Husband had an EA without realizing it at the start of the year. I knew this girl from his work and realized she was after him since last October but I felt secure in our marriage so I never mentioned it.

Fast forward to March and they both go to the same conference for a week. They decided to have a fling there that would be over when they came home.

When they came home she kicked her husband out of the house and started pressuring mine.

I could tell something was going on. So the Friday before Easter after he went to bed I broke into his phone and found texts. I woke him up and confronted him.

We went back to bed and when he woke up that Saturday he said he was sorry and he wanted to work our marriage out. He was truly repentant. He said he felt like she was pushing him too fast and that it was making things hard at work. He went for a nap due to the late night and instead of sleeping she kept texting him and he left that night.

He told me he wasn't going to do anything rash like file for divorce and then I got served papers.

He's been gone five weeks as of today.

Until last week he came over every night for dinner. He was sad and sorry. But he still went back. So I told him he can't come over anymore because it was killing me.

Now he's gone into a mostly no contact unless it's about our son mode. I'm going into no contact too as of tomorrow. I screwed up today.

The thing is that I know he still loves me. He's said multiple times if this doesn't work out he'll come home but he just has to walk this path to see. Neither of us are pushing hard for a finalization of the divorce. Our bank account is secure and I'm still using it like we're married.

He likes my posts on Facebook when I post about us finding our way back to each other even though we're in mostly NC.

He said the other day that no one at work except for who absolutely has to know knows about the affair. I exposed to our friends and family. He's very upset about the way people think of him. I'm learning that's not my fault at all.

We had a really good marriage. People always thought of us as a power couple. He got a promotion, we had a kid, I started my own business and we drifted apart a bit. But by no means was it arguing or abuse or anything like that.

I just want to know do we have a shot if I wait this out? He's said he'd come back. I really need some advice.

Welcome to MB.

Have you exposed?

Have you been tested for a full STD/I panel?

I exposed to friends and family. I have been for the panel but since they started having sex we didn't.

Hi Lovemywas, welcome to Marriage Builders. I am sorry for the reasons that brought you here. Your marriage can recover, but it is real important to expose the affair at work and to the OW's family and contacts.

Affairs thrive on secrecy so bringing it out into the open makes it much harder for them to carry on. Exposing it at work, will motivate them to leave the job and that is the only hope for your marriage.

Your marriage will NEVER EVER recover as long as they work at the same place.

I would also expose the affair to any children over age 4.

Additionally, Dr Harley would tell you to go into Plan B, which is a totally dark separation with no contact at all. Any communication about finances or your son would have to be facilitated through an intermediary. The book, Surviving an Affair explains this process. You can download this book on Kindle right away.

Did you expose at his work?

Who did you expose to on OW's side?

So you did go for the panel, but you haven't had sex with him since March? Is that correct?

I exposed at work too. That's why he went NC on me. I'm going NC on him tomorrow too. I just wrote the love letter thing he mentioned. He has 50/50 custody of our son (I agreed to that when I was weak) so he's at the OW's house now.

I exposed to the OW's husband who thought that it was all his fault. My husband has met her parents so there's no need to expose there. My panel came out clean but we haven't had sex since he started the affair. I knew something was off.

HOW did you expose at work? And to WHOM?

And I would not allow your child around the OW. How old is your child?

What love letter and who is he?

Do you have an intermediary?

My son is 4. I talked to my lawyer and I was going to fight this but it would have cost all our savings and he would still have ended up with 50/50. This is California... that's just how things are.

I exposed him to HR. They're doing an investigation since he's in a leadership position and she's a JR employee that used to be on his team.

ok, gotcha. I would not allow him around the OW ever. I would strongly suggest you go to the OW's facebook page and expose the affair to all of her contacts. Before you do that, post her picture and story on shesahomewrecker.com and cheaterville.com. You can send those links to her facebook contacts along with a request that they persuade her to leave your husband alone. Please go read my exposure thread on how to do a facebook exposure.

She was smart enough to block me. So I can't do that.

Then sign out of your account and go to her page and copy her contacts into a text doc. Can you do that?

And you most certainly CAN post her photo and story on shesahomewrecker.com and cheaterville.com and send thee links wide and far.

Do you know her parents contact info? I would be contacting them asking for their help.

We work in computers so we all have our pages locked down tight. Her parents know and support her. My husband's had a weekend away (our fifth anniversary weekend) at their house with my son. They went kayaking.

What about her BH, will he help in exposing to her side? Does he want to save his marriage?

No he's fine with it all apparently. The only thing he did when I told him via email was to text her and tell her I told him.

Will he give you contact information of people on her side that he knows will make a difference for you to expose to?

That is where I would start. Expose the affair to her family and friends. You can't give up this easily. YOU need to have a conversation with her parents and her family members. I don't believe her parents are THAT uncaring that they would condone and support adultery.

And you can't allow your son to be taken around the affair. This will cause terrible moral confusion for him. He will just assume you are endorsing adultery and will grow up doubting his instincts about right and wrong.

It is YOUR JOB to protect him from that.

How do you know all this? How do you know she didn't intercept it?