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And since you are his most trusted advisor  he shouldn't disagree with much of your recommended course of action and proposed settlement. Please be sure to remind your IM not to delete his emails...they are priceless to you during the D process.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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And since you are his most trusted advisor he shouldn't disagree with much of your recommended course of action and proposed settlement. Please be sure to remind your IM not to delete his emails...they are priceless to you during the D process. Exactly! Yes, will do.
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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Why is your lawyer putting off getting Temporary Orders? They are only temporary and help to avoid a lot of headache and problems. Oh- sorry. Maybe I didn't realize that's what it was called. I believe the 'temporary orders' are indeed Saturday from 9am to 6:30pm and he can call 6 year old on the phone Tues & Thurs 7pm to say goodnight.
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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You are doing great!! And you can tell your father to email me directly if he has any questions or encounters any problems. I will be glad to help. Waywards can be sneaky, manipulative jerks and I have helped many IM's navigate the difficult waters. I usually only have to help them once or twice and then it is smooth sailing all the BS!!
If you want my email for your father, just do a mod notify with your email address and ask them to send it to me. I will contact you directly. Wow, thank you that would be awesome! Am off to a momsgroup Board meeting but will do tonight.
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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I was thinking about our family and wanted to see photos. You took down your Facebook page and my life vanished.
You have everything. I have nothing. Everything I love is where you are.
I am in a wasteland.   That is a gem for court and/or leverage with a settlement. You are still my best friend and most trusted advisor.
I want to support you in any way I can. I want to do more, for you and the kids...I don't want to give up on our friendship. and  x 1000000 Typical guilt trips and wanting to be your friend...after he destroyed you.  Boo hoo for him. Stay strong SFL. At least you can see just how lame this all sounds given the circumstances...and why you don't want to hear/read it. It is insulting. Ha! exactly. But my favorite, favorite is him getting to his real point which is trying to "mediate without lawyers." YEAH RIGHT!!!!!
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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Ha! exactly. But my favorite, favorite is him getting to his real point which is trying to "mediate without lawyers." YEAH RIGHT!!!!! Yep!!! 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Just wanted to recommend you take up MLs offer to 'coach' your IM. He'll probably only need one or two adjustments and then he'll be on track. My first time as an IM I was a bit scared of the bluster and wasn't sure what I should/shouldn't be telling the BS, but I had her email for the one or two times I got stuck.
Right now he's telling you everything because he's a bit unsure. You want to get to a point where you're only hearing about factual and relevant visitation messages. Has he also read the IM training thread?
I'd also encourage you to read the how to Plan B correctly thread . An email is just one of the ways he's going to try and break into your haven. Think and prepare for other ways. What would you do if he sent a handwritten letter? If he was to show at your workplace?
I've never seen a greater thirst pre-plan b for cake eating as that your WH shows (usually the WS only becomes this desperate for contact after the BS goes dark) so you can pretty much rely on the fact that the more fences you erect, the more he will get creative about contact. Your plan (every plan bers plan come to that) has to be water tight.
Don't worry about the 'support' of his enabling sister either. She doesn't care about him in the slightest and is happy to help him screw up the best thing in his life. She'll help him to rock bottom that much faster that's all. The friends allowed in Plan B castle will be far worthier types.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Just wanted to recommend you take up MLs offer to 'coach' your IM. He'll probably only need one or two adjustments and then he'll be on track. My first time as an IM I was a bit scared of the bluster and wasn't sure what I should/shouldn't be telling the BS, but I had her email for the one or two times I got stuck.
Right now he's telling you everything because he's a bit unsure. You want to get to a point where you're only hearing about factual and relevant visitation messages. Has he also read the IM training thread?
I'd also encourage you to read the how to Plan B correctly thread . An email is just one of the ways he's going to try and break into your haven. Think and prepare for other ways. What would you do if he sent a handwritten letter? If he was to show at your workplace?
I've never seen a greater thirst pre-plan b for cake eating as that your WH shows (usually the WS only becomes this desperate for contact after the BS goes dark) so you can pretty much rely on the fact that the more fences you erect, the more he will get creative about contact. Your plan (every plan bers plan come to that) has to be water tight.
Don't worry about the 'support' of his enabling sister either. She doesn't care about him in the slightest and is happy to help him screw up the best thing in his life. She'll help him to rock bottom that much faster that's all. The friends allowed in Plan B castle will be far worthier types. Hi Indiegirl- Thanks so much for checking in and for the reminder. Ok. will do.... I will go find the IM training thread- didn't realize there was one! And I will go back and get MelodyLane's email. I feel like my IM's got the point now but will reinforce it with the above. And will definitely read the how to Plan B correctly thread. You are right- I don't know what I'd do if I ran into him! I was actually thinking about that at the gym today. Even though he's out of town M-F and has the kids Saturday, leaving sunday, (and I just go to the gym M-Th) I was thinking today about what I'd do if I saw him. I feel like I've passed the crying stage and am in the disgusted and angry phase right now. Just thinking about 'running into him' made my blood boil at what he's done to me and our family. I wouldn't even want to look at him and would leave the gym immediately if that were to happen. And thanks so much for your support about his 'helpful' sister... I also have huge fears of him being truly in love with his OW and then him marrying her and having kids with her. That actually gets me so much deeper than it being a "fling." I have to shake myself out of those thoughts because it's just devastating.
Last edited by SFL; 06/12/14 01:21 AM.
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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Would love advice on further discussions with my 6 year old. He seems to be doing pretty well. I've probably mentioned this before but it feels like the thing that 'broke' us (having a long distance marriage with him working in another state M-Th) is the very thing that has made it 'easier' for us to be without him.
Prior to this job, my WH would get up every single morning with the kids and start breakfast and take our oldest to school. He would also be home every single night for bathtime and bedtime. He even remarked at that time how he could never, ever imagine not doing this every night. Well, then he took this job that had him away for 3 days, then 4 days, and even though it was so hard at first, we got used to it.
Sorry- back to my question- Son doing pretty darn great and primarily happy. Tonight before bed however, he looked sad and I asked him about it. He said, "I wish Daddy didn't choose OW. I wish he chose you and we lived together in Utah." He was a bit misty eyed and it just broke my heart. I didn't know what to say.... He also asked if it was my fault or if it was Daddy's fault or the Utah job's fault. Seeing him look at me and wondering why WH would choose another woman over me left me wondering if he was trying to figure out what was 'wrong' with mommy...
I do want to be 'truthful' but I also want to watch what gets back to WH until divorce is over...
Any insight greatly appreciated...
So thankful for my MB team.
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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The IM training link is in here. How to Plan B Correctly
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Got it last night and forwarded to IM. Thanks!
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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So I sent IM the training thread. He hasn't read it but says he will today. This morning however he didn't do a great job (though I know he's trying) and forwarded along this message to me:
"WH got a suite so baby can nap need change of clothes also Lego race car so DS can work on while baby is sleeping he gets paid Friday do u need anything. "
So I know I didn't need to hear any of this and I told IM this. He said sorry and he hasn't responded to WH.
How should IM respond to WH?
maybe just saying "I will let SFL know to pack the Lego kit and swimsuits."
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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Would love feedback on what to say to my 6yo son. Re posting question: Sorry- back to my question-
Son doing pretty darn great and primarily happy. Tonight before bed however, he looked sad and I asked him about it. He said, "I wish Daddy didn't choose OW. I wish he chose you and we lived together in Utah." He was a bit misty eyed and it just broke my heart. I didn't know what to say.... He also asked if it was my fault or if it was Daddy's fault or the Utah job's fault. Seeing him look at me and wondering why WH would choose another woman over his mommy left me wondering if he was trying to figure out what was 'wrong' with mommy...
I do want to be 'truthful' but I also want to watch what gets back to WH until divorce is over...
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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Would love feedback on what to say to my 6yo son. Re posting question: Sorry- back to my question-
Son doing pretty darn great and primarily happy. Tonight before bed however, he looked sad and I asked him about it. He said, "I wish Daddy didn't choose OW. I wish he chose you and we lived together in Utah." He was a bit misty eyed and it just broke my heart. I didn't know what to say.... He also asked if it was my fault or if it was Daddy's fault or the Utah job's fault. Seeing him look at me and wondering why WH would choose another woman over his mommy left me wondering if he was trying to figure out what was 'wrong' with mommy...
I do want to be 'truthful' but I also want to watch what gets back to WH until divorce is over... I would suggest something like, "Sweetie, married people should not be separated overnight, even for a job. That was a mistake. And when married people must be separated, like in an emergency, when it can't be helped, married people are supposed to protect their marriages by not having friends who are the opposite sex, because this is what can happen."
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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You are doing great!! And you can tell your father to email me directly if he has any questions or encounters any problems. I will be glad to help. Waywards can be sneaky, manipulative jerks and I have helped many IM's navigate the difficult waters. I usually only have to help them once or twice and then it is smooth sailing all the BS!!
If you want my email for your father, just do a mod notify with your email address and ask them to send it to me. I will contact you directly. HI MelodyLane- I clicked the "contact us" button an emailed the webmaster email address- is that the right one? Would love your feedback on this: So I sent IM the training thread. He hasn't read it but says he will today. This morning however he didn't do a great job (though I know he's trying) and forwarded along this message to me: "WH got a suite so baby can nap need change of clothes also Lego race car so DS can work on while baby is sleeping he gets paid Friday do u need anything. " So I know I didn't need to hear any of this and I told IM this. He said sorry and he hasn't responded to WH. How should IM respond to WH?maybe just saying "I will let SFL know to pack the Lego kit and change of clothes."?
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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Use the NOTIFY button at the bottom of your post to contact the Moderators to reach Melody.
The Contact Us link goes to the Webmaster or the Harley's office and they may be unfamiliar with your request.
LTL
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Ok thank you.
In case my IM doesn't contact her in time- could anyone give me coach me on the above communication between WH and IM?
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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You are doing great!! And you can tell your father to email me directly if he has any questions or encounters any problems. I will be glad to help. Waywards can be sneaky, manipulative jerks and I have helped many IM's navigate the difficult waters. I usually only have to help them once or twice and then it is smooth sailing all the BS!!
If you want my email for your father, just do a mod notify with your email address and ask them to send it to me. I will contact you directly. HI MelodyLane- I clicked the "contact us" button an emailed the webmaster email address- is that the right one? Would love your feedback on this: So I sent IM the training thread. He hasn't read it but says he will today. This morning however he didn't do a great job (though I know he's trying) and forwarded along this message to me: "WH got a suite so baby can nap need change of clothes also Lego race car so DS can work on while baby is sleeping he gets paid Friday do u need anything. " So I know I didn't need to hear any of this and I told IM this. He said sorry and he hasn't responded to WH. How should IM respond to WH?maybe just saying "I will let SFL know to pack the Lego kit and change of clothes."? The IM can just tell you to send a change of clothes and pack the lego kit. I wouldn't even respond to WH. To get my email, just click on "notify" and ask the mods to give me your email address. Be sure and include your email address!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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At some point your WH needs to purchase his own set of clothes and special toys/books for the kids and not expect you to provide any personal items to carry over.
BW 58
WH 61
married 35 years
2 adult children
2 grandchildren
"Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from dangers and perturbations of love is Hell" c.s. lewis
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Would love advice on further discussions with my 6 year old. He seems to be doing pretty well. I've probably mentioned this before but it feels like the thing that 'broke' us (having a long distance marriage with him working in another state M-Th) is the very thing that has made it 'easier' for us to be without him.
Prior to this job, my WH would get up every single morning with the kids and start breakfast and take our oldest to school. He would also be home every single night for bathtime and bedtime. He even remarked at that time how he could never, ever imagine not doing this every night. Well, then he took this job that had him away for 3 days, then 4 days, and even though it was so hard at first, we got used to it.
Sorry- back to my question- Son doing pretty darn great and primarily happy. Tonight before bed however, he looked sad and I asked him about it. He said, "I wish Daddy didn't choose OW. I wish he chose you and we lived together in Utah." He was a bit misty eyed and it just broke my heart. I didn't know what to say.... He also asked if it was my fault or if it was Daddy's fault or the Utah job's fault. Seeing him look at me and wondering why WH would choose another woman over me left me wondering if he was trying to figure out what was 'wrong' with mommy...
. What a sweet, smart little man your boy is. I'd just tell him that while the Utah job probably wasn't a good idea, it still doesn't make having an affair OK. Don't be afraid to say factually that affairs are wrong. When married people want to have affairs they should try to make their marriages happy first or get a divorce before getting someone else.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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