Tell him now, not when your husband is around.

Just tell him it would be a good idea for you to find another job in 30 days. I will give you 30 days to leave and then I will expose it at work.

THIS is the *ONLY* thing that will save your marriage. THIS IS YOUR ONLY CHANCE. If he stays at that job, your marriage is over.

Be strong.

Be firm.

Your WH will be nasty, scary, etc as he tries to control the situation (his secret being exposed).

Everything he says, he believes BUT it doesn't mean he will always believe it.

Your firm boundaries of what is acceptable in the marriage are crucial to the direction it takes in the future.

Ride the waves as best as you can by following the MB plans.

Your child needs to be told by you (no WH around).

It will hurt but the truth is better than any scenario your six year old would come up with on their own. (I told my children and the youngest has handled it the best with my honesty about his family situation.) Kids are amazing in their ability to handle truth.

Tell your children tonight after WH goes to hotel. That way they have an opportunity to tell WH how they feel about his actions before he goes back. This may have some impact on him.

Hubby is telegraphing his vulnerabilities. Clearly he is worried about workplace exposure. I would get that done ASAP before he has an opportunity to spin the story.

I think the 30 day warning applies when the wayward is agreeing to meet other conditions for recovery. You have the affair in chaos now. I'd complete the exposure now to maximize the tsunami effect.

Do the rest of us who travel the public roads a service. Ask the PI to inform the police if he is observed driving under the influence again. The life you save is likely completely innocent. "Let the consequences of the waywards behavior fall freely upon them."

You are doing an Epic plan a and exposure!

I agree with your hubby on one point ...."Smart Girl"

SFL,

I am very proud of how you upgraded your stance and moved up the timetable of your exposure.

I too agree with the previous posters interpretation of the 30 day waiting period for exposure at his work place. I believe that Dr. Harley states that time period is for allowing the WH to ease out of that job and to transition into another job, but only if the WH is already being compliant with ending the affair and committed to a transparent lifestyle along with providing the EP's that you felt necessary to continue attempting to reconcile the marriage.

I also have heard him say that you need to carefully consider the immediate financial impact on your lifestyle and that of your children to maintain a sustainable environment.

He is VERY concerned about a work place exposure. I feel it will have a major impact on destroying his affair fantasy as long as it is factual and pleading for humanitarian assistance on the behalf of the employer.

You have his Text Messages admitting to more than one affair. Use that in your future exposures.

ALL Waywards claim the marriage was dead prior to their affairs. Don't give such statements and credence or validity.

Also, he did not pay for the extension for the lease on the apartment or vehicle as a trick on your behalf. YOU are his wife. That is his obligation. Don't let his foggy wayward babble gaslight you into thinking anything differently about you waiting until that wad completed before you exposed. How much of his current, past and future earnings went to subsidize his affair tramps. Hotels, dinners, gifts etc...

I think that you should complete the workplace exposure as your next top priority.

Also, when telling your young child about it, i told my son just like this. Your Mommy is married to me and married people are not supposed to dating and fooling around with ANY other man. That's what Mommy is doing and it's a big mistake because Daddy still loves Mommy with all his heart and will continue to try to do nice things for her, but i can not accept that she is doing something so bad and hurtful to you and me. Any guy that tries to date a married woman is complete garbage and doesn't care who is getting hurt by him trying to break up a family, especially when little kids are involved. Then i asked him how do you feel about that? I told him that he should know that he can tell his Mom exactly what he thinks about the choices she is making.

LTL

That's not how I took what Dr. H says. Perhaps there are other writings scattered around MB but I have only ever seen this:

"While I unhesitatingly recommend exposing the affair to friends, family, clergy, children and the lover's spouse, I'm not so quick to suggest exposing it to an employer. That's because such exposure could have unintended legal and economic consequences. For example, the affair might constitute grounds for a sexual harassment claim by the unfaithful spouse's lover. Or it might trigger the outright firing of the spouse, making it far more difficult for them to find another job.

So in those cases I usually advise the betrayed spouse to warn the unfaithful spouse he or she will expose the affair to the employer in a month if the unfaithful spouse is still working there, giving him or her time to make a graceful exit from the job to another. Even if a new job cannot be found in a month, I recommend waiting no longer to inform the employer, unless the unfaithful spouse has already resigned."

There's no qualifier about whether or not the WS is willing to recover the marriage.

After retreading the Harley quote you posted, I stand corrected.

I think your suggested response is quite effective. It serves the purpose by focussing WH mind upon the coming consequences.

The goal of telling the children about the affair is not to have them tell their parent off.

It is so they know what the heck is going on in their family.

Ok I know I should be ignoring the messages from OW's family but I'd love a good response to her sister.
Good luck on saving a marriage that should be built on trust. Again your husband is married and the cheater, on the other hand (OW) doesn't answer to you or a spouse. I understand your pain and hurt, that's usually when a scorned women lashes out in order to hurt other people so they feel as hurt as you. In my case I will tell you my opinion of Brianna will never change no matter what ugly news you choose to deliver. Pick yourself up and brush off the pain and move on with or without your cheating husband. Hold your head high and stop stooping to an immature level of the tattle tale. Best of luck whatever life brings you.
Sister

lol If she is so proud, then why does she call it "ugly news?"

"what is so "ugly" about the news? I am just spreading the good news. I will make sure everyone knows your sister is sleeping with a married man. You must be so proud.."

Help please. I found an invoice/receipt showing he already filed for divorce on 5/16. It says "dissolution of marriage/stipulation" and he paid $400 with a balance due of $400.
This means divorce is officially pending right?
I can't believe this.
Do I tell him I know?

Don't say anything because it may not be filed yet. That will give you time to get your own lawyer on Tuesday and file FIRST so the action will be in your town, not his. The first one to file usually has the advantage. Who is the receipt paid TO?

Westside justice documents preparation in California. He did it while he was here last Friday. Might just by documents preparation? looks like he's planning on representing himself and hasn't gotten a lawyer.

But maybe I'm wrong? He mentioned he was getting paperwork prepared to propose what he would offer me... Maybe I can call the place and find out?

Do you have an appointment with a lawyer yet?

I already met with a lawyer just to see how much I'd get, options for custody, etc.
he is gone everyone. Plan B won't be the shock it is for most because he got used to being away for 3 days a week, then 4 days, now he's staying in a hotel. Even when I exposed to my 6 year old he seemed barely phased because hardly sees his dad.....
And I also messed up by telling him about what plan b would entail awhile ago before I knew about all the Plan B steps.
He's basically saying he's going to divorce me so why ruin his career.
If this happened last year Plan B would have absolutely KILLED my WH and my son. But now, it seems like a gradual, lonely (for me) progression to it.
Already feeling like a single mom.

Needing guidance everyone. I'm breaking down. I shouldn't cry at all in front of him right?

SFl, I would make plans to meet with your lawyer on Tuesday. If you feel you can't hold it together without crying in front of him, you might just tell him you can't deal with this right now and ask him not to come over.

When you say meet with lawyer do you mean file?