Last year my wife told me she no longer loves me and at the same time revealed an EA with a co-worker. I was devastated and reacted like a typical man in this situation and tried to fix everything and went overboard doing it. I checked her phone and emails and the EA seems one sided and not physical. When I confronted her about it she immediately stopped talking with him. She says there is no longer anything there.
The last few months I've done my best to address her needs. I've educated my self (5 Love Languages, No More Mr. Nice Guy, Love Must be Tough, forums etc.) and I believe I've improved overall as a person. Many times things seem perfectly normal, we hold hands, hug, kiss, talk, I receive complements, we spend time together as a family (2 kids ages 3 and 5). But every time sex comes up she reminds me that there is no love between us and she wants to separate. We've tried MC and in the beginning saw improvements but eventually that broke down and we stopped going.
She feels like she has no control over her life and wants to make choices for herself. She's left a few times for a few days but comes back without any decisions. Our last break down happened when I told her that I would like her to be there for me physically. That she can't just have me around as her family and friend. I've told her that she is free to do what ever she wants and that I won't stop her if she wants to leave. I've tried a combination of Plan A and PlanB / 180 but every time I start seeing results we run into the intimacy issue again.

I can't find many resources on men in the situation I'm in. I keep trying these 180s but I keep falling every time she starts coming back to me.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm completely lost right now. Being there for her doesn't seem right because I don't want to be treated this way but at the same time I feel like she still cares for me.

Wow, you have certainly beaten the bushes but have been using all the WRONG resources. Not one of those plans are a plan to save your marriage.

The problem is that your wife is in an active affair. You can't save your marriage until you kill the affair. Keeping the affair a secret helps it thrive and grow.

I would have this thread moved over to Survivng an Affair forum, download the book Survivng an Affair on kindle for PC's and get to work on exposure.

Who is the OM? Is he married?

He is a co-worker, single I believe. I haven't been able to find any evidence that the affair is still going. I've asked her and she says she doesn't love him. With the lack of evidence I believe her. What am I missing here?

What you are missing is that the affair is alive and well. You shouldn't go by what she says but by what she DOES. And what she does is sees her lover every day at work. She goes off to be with him when she leaves for those days. Surely you understand that? Saying the affair is over is like believing an alcoholic goes into the bar every day and drinks but is sober because he calls his drinks "business drinks." Just SEEING him at work is a continuation of the affair. Even so, their romance has not died at all. They just went further underground.

What you should do is - TODAY - dig up everything you can on him. Go to his facebook page, google him, find him on peoplefinder.com and find out if he is married. Get all the information you can.

After you do that, go to my exposure thread and read it thoroughly. It will give you a plan to save your marriage.

She goes off to be with her OM.