My H had an affair with a gal 26 years his junior while I stayed home to watch our three year old and to deal with morning sickness from my newly aquired pregnancy. I discovered the affair and it ended...period. My husband has tried very hard to make it all up to me. He reads all the books, (Dr. Harley's) he has gone to counseling, he makes time for me and our marriage. The problem is me. I am still a very bitter, depressed and very pregnant woman. I have never felt so low. What I thought was to be a special union was just a hoax. I cannot put my wedding rings back on because they remind me of the farce the they symbolized. Yes, I have gone to therapy too. I have read all of Dr. Harley's info. It has all helped. It is just that I have never felt so betrayed. If he was a friend, our friendship would be over, but I am scared being pregnant alone. I need his support to help with the new baby. He has done all that he can do, but he cannot erase the past. It has been four months since the discovery of the OW. The affair with her lasted three months. My question is "how do I make it better? and Can it all work out after the affair?" I would like to hear from someone who has healed after an experience like this. I do not want to throw 12 years of marriage away, but I can't live in this depressed state anymore. Any suggestions?

Welcome. Did I read right that you were pregnant when it happened, when you found out and pregnant still? OK, I re-read. Four month. <P>This is a hard journey for any of us and even moreso since you're carrying a baby. <P>Our favorite (yuck) word. Time. It's hard enough to be a pregnant lady (been there, done that) and hard enough to be on this ride. We have some member who've gone through both at once. They'll do best to advise you. <P>But it will take time. More than you've had so far. And it'll take a little hormone adjustment for you too. Sorry, not sexist - it just makes stress that much harder to handle.<P>You have an advantage in that he is trying. I know how badly this hurts. You're doing the right things. Remember to take good care of yourself to get through this thing.<P>There are success stories here. I'm not there yet. But I do hope to be one day. <P>Until they check in, hang in there. Try very hard to focus on what you want from this day forward. I know, easier said than done.<P>Hang in there.<P>Lori

I would hate to deal with this while pregnant. THe fact is time will help but with the rollercoaster ride you go through just being pregnant and to add this, I know it is very hard for you. I have enough trouble keeping my estrogen level where I don't go flying out the door and bursting in to tears at the drop of the hat. I am not a success story may never be one, but you will still have to go through all of this no matter what. You have to deal with the pain and I, who has to do it alone he left, feel it is better to to work through it together. My prayers for you and a healthy baby.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Welcome, from another pregnant lady-I didn't find out during the pregnancy but I can imagine the stress your under. The only thing I can tell you is that I can relate to your feelings of wondering if you will ever get beyond those feelings. First and formost may I suggest deep breathing, it was the hardest thing for me but I forgot how to breath deeply and this affected my emotions. The other thing is that if your that depressed you may want to look into some anti-depressants. They are mainly on the b list as far as pregnancy and they may be what you need right now, I would talk to your doctor as well as your counsellor. <BR>I am a success story. A year ago this past weekend my H came home and asked me for a divorce. This past weekend he took me away for a second honeymoon. I stay on this board to help others to repay in kind some of the wonderful people on this board who helped me. I hope you find a little bit of peace on this board as well. I noticed that you said you read Dr. Harley's books. May I also suggest "After the Affair". It is a truly wonderful book that answered some of the questions you also seemed to ask. They are good valid questions that you have a right to, but now you need to start thinking clearly and sorting out what you really want to do about this.<BR>And alot of the people on this board are wonderful, thoughtful and helpful people. The wonderful thing is that almost any time of day or night you can post your questions and it helps in getting the answer.<BR>Remember, breath deeply! Count your blessings daily, including the little one growing inside you right now, and remember he really wants to work things out with you, otherwise he would have left, he chose to stay, so things are in your court.<BR>God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

Thanks everyone! Your comments come at a really good time. I have never been depressed in my whole life and it is really something that I hate being. I have not considered anti-depressents because I feel that I already have hindered my unborn child's best chance of a normal growth. See, when I found out about my H and the OW, I found it very hard to eat and sleep. I was not kind to my body and resented the fact that I was pregnant with HIS baby. For a very short time I did not treat my body right and I am sorry that I did not have the right frame of mind that a pregnant woman needs when tending to her unborn child. I will consider anti-depressants as soon as this little fellow is born (in a couple of weeks) and hopefully,I will not suffer post-partum depression.