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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 525
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 525 |
Yes, I was here 10 years ago. I was surprised to find all my old posts. I had completely forgot some of the details. Selective memory, I guess.
However, 10 years after that affair ended, WH is back in another one. And this one is completely insane. WH turned 50 last September and started a new job. Six months later he is sleeping with one of his 25-year-old employees. And she is a mess. She lives at home with a mentally-ill mother who doesn't let her out of her sight. Lucky for me I guess.
They could only meet two nights a week when she went to school. And now that school is over, I have a depressed WH on my hands.
I didn't post when I first learned about the EA, because I couldn't remember that Plan A is for when the WH doesn't want to end the A. I was so shocked and full of rage that I couldn't even consider Plan A.
Now it's been 2.5 months since the beginning of the PA and I'm considering Plan A.
I know we didn't do the work that we needed to do 10 years ago. Mostly because I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted and needed. I go back and forth between wanting to get out of this and seeing glimpses of WH wanting to restore our marriage.
I thought there used to be a forum dedicated to those in Plan A. It doesn't exist anymore?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Hi lbc, welcome back to Marriage Builders. Plan A should only last 3 to 4 weeks and should start with a wide spread exposure of the affair. Dr.Harley recommends that if he has not ended his affair, and agreed to certain conditions, in 3 weeks, that you separate and go into a very dark Plan B.
Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I know we didn't do the work that we needed to do 10 years ago. I guessed this. I have been here for several years and those that don't follow the MB program tend to show up with repeat affairs. Of course, when you were here in 2003, hardly anyone even knew about Marriage Builders. We can help you change that outcome this time.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Hi lbc,
Sorry you find yourself back here to deal with another affair. I read a few of your posts from long ago...another 25 yr old AP? Hmmmmmm
Regardless of what you decide to do, do not cut corners.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Your WH cheated on you before you married too?
lbc, I was married to a serial cheater. I walked away and am very glad I did. I will refrain from posting on your thread as I don't see your WH as good marriage material and there are likely more OW that you don't know about.
Sorry for your heartache.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Hi, lbc,
I am very sorry that there has been another affair. Dr. Harley has clarified his position on Plan A the last few years: for women, there is not much success to be gained from trying to Plan A a husband in an active affair, and there is a lot of emotional and even physical fallout for her being subjected to his affair so long, so Dr. Harley now recommends that women go into Plan B sooner rather than later. In fact the new version of his book Surviving an Affair recommends that the main component of your Plan A be exposing the affair far and wide, and express a willingness to meet his emotional needs IF he will end his affair and commit to following the program for recovery (that will require taking steps that make another affair impossible).
I would encourage you to get the current version of Surviving an Affair as soon as possible and read through it, and start preparing for a Plan B, and expose his affair to everyone in his life and everyone in the OW's life. You can get the ebook version of Surviving an Affair and download it to your computer or phone in just minutes. It's a pretty quick read.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4 |
Have you been tested for STD/I?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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