Ata we wouldn't be friends if we didn't try and quash that temptation in the bud. The whole reason I mentioned it is because some men make a sport out of befriending unhappily married women. Ensure you have no male friendships in such a vulnerable time. Please.

Whatever. I am sure you all will be happy to know that after talking with my husband this morning, he said that he is incapable of monogamy, and if I wanted to stay married, he will do it if I agree to an open marriage. So, my marriage is over, and you will all say that it is karma for me contemplating an affair.

How am I supposed to fix this now? Oh, that's right. It's my fault since I "want attention from men."

Are you having an affair now?

I'm sorry to hear that. This program can help you recover from this. We cannot however, help you if you choose to attack posters like that. Nobody said anything like that.

Hi ataloss2014, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. It is a huge shock to hear from your husband that he is a porn/sex addict and always have been. His sex addiction started long before he met you, (most probably in teenage years) so the fact that your marriage is over does not have anything to do with karma or your contemplating an affair. You have a child and this marriage could be fixed if he wanted to, but obviously he is in his addiction fog (whatever sex he is having outside of the marriage) and does not want to stop promiscuous lifestyle. An affair won't resolve anything, except very temporary satisfaction of animal urges and make you feeling empty an used. Please find a group such as s-anon because you need other women's support, not on the internet but the support of real people. So sorry.

I don't believe that anyone stated that you are at fault for your husbands actions.

You are just receiving the voice of concern to help you from choosing an even further destructive path.

Please consider getting divorced before one of those, "Oh So Nice" predators hits on you while you are in such a vulnerable state if you choose not to do whatever is in your power to attempt to reconcile your marriage by the methods advocated by the MB program.

Whatever choice you make, please attempt to preserve your own personal dignity and not have to look back at your past with regrets.

LTL

Have you been to the Surviving an Affair forum, the Divorcing/Divorced forum, or the Recovery forum?

Most of the people replying to you here have long threads in one or more of those forums spanning several years.

This is one of the few places on the internet where people actually DO know exactly what kind of hell you're going through.

No one is happy that you are experiencing pain. And I don't think anyone here believes in karma, rather, actions leading to consequences.

I am sorry that your husband is inflicting this pain on you. You do not deseve to be hurt in this way.

Are you on drugs?

I've been through hell myself. My husband abused and neglected me. I can tell you from experience that throwing an affair on top of an already disintegrating marriage only causes more devastation.

So, who is he?

Of course not. Quit making crap up. Dr. Harley has some great suggestions for how people in your situation can protect themselves. I am sorry this is happening to you. But I don't much like the way you addressed my wife. We would love to help you.

I would suggest you file for divorce as soon as possible, and don't date anyone for the time being.

Don't be a drama queen. Nobody here thinks it's your fault. Nobody deserves an affair. It is the worst trauma any human being can inflict on another. Even people who have personally had an affair report that it is an incredible trauma when it is done to them.

ATA

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I personally didn't believe you were planning to have an affair, just trying to share your emotional state. Although I think it is important to know that having an affair is never a good plan. I think how it was shared was disrespectful and I'm sorry you had to go through that, because I didn't get the impression that you actually wanted to have an affair. Am I wrong?

As far as the new things you have discovered about your H's wishes. Do still want to save your marriage, because if you do we may be able to help? If you don't which is understandable we may be able to help with that as well? Just know that what you are finding out about you H is just the tip.

huh? You're joking, right? Maybe you aren't reading her posts?? Here is what she said:

Thinking of having a affair doesn't mean she is planning to have an affair. If she said she wasn't think of having an affair after waiting to have sex with the one person she would spend the rest of her life with, I would say she is not being honest. It is natural to feel like having an affair after getting rejected so many times by the one person you held out for. Her sharing that is just being honest and I find that people that share that they are thinking of having an affair is just being honest in hopes that they get support. I don't think she expected us to encourage her to have an affair and I don't think she believed she deserved to have an affair although other less wise people may say she does.

If she really was planning to have an affair she wouldn't of shared her thoughts. She may of shared her actions after the fact. And she wouldn't of been here trying to get help. She was just being honest with her thought and we punished her for he honesty. What if your spouse choose to be as honest with their thoughts, would we disrespectful judge them so harshly. I hope not because then they won't feel free to share those thoughts again with us.

We should of ask more questions, not make judgements.

That is ridiculous, life4799. If someone shares that they are thinking of having an affair, I'm not going to sugar coat it. Affairs are the most traumatic thing one person can do to another.

No one beat her up over it. No one said it wasn't normal. But she was dwelling on making the worst mistake of her life and she needed to stop. We need to encourage her to build stronger boundaries, not coddle her weaknesses.

As many times as she mentioned it, and because of her strong reaction, it is obvious she already has someone in mind. I've been in her shoes. And THAT is why I will not show any empathy for those thoughts. It would be doing her no favor whatsoever.

Do you have any experience on affairs? Do you think this is what Dr. Harley would tell her?

Why would the forum enable her to have an affair?

Do you know this poster personally? If not, then how do you know what her thoughts were or what she was thinking other than what she posted?

Are you seriously trying to tell people how to post? Are you a MB MOD?

"We" should try to employ much better judgment than I have seen in this post, my friend, because what you just said is ludicrous and downright enabling. I know that I can count on this forum to not enable my spouse if he comes here and tells folks he wants to have an affair.

Prisca,

She stated her thoughts when she first posted and ask for help. Then she mentioned that she gets hit on and have not entertainer even flirting, but she only mentioned that in response to my questions and comment. And the last time she mentioned it was when she was asked about it directly. **EDIT**

I'm not condoning her angry outburst to what she considered an attack but I understand why she felt that way. I think if she had someone in mind she would of said as much, because has been honest to a fault in hopes that we could help.