Hello everyone.<P>In alot of my past postings, I mentioned that I felt God wanted me an my ex to be together. To help him straighten out his life and bring him back to God. After another of our million arguments yesterday, I have to question that feeling comming from God or satan.<P>This spat started over pictures he had gotten from his mom. He was putting them together in a photo album. What made me mad was the fact he put pics of his ex wife in there. (mine too). Normally this would not be a big issue, but the fact that he tore all of my ex boyfriends pic up made it one. He felt because he was with her for 16 years and she is the mother of his child (think I will puke now), it's no big deal/ and the fact my ex boyfriend was a part of my past means nothing.<P>Of course things accelerated. For some reason he decided to let me in on some of his disgusting things he has don in the past. Told me I would not want him if I knew. First off he had always said he never cheated on his first wife, loved her with all his heart. Well now he admits to cheating for 8 months towards the end while in electronic school. Also when 16 and just met first wife, met 2 women at a Motel 6 for a threesome. Babysitter from his home state came here to visit once when he was 17, and he slept with her (in her 30's then). Said he tried to kill a man before too. Oh, and his ex and other women like it in the exit unlike me. Don't know why he had to share that.<P>Now with his perversions on the computer. When I was at his house a week or so ago, we had the internet phone on with video. I thought it would be funny to give all the pervs out there something to look at. I told him to put one of those slammer bean bad toys in front of the cam. We were able to see their faces when they came on and it was funny, not what they expected. Then we were talking on there, of course the pervs began comming on, and then a beautiful female decided to strip for my husband. He was sitting there stark naked in front of the cam. We were about to get in the hot tub. But I was unwilling to show anything, and I could not believe he could just sit there in front of others like that. Made me very upset to see him stare at that woman so hard. (21).<P>I mentioned how wrong I felt it was to look at others on there, and I felt God was upset with me, even though in the beginning it was for a joke. My ex wants us to have sex in front of others on the cam. Yet cant stand for a man at the bowling alley or anywhere in person to look at me. But it's ok for all to stare at me naked, and watch us do things that should be kept between us. You never know, that person looking can be right next door. I just feel this is sooooooo wrong.<P>So after all this, I am feeling satan put the thought in my head that we need to be together, and that I can help save him. He toyed with my head. My ex asked me to stop praying for him also, because it has prevented him from moving on. Said he was unable to get me out of his head even when he wanted to, and was unable to have sex with anyone else. Kept him in limbo he says. Also mentioned that if we even worked thru things and he wanted me to move back home, the mortgage will not have my name on it again, so if I acted up he can throw me out.<P>So I cant be part owner, just an occupant. He has deceived me so much, by hiding his past. This is so unfair. I deserved to know all this up front so I could have had the chance to decide if I wanted to be wiwth him or not. I did tell him I will stop praying for God to bring him back to me and change his heart. I will still pray for his soul though, because I do still love him and wish he could change, and don't want him to go to Hell. He says pleasing himself is all that matters, and he will lie or say anything to get what he wants. He is one messed up individual. The devil has got a grip on him.<P>I cant deal with all this. Please tell me all of you men out there do not need all these sexual things like my ex in order to be happy. Can you really be satisfied with one?? Can you turn down the most beautiful woman in the world if she came onto you while you are happily married, or having problems. If you can turn her away, will you still imagine what it could have been like.<P>Sorry this is so long. I am again questioning my sanity.<P>Bluestar

Bluestar,<P> I think your Ex has serious problems with "himself" Like he said" If you knew about his past you wouldn't want him"<BR> This sounds to me like HE doesn't want him. He needs to know that GOD forgave him before he was born. This is why Jesus died for our sins.<P> Here's a little story I heard once that may help you explain it to him.<P> Once in a dream a woman had:<BR> She was in front of the Father and Jesus was beside her. Jesus was telling his Father what a wonderful person this woman was and about all the good she had done. The woman interrupted Jesus and said " I'm sorry Jesus but I'm not all THAT good what about...." Jesus gently put his hand on her mouth and said. "He already knows about these other things, your sins" "This is why I suffered and died for you" "It has been taken care of" Jesus then continued to tell his Father about the GOOD she had done. <P> Satan is working but not by YOU trying to save him!! This is what God wants. For you to help him. But watch YOUR soul. Satan will chip at YOUR armor. Don't lose yourself by trying to save EX.<BR> Your EX needs YOU to be a STRONG example. You need to be a VERY strong Christian. Get STRONG!! Don't cave in to his vices or he will NEVER trust that God is "real".<BR> GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS FRANK<P> <P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

Bluestar,<P>Don't stop praying. My wife is considering leaving me for OM and it is encouraging to hear the effect your prayers are having on your xspouse.<BR>I am hoping and praying for God's will to be done. The greatest effect this can have on you is that you turn your whole life and your marriage over to God. Leave it in His care. Not all men are like yours. I think he is feeling that God could not forgive him for the things he has done and that he can't change them. He is projecting those feelings onto you by acting out the very things he feels God will not forgive him for doing and having pleasure in.<BR>If you are not in church get back there. I believe we are in the end times and need all the spiritual help we can muster. Be strong in His might. I am praying for both of you. God will work all things together for good to those who love Him. Romans 8:32<BR>Love in Christ,<BR> <P><BR>------------------<BR>John<p>[This message has been edited by MusicMan (edited November 08, 1999).]

Frank is right!<P>You can't stop praying.<BR>You also have to step back from the devil and stop doing these "pervs" with your husband. My wife is in a somewhat similar position... getting involved in S&M and bondage... spurred on by OM's desires.<P>Maybe it's time to recommend treatment for sexual problems... any counseling going on?<P>No... not every man needs these things to be happy! Having a W who loves me... gives me gentle touches on the hands and back go a very long way for me... don't get me wrong though... men do have needs... but what you have describe goes well beyond "needs"... <BR>I don't think I'm out of the ordinary... bu I could turn down "the most beautiful woman in the world"... even now when I am having big problems!<P>See if you can get professional help for your H. And <B>please</B> don't give up the praying... for you and him.<P>Jim

Oh, Bluestar, the rest of these guys have said it so very well.<P>Just remember to take care of yourself, protect your strength and your beliefs and serve as a living example to your lost husband.<P>I am praying for you - and him.<P>Lori

Thank you all so much for your responses. I am heading to church here shortly, they are having a guest speaker tonite and tomorrow. I called his mom and told her a bit of what is going on. At first was not going to, but I feel they needed to know so that they knew how sick (addicted) he is. This way I can have more people praying for him rather than just me alone.<P>I did promise to quit praying for my ex's return. This was my greatest hearts desire. But know my desire aside from me needing help with my sanity is for him to realize he needs help, and for God to make him realize it and maybe give him a push. My ex grew up in church, so he knows God is real, but he wants nothing to do with Him. He knows all can be forgiven. But my ex really has no remorse for such things as being naked on the net and such. He does say he felt bad for cheating on his ex though. But admitted he wanted the excitment of it.<P>I am going to pray hard to satan to let loose of him. I am asking all of you to pray for him too. If he were to die anytime soon, and without his soul being saved, I am not sure I could live knowing that. I hate his sins with a passion, but there is some good in that man and I love when it comes out. Pls help and pray sometime tonite!<P>Thank you all again, and know even when he disgust me, I can never give up on his soul.