That's my assumption too. And it IS a disrespectful one. For all we know everything VJ does has his wife's enthusiastic seal of approval. It just seems unlikely because he objects to telling her things - so how can she approve of what she has no knowledge of?

So we are tempted to piece things together and make DJ's. So is she, I imagine. However we don't have a spouse's lovebank to maintain so we can do this. She on the other hand needs to maintain his love for her so she cannot make DJ's. She needs full disclosure and radical honesty to avoid doing this.

As a spouse we have to either calmly insist on honesty or snoop. That would be my advice to her. And to avoid lovebusters like anger in her quest for honesty. But she isn't the one posting.



I am rooting for VJ too! That is why I am trying to discourage him from diagnosing his wife's mindset with DJ's. That is a dead end and he won't find any answers down that path.

He can also write directly to Dr Harley if he wants someone with direct experience of all kinds of abusive behaviour. I

What about writing Dr. Harley?

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.

indiegirl



Dr. Harley�s definition of IB:

I define Independent Behavior as the conduct of one spouse that ignores the feelings and interest of the other spouse.

My statement about Vicky behaving with IB was not an assumption. It was based on the above definition and the quote by Vicky below.





I think of Vicky as the underdog because of some of the DJ's directed his way:








**edit**

Yes, I thought I was agreeing with you. No offense intended.

nononononooo The reason is that we are here is to discuss Dr Harley's opinion, not our own. This is not a platform for personal philosophies, unlike a marriage. In marriage, both perspectives count; on this board, DR HARLEY'S perspective counts.

The litmus test for a viewpoint on this board is: does this view align with Dr Harleys?

[**EDIT**

A reminder to posters to contact the moderators if you have an issue with the posts. Rather than starting a debate about posting styles, let us review the post and moderate if necessary. Thank you.

Thank you Danali. I apologize indiegirl. I am sensitive about this for personal reasons and should have recognized that and refrained from posting what I did.

Thank you ML for the reminder of what advice on MB is supposed to reflect. I apologize to you and the other posters I referenced, as well.

No worries, T