of our marriage failing. Her parents are still together. Mine are not. Would it be acceptable for her to stay in the guest room because I'm almost positive that is what she will ask for if that happens (she has brought it up before). It is extremely difficult to have a conversation with her at this point. She has an unprecedented amount of resentment and anger towards me. I guess that is also normal? She holds everything from the past over my head and if I do anything that she does not like it gets thrown in my face. If I say anything about the affair her response is "It is over and done with why don't you just let it go and move on" or something to that affect. I have read that it takes some time for the "Fog" to go away but some of this stuff is quite brutal.
BH
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Lets say the OMW tells you he has had other affairs. You would call your wife and say, "hey I spoke the OM's wife and did you know he has other girlfriends? I really hope you are getting checked for STDs; I am very worried about you." I see. Well I guess we will see what happens as far as what the OMW says. You may even find out that the OM and his wife are trying to get back together. I find it very interesting that your wife has not moved in with the OM. There must be some kind of problem there. See, if she moved in with him, the affair would collapse FASTER because reality will wreck the affair. With her living with her mother, the fantasy of the affair can go on and on... Regardless, the OM is a married man and his wife needs to know the affair is still on. She moved in with him for 2-3 days after returning home for two weeks. When she realized that I would not allow the children to be around OM or be exposed to that at all she moved back to her mothers. She was going to come home however at that point I told her not to bother.
BH
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Is this a workplace affair? It was. She no longer works there. D-day was a Friday. She said she wanted to do the right thing moved back home. We had a good weekend discussed the NC and she agreed. we also both mutually agreed that she needed to quit that job. Tuesday she went in and resigned. Things went downhill from there. very very fast.
BH
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feel_crazy,
As others here have likely told you once you being your exposure of OM make sure you hit all the targets before OM gets a chance to beat you to the punch and do damage control.
Expose completely and without warnings or threats.
OMs workplace is another prime target as it hits OM in the wallet.
God Bless
Gamma The position she was in was as a government contractor. He is enlisted. I have exposed on the corporate side. I did threaten a while back.
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So I should call her parents out on it. Ask them to quit enabling her and ask her to leave and go back home. If they do that and she moves home what is it that I do if she refuses transparency and continues to treat me the way she has. Maybe I should have lunch one day this week with her dad and see where it goes. I believe they are more worried about our children at the moment and not looking at the long term consequences of our marriage failing. Her parents are still together. Mine are not. I expect her to refuse transparency. You can't force that. But you have much more influence if she is at home. I would go see her parents TOGETHER and ask to support your marriage and send her home. Separation HARMS your marriage in every aspect. FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN THEY SHOULD NOT SUPPORT HER ABANDONMENT. Would it be acceptable for her to stay in the guest room because I'm almost positive that is what she will ask for if that happens (she has brought it up before). That is fine. You can't FORCE her to sleep in your bed. It is extremely difficult to have a conversation with her at this point. She has an unprecedented amount of resentment and anger towards me. I guess that is also normal? She holds everything from the past over my head and if I do anything that she does not like it gets thrown in my face. If I say anything about the affair her response is "It is over and done with why don't you just let it go and move on" or something to that affect. This is a classic wayward tactic. What they do is rewrite history to demonize you. It is much easier to justify an affair when you are nmarried to SATAN. So she must portray you as satan by exaggerating her greivances against you. I have read that it takes some time for the "Fog" to go away but some of this stuff is quite brutal. I have no earthly what you have read. The fog goes away rather quickly once the affair is over. Your wifes affair is not over.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The position she was in was as a government contractor. He is enlisted. I have exposed on the corporate side. I did threaten a while back. Did you expose to the IG as per the instructions on my exposure thread? I believe I suggested this yesterday. Did you do it today? Threatening is USELESS.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She moved in with him for 2-3 days after returning home for two weeks. When she realized that I would not allow the children to be around OM or be exposed to that at all she moved back to her mothers. She was going to come home however at that point I told her not to bother. Like I said, there is some reason she can't live with the OM. She did not move out of the OM's because of the children. She could have easily seen the kids without the OM around. I wonder if it is because the OM is back with his wife or trying to get back with her?? 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Did you expose to the IG as per the instructions on my exposure thread? I believe I suggested this yesterday. Did you do it today?
Threatening is USELESS. Yes I did expose to the IG as per the instructions I copy and pasted there response to me earlier today.
BH
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Do I have to go look for it?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She moved in with him for 2-3 days after returning home for two weeks. When she realized that I would not allow the children to be around OM or be exposed to that at all she moved back to her mothers. She was going to come home however at that point I told her not to bother. Like I said, there is some reason she can't live with the OM. She did not move out of the OM's because of the children. She could have easily seen the kids without the OM around. I wonder if it is because the OM is back with his wife or trying to get back with her?? I played a vital roll in getting her to leave his place. I put an extreme amount of pressure and emphasis on it. But I never thought about it like that. Her family completely supported me and was furious with her up until the point where she moved back with them.
BH
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Do I have to go look for it? Here it is Complaint Form Thank you for using the online complaint form. Your information will be reviewed and if you have provided sufficient information a case will be entered and a case number will be generated. If you have provided your contact info you will be contacted. Thank you. Army IG.
BH
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Good deal! I would press forward and get the rest of your exposures done. Expose to his wife, his family and friends. AND get to her parents asap and ask them to stop enabling her. You can't possibly work on your marriage if she is not home.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I played a vital roll in getting her to leave his place. I put an extreme amount of pressure and emphasis on it. But I never thought about it like that. Her family completely supported me and was furious with her up until the point where she moved back with them. I don't believe she moved out because of your pressure. It may have played a small part, but she is so addicted that she was willing to sacrifice her children and her husband. And even her parents if necessary. Pressure like that does not FAZE a wayward high on an affair. I think there is more to the story that you don't know.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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This is a classic wayward tactic. What they do is rewrite history to demonize you. It is much easier to justify an affair when you are nmarried to SATAN. So she must portray you as satan by exaggerating her greivances against you. I have definitely been demonized. Many many things have been exaggerated. I have done my fair share of crappy stuff but nothing to deserve any of this. I have been faithful to my wife and family. Not the perfect husband or even close but I have always loved my wife. Have not always put her first but that is something I am willing to change.
BH
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I played a vital roll in getting her to leave his place. I put an extreme amount of pressure and emphasis on it. But I never thought about it like that. Her family completely supported me and was furious with her up until the point where she moved back with them. I don't believe she moved out because of your pressure. It may have played a small part, but she is so addicted that she was willing to sacrifice her children and her husband. And even her parents if necessary. Pressure like that does not FAZE a wayward high on an affair. I think there is more to the story that you don't know. That is a possibility. You are bringing up a lot of different things that I have not really thought about. Doesn't help that my folks are all on the divorce train and think I am crazy for even trying to work anything out the way she is treating me.
BH
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This is a classic wayward tactic. What they do is rewrite history to demonize you. It is much easier to justify an affair when you are nmarried to SATAN. So she must portray you as satan by exaggerating her greivances against you. I have definitely been demonized. Many many things have been exaggerated. I have done my fair share of crappy stuff but nothing to deserve any of this. I have been faithful to my wife and family. Not the perfect husband or even close but I have always loved my wife. Have not always put her first but that is something I am willing to change. Just understand it is part of the addiction and when she brings it up, just agree and say "I would like to learn to be better in the future." That will neutralize her complaints. What you can't do is get into fights about it. Just agree and tell her you will do your best to be better.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[
That is a possibility. You are bringing up a lot of different things that I have not really thought about. Doesn't help that my folks are all on the divorce train and think I am crazy for even trying to work anything out the way she is treating me. There is no reason your marriage can't be saved. Most marriages don't end over adultery. We have seen much worse than this come back from the dead.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Just understand it is part of the addiction and when she brings it up, just agree and say "I would like to learn to be better in the future." That will neutralize her complaints. What you can't do is get into fights about it. Just agree and tell her you will do your best to be better. I am doing the best I can to avoid fighting about it. That seems to be a very difficult thing for me to do right now. But I will try harder on that.
BH
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I think there is more to the story that you don't know. I agree. And OMW may be able to provide additional information.
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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There is no reason your marriage can't be saved. Most marriages don't end over adultery. We have seen much worse than this come back from the dead. Faith the size of a mustard seed ... right 
BH
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