So what are you going to do?

Has your WH even offered to leave his job?

Take a sick day tomorrow, but dont lay around.
Make it an Exposure Day and expose the affair far and wide.
Start by posting your story on www.cheaterville.com and www.playerblock.com and then follow all of the exposure instructions INCLUDING WORKPLACE EXPOSURE.

There is a difference between workplace gossip among co-workers and workplace EXPOSURE to senior management!

Yes, you can do it. Courage is a choice. We were all filled with fear, but the difference between those who made it and those who didn't was the choices we made. Courage is a choice.

Conflict avoidance will only lead to more conflict. You have seen for yourself this is true. If you want to save your marriage you are going to have to get to work. Sweeping the problem under the rug will be a disaster for you that will likely lead to divorce.

But, it is your marriage to lose.

"Thinking about" taking action you know is needed is right up there with "working on" and "Trying to" = they all translate to "I am too scared".

Scared is normal, but you just have to do it anyway. While scared. While shaking, if need be.

Courage isn't something that attacks you against your will, no magic feeling of strength is going to descend.

We only feel strong and safe AFTER we have done the job necessary to keep us safe.

Those of us who have recovered had to do things we were scared to do.

Winston Churchill made a quote that I think is very significant to you and others here:

"If you're going through hell, keep going...."

If you STOP, then you remain in hell.

Exposure is just telling the truth. If it gets shocked responses thats because the truth is shocking. HIS behaviour is shocking not exposure. Exposure is making sure that those people who need to know, know the shocking truth.

It is 100pc IMPOSSIBLE for recovery while he stays at that job. Affairs are addictions and won't end until he never sees even one hair of her head ever again. So he has to leave that job or you have to let his bosses know that his actions should get him fired.

You H must accept some consequences. He must accept he has ruined his job and damaged his family heart, soul and in the pocket. Either he quits or he gets fired.

Exposure is also not something OTHER people do for you. This poor boyfriend should have been told by you, and even now he still hasn't done your job for you because that's impossible. That's impossible because exposure means YOU proudly taking the credit and showing your H you won't STAND for any lies - at all - ever again.

Though the bf has exposed her, you never have. Expose her as a heartbroken wife asking for help. With a facebook picture showing what a beuatiful family she is destroying.

Is this unfair that you have to toughen up and will have to suffer financially when you and your kids have done nothing wrong? Yes absolutely.

However it's got to be done or you will be steam rolled.

Update...I spoke to senior management today and they were surprised, but not too surprised since we are separated and not wearing rings. As for invasion into my personal life...this will affect me, as I work nearby and the gossip will go full throttle. Oh well. Big brother knows and this will be "referenced" in investigations at some point in the five year future, but it will just be a mere mention and no big deal. It happens everyday. Workplace romances...nothing to fire a civilian over...ever. It is the least of their worries.

I asked to speak to my husband in private tonight. I gave him the plan B letter I wrote a month ago. It was fitting, because it was written the day after I found information which made me believe he was involved with someone. It captured everything I am feeling at the moment.

He left in tears. The only good thing I can say about all of this is that I am very grateful that he is not leading me on. He loves me and is feeling extreme pain and guilt for the decisions he made. He does not not seem ready to commit at this point in time to making our marriage work. He is questioning why he made the decisions he made in the first place and wants to be certain he is not walking back into the same situation and same feeling which made him leave in the first place (our relationship). He also said he does not deserve my kindness and forgiveness...that he has already destroyed everything and I would never look at him the same again or trust him again.

I told him...and through the letter...that everyone makes mistakes and that our marriage is salvageable. It would take awhile, but eventually we could heal and start a plan to reconstruct our marriage.

So, I left the door open, if he decides to come back. I told him he would need to quit his current job should he make this decision, otherwise it is a no go.

Not sure where to go from here, but I'm pretty sure we will all be okay eventually. With or without each other. Hopefully. He is very ashamed that he has caused so much pain to so many people. He met with the boyfriend before I had my visit. Through mine and the boyfriends exposure, parents, friends and family on both sides know. Children know.

I guess all I can do is wait now...and continue to move on and try to be happy with my broken family. My kids were bathing tonight and one said, "I love my family!" I asked who her family was and she said, "mommy, sissy, and kitty". I was actually relieved to hear this. This is our new normal.

WOS, has he moved out all of his things? Do you know where he moved to?

And are you familiar with Plan B? It is a completely dark separation where all communication is done through an intermediary. Do you have a plan in place to avoid him contacting you at all?

Here is a really good thread about Plan B: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482787#Post2482787

Did he end his affair? Have you spoken to the OW's BF?

He moved out almost right after telling me he wanted a divorce. He was online searching right away. All of his things are gone. We have had contact nearly every day, but just as good friends, nothing deep or personal. It was rough at first because he seemed so angry at me, however, things shifted recently. He has been seeking out my friendship and conversation.

Of course that all will change now. I will have to ask my mom to step in and do child exchanges and I will have to sit on the other side of the bleachers everyday. I can't promise his will happen right away, but I can promise he is no longer my confidant and best friend. If anything, he will miss our friendship and daily contact.

Gotcha. I did not realize you were already separated. Have you made plans to make sure he CAN'T contact you? It will be your job to make sure he doesn't contact you.

What do you mean by sitting in the bleachers?

Remind me of your children's ages....

The job of an intermediary is to act as a spam filter and only pass on critical information about visitation and finances. Do you have a regular visitation schedule set up? do you have a friend who could act as an IM who could maintain a neutral front?

Where will he take the kids for his visitation?

I visited his new place once. I doubt this is the end of the affair. I know in my heart it is not. I figure if/when he is ready to talk about "us" we can delve a little deeper? He is aware of his is confusion and angry about being in a fog. He is finding his way and really struggling. He has lost 25 pounds. This is his mess he is working through.

They are elementary. Games every night. He is a really devoted father. We have a schedule and he sticks to it.

So he is not willing to end the affair? Did you give him conditions for return in your Plan B letter? The conditions should be: end your affair and commit to a recovery program.

He is not "finding his way;" he is screwing some skank while he destroys his family. Unfortunately, he is making the biggest mistake of his life.

I am concerned that you seem to romanticize his filthy, pig affair and appear to portray him as a victim. He is not a victim. He has perpetuated a crime against you and your children.

What he has done to you is as traumatic as physical assault or the death of a child. That is what he has done. This is not about "finding his way" this about cruelty to others and selfishness to an extreme.

Yeah right. The Father of the Year is committing adultery and has abandoned his family in pursuit of his filthy affair. He deserves an award!

A man who abandons his wife and children so he can have sex with some hoe is not a "devoted father." He is a selfish jerk.

Would the "father of the year" agree to stay away since you are Plan B? Seeing him every night at games will defeat the purpose of your Plan B.

Or perhaps you could rotate nights? It is not your best interest or your children's best interest for him to be skulking around when your mental health is dependent upon a dark Plan B.

I will point out that most judges severely FROWN on fathers who abandon their families in pursuit of adultery. He chose some skank over his kids and his wife. Most judges are not impressed no matter how much the affair is romanticized.

I would like to see him explain to some judge that he was just off "finding his way" when he left his family for his filthy affair. He will be laughed out of court.