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Joined: May 2014
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 1 |
Wanted to ask for input on my situation...
It's pretty simple, really: My wife of 20 years has never, and does not/will not now, put her Heart into our relationship... Will not make a personal choice, a personal commitment, to do everything she herself can do to build her marriage...
From nearly the beginning, she pointed the finger at her husband's sins, faults and failures, and promptly checked OUT. And now 20 years have gone by and there is no reason to think things are going to change any time soon...
So...
Here's my question:
Insofar as my wife maintains this "screw this marriage, I'll just find happiness on my own" Mentality, how does a Guy (me) get his OWN needs met? We all have the need for Attachment, for Connection... For Affection and Sex and Encouragement and (some degree of) Attention...
How/Where can a Guy find these things on his OWN (without doing anything immoral)? How does someone who is married-but-alone CARE for himself?
Thanks in advance for your thoughts.
GS
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
From nearly the beginning, she pointed the finger at her husband's sins, faults and failures, and promptly checked OUT. And now 20 years have gone by and there is no reason to think things are going to change any time soon... Hi GS, welcome to Marriage Builders. WE can help you turn this around, however, the above comment really stood out to me. A complaint is an opportunity for improvement in a good marriage and an irritation in a bad marriage. When she made complaints about your "faults" did you make changes? If you didn't, then I can understand why she checked out. What are her complaints about you and what did you do to correct the things that bother her?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Do you have a very integrated marriage where all time (at least 15 hours a week) is spent together?
Do you address every one of her complaints? Even the ones you don't like or agree with?
Do you avoid making decisions that do not have your wife's enthuiastic approval? Friends/activities/life choices?
If you don't offer all of the above, a woman will automatically check out. If however you've done the above, it's probably an emotional needs issue.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
You have a very good chance of turning things around and creating a romantic relationship with your wife where both of your needs are being met.
What are her complaints and what is your response?
How much time alone together do you get each week? Doing what?
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