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The one other previous time WD was absent from his thread topic was due to being involuntarily hospitalized in a mental health facility.
This absence is now over 1 week.
I hope that the previous scenario did not replay.
My thoughts and Prayers are with you and your Wife and Family WD.
LTL
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Usually absences like this are attributed to the BH turning the wheel over to WW to let them drive recovery right into the ditch...
The WW makes demands, and the BH is so relieved because he thinks he's got his wife back that he capitulates...
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Usually absences like this are attributed to the BH turning the wheel over to WW to let them drive recovery right into the ditch...
The WW makes demands, and the BH is so relieved because he thinks he's got his wife back that he capitulates... That is my unspoken concern too. LTL
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Usually absences like this are attributed to the BH turning the wheel over to WW to let them drive recovery right into the ditch...
The WW makes demands, and the BH is so relieved because he thinks he's got his wife back that he capitulates... Maybe. I had the same thoughts too, but then again, WD is a pretty sharp guy with resolve. He's made a lot of really good decisions and has followed the program to a T.
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Oh, he has his mind right. He's never wavered under even the most stark circumstances.
I'm hoping nothing is really wrong of course but it may just be a trip away.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Usually absences like this are attributed to the BH turning the wheel over to WW to let them drive recovery right into the ditch...
The WW makes demands, and the BH is so relieved because he thinks he's got his wife back that he capitulates... That is my unspoken concern too. LTL I think that is what happened here. Usually when someone abruptly stops posting its not good news.
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All,
It does no good to WD or us to speculate. Indie may be correct in that he may be on vacation and enjoying too much to respond here. WD seem like a sincere good guy, and I think we are all wondering. However, to post speculations that something went awry is premature.
I would like to make a suggestion - we all post our prayers, no matter what faith, on the prayer forum here for WD and his family. Of course, saving this marriage is up to WD and his wife, but I believe that prayers and support from companions may help. I will lead off on that forum with my own simple prayer.
Tom
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What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Hi,
I just wanted to post a couple of things. The first is that we may all realize that WD may not come back on here for whatever his reason may be. The second, and most important is that I was presumptuous in suggesting the prayer lead on the other forum, and realizing that I offended Jedi and BH, and maybe others, in doing so. My offense is giving the impression that others need a reason to pray for a particular concern, when in fact you guys were already doing that unannounced. My feeling at the time was urgency and need for prayers for WD, but I truly realize that I am the least of you who should be asking for prayers for anyone.
Still hope and pray for WD, but life does move on.
Thanks,
Tom
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Tom,
The Bible tells us to 'Pray for one another."
You have done nothing offensive in asking people to pray for another.
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To all my MB friends, I apologize for my long absence. I took a break from the board and many other things to focus on my wife and children. I treasure everyone here my wife and I are doing great. My wife and I have been read LB , Surviving An Affair , His Needs Her Needs, we are also doing the couple's love dare. I can say one thing My wife and I have been blessed with God's Grace. I will be back in a bit with more to update. By the way I have been in the driver seat of putting our new marriage back together.
ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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That's great news!
If you and your wife enjoy devotionals, a really good book written by Dr. Harley is Drawing Close. It's based on all the concepts, and each chapter is very brief. After we completed the Online Seminar and the longer books like SAA and HNHN and LB, we went through the entire book of Draw Close two years in a row in just a few minutes every night in bed before going to sleep.
Did she ever write the No Contact Letter? Have you both instituted EPs? Are you living a transparent and integrated life together?
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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Did she ever write the No Contact Letter? Have you both instituted EPs? Are you living a transparent and integrated life together? Please answer these.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Yes she wrote the letter. I have all of her passwords. It's actually one. And she has mine. reconciliation papers were signed the divorce was dropped. I went to court yesterday to contest the ppo or also known as restraining order that was issued by posom. He actually showed up and his lawyer along with mine convinced him to drop it other wise ther e would be a hearing that would become public record with facts of the affair. He withdrew the ppo. My wife didn't want me to go it actually made her upset and she said he would be stupid to show. We both agreed that she would not testify in my behalf. Now I know why Dr. Harley says no contact for the both of us with OM. It made me uncomfortable to be around him. We agreed on the record there would be no contact with eachother and my wife. My wife is looking for another job daily. That is the last thing for her to do is get a new job. My step son and I have been improving our relationship. He actually talked to me and my wife about school and his friends and how they make him feel etc... Real awesome progress. He use to never talk to us. He is very happy he is home.
My wife thanks me everyday for what I have done to save and improve our marriage.
Last edited by wifedivorcing; 05/13/14 04:36 PM.
ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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I'm glad all of your painstaking efforts paid off for you WD and i hope you consider sticking around on this forum to share your experiences and emotions with others going through similar circumstances.
Great News. Now keep the pedal to the metal and don't let your guard down.
LTL
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Yay! Just want to add about posting. I agree you should stick around maybe go to the recovery boards. Will your wife be willing to post as well?
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What is the rest of your plan for Recovery?
Have you dangled the online course or personal coaching aspects to your Wife yet, and if so, how has she responded?
Does she know about your forum postings yet?
Do you still have the GPS Tracker in place to confirm she is committed to adhering to NC?
I'm undecided and will wait for vets to chime in regarding having her post here if she sees your entire thread, even though eventually that would create significant accountability.
LTL
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I'm very grateful for all the help you great people on MB have given me. I'm still going to IC. I will tell everyone on this board, God has kept me calm through every storm thrown at me, I continue to remain calm in my every day life now. I will have to also say, I prayed to God and I began a very strong faith. I can't even explain it, my wife, counsler and family and friends have noticed this calmness.
I'm very glad I didn't ask specific details of her affair, God told me not to ask and it didn't matter, so I never asked. I'm fine not knowing.
The relationship that is starting with my son is great, its a work in progress, however I already see a huge difference.
My wife and I have found out that sons father has been drinking untill he passes out from his girlfriend and she is concerned about son who and now we might know why he has been so withdrawn from us and everyone around him. My IC has given me some information for a camp where children can go, who have parents who have a substance abuse problem.
I would again like to thank everyone on MB who has helped me.
I will continue to come on the boards to help others and to continue with my own marriage.
I can say I have transformed into something I cant even explain, I can say I have been loving my wife like Jesus loves the church. My wife continues to thank me everyday for everything I have done, She loves the new me and she loves being with me every second we can be together. I can tell you God has done alot of this for me and my wife.
My wife told me when she was staying with GF she would get up every night and go into the living room crying and praying to God, he told her every time to go home. So she listened to him and came home.
There were several times we went to church together and every service God spoke to the both of us through the pastors message, it was like we were the only to people in the church. God continues to speak to us daily.
ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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I do have the GPS still on her car and she has not gone to OM, home work etc...She calls me when ever she goes somewhere if Im not with her. I plan on emailing Dr. Harley to set up a phone call with him and my wife, like he asked me to. I have mentioned the phone coaching, she is open to it, we are going to Florida at the end of the month for our 4 year wedding anniversary. When we get back I will check into to it.
We have done the HNHN work sheets, we have been doing the LOVE DARE Couples challange which is for 1 year. I will continue to do MB courses. I don't think I will show her my postings yet.
I have mentioned this site to her and we have looked at some of the stuff together and she is very open to Dr. Harley books etc...
My wife has told me she never wants to go through this ever again.
We watched Fireproof ans she was crying at the end of the movie and she asked me if I watched the movie before, I havent seen the movie since it came out, she told me that was us and you did the love dare. I did do something like it except I did my own spin on it. So anyone reading this post, start changing yourself first to become that person your spouse would be crazy to leave. I was changing me very earlier on and the exposure was the icing on the cake.
ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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WD, thanks so much for checking in!! Like the others, I am VERY concerned about your recovery plan. With no plan of recovery you will end up in a crippled version of your pre-affair marriage. It will be a slow death of a thousand cuts. The Love Dare has some good points, some very bad points, but more importantly it has no plan of recovery from an affair. No, it does not. Its concepts about unconditional love will prevent you and your wife from creating a compatible, romantic marriage. Their specialty is NOT infidelity. It is very important that you get to work now and start recovering your marriage. Your marriage will not recover by magic. It is a very precise plan that will not bear any corner cutting. [believe me, I tried!!!] Read this: " The plan I recommend for recovery after an affair is very specific. That's because I've found that even small deviations from that plan are usually disastrous. But when it's followed, it always works. The plan has two parts that must be implemented sequentially. The first part of the plan is for the unfaithful spouse to completely separate from the lover and eliminate the conditions that made the affair possible. The second part is for the couple to create a romantic relationship, using my Basic Concepts as a guide. I'll describe these two parts to you in a little more detail. The first step, complete separation from the lover and eliminating the conditions that made the affair possible, requires a complete understanding of the affair. All information regarding the affair must be revealed to the betrayed spouse, including the name of the lover, the conditions that made the affair possible (travel, internet, etc.), the details of what took place during the affair, all correspondence, and anything else that would shed light on the tragedy. This information is important for two reasons: (1) it creates accountability and transparency, making it essentially impossible for the unfaithful spouse to continue the affair or begin a new one unnoticed, and (2) it creates trust for the betrayed spouse, providing evidence that the affair is over and a new one is unlikely to take its place. The nightmares you experience are likely to continue until you have the facts that will lead to your assurance that your husband can be trusted. An analysis of the wayward spouse's childhood or emotional state of mind in an effort to discover why he or she would have an affair is distracting and unnecessary. It takes precious time away from finding the real solutions. I know why people have affairs: We are all wired for it. Given certain conditions, we would all do it. Given other conditions, however, none of us would do it. So the goal of the first step is to discover the conditions that made the affair possible and eliminate them. After the first step is completed, the second step is to create a romantic relationship between you and your husband using my 10 Basic Concepts here as your guide. While your relationship may be improving, it won't lead to a romantic relationship because you are not being transparent toward each other. Unspoken issues in a marital relationship lead to a superficiality that ruins romance. Your nightmares are only the tip of the iceberg. They are but a small reflection of the suffering you experienced when you discovered your husband's affair, and the fear you have that the suffering will be repeated. You have no assurance that the affair is over because you don't even know who the other woman is. You are being asked to trust your husband, who has already proven to be untrustworthy. For all you know, he could be working with her, or you could be going to the same church, or she could be your neighbor. And since he won't discuss the details of how the affair took place, you have no assurance that another affair will not take its place. Infidelity is not something that can be swept under the rug. While those who have affairs want to forget about it and move on, those who are betrayed must take very specific steps before they can fully recover. In your case, those steps have not been taken, and as a result, your fear persists. I will send you a complimentary copy of my book, "Surviving an Affair," if you send me your address. It will describe these two steps to you and provide you with a roadmap toward full recovery. But the path will require full disclosure of all details.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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