IT may be such a thing, but the most common culprits of porn, masturbation, low T, affairs have to be ruled out. Men and women have completely different motivations. They are on opposite planets. Usually when a woman is not motivated it is almost always because she has fallen out love. [and it may be due to an affair] With men, the top reason is porn, affairs and sometimes even because they don't find their wife physically attractive.

Investigate whether your husband is using porn or if there is an affair IF for no other reason than your child. Someday he or she will want to know why your marriage ended, and he or she will deserve to know if daddy was unfaithful to you and, by extension, to him/her.

Most men are going to want sex on a regular basis even if he is feeling disrespected. He has a physical drive (due to testosterone) that women do not. For a young man to voluntarily go 6 months without sex is a very odd thing, and is very unlikely due to disrespect alone. Something's up.

And that's the very reason we want ataloss to put spyware on his devices so she knows really what he is doing and what's up.

Ataloss,
I really hope you heed our advice and find out what's really going on so you can make educated decisions about what your next step will be.

Concentric circles - there's a defined order of priority in which to try these things, simplest and most likely to complex and least likely. Dr. Harley definitely always asks about masturbation and other relationships and low testosterone first in such cases. In this case we've quickly discovered that he has no qualms about having sexual experiences away from his wife, which is not surprising and pretty typical, and that he has already been approached about taking medical steps to address this problem and refuses to do so. That doesn't bode well at all.

Certainly we hope that everybody who comes to Marriage Builders, man or woman, gets involved enough and educated enough to tackle all of the problems that might be in their marriage, especially love busters - but we start with the presenting issue, like Dr. Harley does, and start with the most likely solutions first and then move on if for some reason those don't work, like Dr. Harley does. In this case the big problem is that the husband isn't even on board with addressing this problem that his wife has in their marriage - he just doesn't care. Not good at all - no matter what she does to meet ENs, spend UA time, avoid LBs, it will probably have little effect on this problem (although it certainly should be done).

ataloss,

I know he was your first? Were you his?

I believe he is more then likely struggling with porn. I don't believe he is having an affair outside of the porn. I don't believe it is medical because if it was he would be willing to get medical help. What man want to be known as unable to perform without seeing a doctor about. He knows he has no problem performing and medical proof of that will make him have to deal with the reality that he is just not driven to have sex with you.

I have had a few male friends that did have sex or had very little sex before getting married, but struggled with porn during that time. When they get married to beautiful women that they find attractive they have a hard time orgasming without self mastibation. Some of does couples end up in divorce because of this and often a struggle with anger control. Other have stayed together but unhappy and a lot of Independence from both sides. The ones that have been successful and very sickly happy this the once that have been honest and open with the porn problem does couples the husband totally gives up porn with his wife full support. Sometimes the wife has to be willing to try new things with him but only after he has given up porn.

Well, she never has to try anything specific if she's not enthusiastic about trying it, although that can be suggested as a possible solution. It's all a moot point in this case, though.

I agree, mutual enthusiasm is key to avoid sacrificial sex but it's all moot here. The wife in this situation enjoys sex, so she isn't an 'I do it for him' sacrificer, and is the only one lobbying for a fun, fulfilling sex life! The problem is she has a H who is lazily getting his needs met online and thinks it's normal to chat to porn actresses.

I know I was not his first, and that really doesn't bother me much. I felt strongly about waiting until I was really committed to being someone in a serious relationship, and not everyone shares that value. Honestly, I don't feel that way anymore and wished I would have had more sexual partners because I would have known this wasn't normal and moved on to someone who was more compatible sexually.

He actively tried to have an affair with one of the women. When I confronted him, of course "I was the crazy one" and "she was just like a little sister." It infuriates me still to this day when I think about it. He had been talking to her for the first six months of our marriage. Actually, he starting talking to her three months before marrying me.

I am a young attractive woman, and I get approached by other men regularly. I've always made it clear that I was married and never even entertained the idea of flirting because I loved and respected my husband. He obviously did not feel the same way about me.

Whenever I try to be affectionate, he usually acts or annoyed. He's also severely depressed and won't get treated. He has admitted that he might lose me because he keeps pushing me away. He's also very jealous and always thinks that I'm out with other men.

Sorry for all of the typos. I'm on my phone.

Don't worry about the typos.

That changes things with my last feedback. I have found a lot of couples where both waited until they are married to have sex, and now have a great sex life. Dr. H consider porn as sex outside of marriage. I believe it always affect you future and present romantic relationships in a lot of areas but especially sex. The contrast effect if makes it hard for you to compare to his imagination.

Read this article

If you want to save your marriage you are going to have to treat it like an affair which I strongly believe is happening either in porn or real life. You are going to have to now go through the steps of verifying and exposing it before you can do anything else.

I believe his depression is situational and I believe the situation is his secret double life.

Read this article
and get Surviving An Affair

I'm so sorry to here you have to go through this but if you are willing to go through the steps will have a marriage that you could imaging. If you don't go through the steps you will just continue the pain until you can't stand each other.

Hi ataloss, I am so sorry for your pain. I was married to a porn addict, he did not want to admit he had a problem and work on the marriage, the result was divorce.
Porn addiction is similar to having an affair. These men are in a fog and are in denial. I suspect it's more than porn though, given the severity of his sex aversion and intentional starvation of you by not meeting of your most important emotional needs.. I suspect he also uses prostututes. His depression indicates that his sex addiction is quite advanced, and he needs more and more stimulation to feed his addiction to achieve his high.
Can you put a spyware on his phone and of course a keylogger on his computer, as Indiegirl and Melody advised?
I would also be very careful to have sex with him. It may be unsafe, if he uses prostitutes. Please protect yourself!

Ata, really if he was focusing on you, not spending his sexual energy elsewhere he WOULD be 'compatible'. really that's just a myth propagated by the promiscuous. If a man loves you, and has no other sexual outlet draining his interest, he will make sure he pleases you.

I wasn't a virgin when I married and I was no more prepared for the abnormalities of sexual infidelity than you are. All it did was put me in the path of other men who were porn users and who were clueless about a woman's need for fidelity and to be physically cherished. It just made the abnormal seem MORE normal to me. At least you caught your H on your own the last time, I had to come here and get hit over the head by wiser people.




These are all typical affair symptoms I'm afraid. Including the depression.



Stay true to your values! Don't follow him into this deep dark pit. An attractive woman in a damamged marriage is a target for all kinds of vultures. These men are hoping to use your misery as meat. There were a few who tried it on with me who even seemed nice. But without exception they had horrid back stories.

Snoop then make a considered decision. Please don't date before a divorce! Some things you've said are almost like you are hinting that you might. Such a decision will only attract the very worst kinds of men.

You're right. I have been thinking about having an affair, really just a physical affair. I just want to be desired and pursued again by someone and to be intimate again. I know that sounds awful.

You have coyly hinted at this several times.
You will find no support for that here.
Nor will you find sympathy from me by repeating this. Stop the wayward thinking. Yeah, it hurts to be neglected. You don't solve that by contemplating the worst mistake of your life. Stop it.

Are you going to follow the advice you have been given?

You have someone in mind, don't you. Who is it?

Read the rest here


Read the rest here.

You have no [censored] idea about the hell I've been through the past years. How dare you insult me. You don't know anything about me.

That is completely uncalled for. If you do not wish someone to point out that you should not have an affair, then quit repeating it! You have simply been advised to stop insulting yourself.

Which comment(s) did you feel were intended as an insult towards you?

I read through the posts and see straight forward advice with the goal to help you out, so if you are not looking for help to make your marriage better, then what are you seeking?

LTL