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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
He can send this today. My advice is to write a final letter in a way that the victimized spouse would agree to send it. It should begin with a statement of how selfish it was to cause those they loved so much pain, and while marital reconciliation cannot completely repay the offense, it's the right thing to do. A statement should be made about how much the unfaithful spouse cares about his spouse and family, and for their protection, has decided to completely end the relationship with the lover. He or she has promised never to see or communicate with the lover again in life, and asks the lover to respect that promise. Nothing should be said about how much the lover will be missed. After the letter is written, the victimized spouse should read and approve it before it is sent. [from SAA, pg 58] OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.
Sincerely, XXXXX
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I would also go to the OW's facebook page *NOW* and copy and paste all her contacts into a text doc for safekeeping.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 10 |
Thank you all for the responses. He did cut ties with her this afternoon. He said he would never throw away our family over this and while it hurts to lose a friendship regardless of the feelings he had, he won't chose that over me. They have not had any contact since the day before I found out, and I'm sure they have not taken it underground.
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 900
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 900 |
How are you sure? Because he says so?
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
I don't think they are communicating right now, based on other conversations he has had with his friends and parents.
I honestly don't think he wants to destroy our marriage, and I do think he wants to repent and fix this. I just don't think he understands the damage he did. Maybe I am way off. What spyware do you have in place?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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