Glad to hear that you are doing better and are freeing yourself from his "spell". It is sad to hear and come to realize such a bad truth about the man you have loved. Regretfully you cannot love and kiss this frog into the prince he gaslighted you into thinking he was. You will feel such relief if you are truely free from him. And the leech will find another poor person to feed on...

I am so happy for you and so proud of your resolve!

I agree that he has a good manipulative sense. I'd suggest you go no contact with him, changing your contact details to prevent him harassing you.

Why not stick around too and let us support you through this change? You don't have to have a pressing question or decision to get support here.

Keep up the good work, Lady. I am praying for you.

Congratulations on a wonderful weekend!

AM

My heart hurts for all the years that I stood by him and believed that he loved me. For kicking myself all this time for everything that I didn't do or could have done to make things better between us and then to realize that he thought so little of me.

I am embarrassed, hurt, and angry. Most of all I am hurt that I trusted him so much with all my thoughts, my dreams, things that I never told anybody else about me and now I wonder how much of that is going to come back and bite me.

It's smart not to throw good time after bad. The clock resets now to day one of a whole new life. Don't waste it kicking yourself!



What are you afraid he will do?

Hang in there, red. Congrats on the new grandbaby too!

Hi Red;

Would you consider a "Plan B", (which means you have absolutely NO contact with him, and if he requires any necessary info, he communicates his questions through an intermediary or your choosing)?

You could set this up to be ready just before he arrives.

This would protect you from his manipulative ways.

And give you a calm space in which to heal.

Redheaded, congrats on the new grandbaby! My mom has a husband that has leeched off her their whole marriage, and it would be such a relief if she got herself some respite like you are. Have you talked to your kids about this, they will be a great source of support too.

My kids are very supportive, they have wanted him to leave for a very long time. They have born the brunt of his emotional and verbal abuse. He kept telling me that I had never been a man so I did not know what went through a boys mind. He said he had to be that way with the boys so they would listen. He said that is how father's treat their sons when they are teenagers so they can grow up and be responsible. And the bad part is that he made me doubt my instincts.

I have 7 children, one of them died over 20 years ago when he was 16 when he was involved in a car accident. The other 6 have all graduated from high school. The oldest is married and supporting a family. The other 5- 3 of them have graduated college, 1 will be graduating in the fall, and the youngest will be starting college in the fall. So, I think I did a pretty good job encouraging them to make a success of themselves.

I do regret the abuse that I allowed him to use on my kids, I am seeing clearer now than I have in a long time.

lady, do you really have a 42 year-old child? You must have been very young when you had him. And what do you mean in your signature "2 kids for my husband"? Have you had kids in this marriage?

You've done an amazing job with them. They sound wonderful!

I really do have a 42 year old son. I was 14 when I had him. The 2 children for my husband are his children from 2 of his 3 previous marriages.

I packed up my husbands clothes tonight and even held a couple of his shirts close to me just to smell his scent. This is a little harder than I thought it would be. Tomorrow I will pack up his den and a few more things from our bedroom.

I'd rip off the bandaid red. Pack up all his stuff, not just a little (get help - it is hard) and even see if your kids will help you redecorate or buy some 'new start' items for your home.

Just make sure he does not have the chance to talk you over.

Changing all my locks today.

Hubby called today and we had a long conversation which is what I expected since he is planning to be back by the 14th to get his stuff. He also told me he is going to pay part of the bills because he got his social security check yesterday. I totally did not expect that, I figured he would be telling me he could not pay anything because he had to get his car fixed.

He also told me that his daughter thinks he is wrong for treating me and the kids the way he has done and that she agrees with me on almost everything. She came to stay with us for a week while he was recovering from surgery and saw first hand what it was like. She kept asking me why I would put up with him.

His own DD saw him for what he is, wow. That should speak volumes.

What do you think about what his DD said?

Him "Saying" that he is going to be paying your bills with his SS check and ACTUALLY doing it are two entirely different things. Words vs. actions.

Can you file for a Separation agreement so that your State can order him to pay his legally responsible fair share of the bills AND Spousal Maintenance?

LTL

We don't have spousal support here that I know of, besides he is on disability and I don't think anybody will touch it. Plus, I started banking part of my salary when I became suspicious that he was up to something. I will be ok financially as long as I am careful with my money.

My grocery bill has already gone down substantially since he has been gone. I think my electric bill will go down too. He used to keep his game system and lights on in the den 24/7. He would also leave the exterior door open so he could have more sunlight in the winter when the furnace was running and in the summer when the AC was on.

I will be fine. I am continuing with counseling and I have started attending church again.

When his daughter was visiting, she and I got along great. I had been dreading her visit because he said that she never accepted any of his relationships. He said she still held a grudge because he had left her mother and did not want him to be happy.

His daughter told me that she had met a couple of the women he had dated prior to me and that she felt they deserved what they got from him (his treatment of them). But she didn't feel that I deserved it. At the time, I thought maybe she was trying to drive a wedge between us but the more time that I had to think about it...I believe she was sincere.

My hubby is staying with his son and his son's new girlfriend. When I spoke to hubby today he told me that he thinks that his son's girlfriend resents him being there. My thought is that she probably does, she had just moved in one week prior to my hubby's arrival.

My counselor asked me last night if there was anybody that I knew that was for our relationship or for my hubby. I sat there and thought for a minute and told her no. His son loves him and will always stand by him but I don't know if he will continue to jeopardize his relationship with his girlfriend for his dad.