I am his wife and my husband has convinced me to write here as he feels you all will be able to help me ...what he has written is just a very very small part to our situation and not everything mentioned is the way it is ...let me give u an insight first to the person I am. My negatives r that I am a very short tempered person and don't like being lied to. I prefer saying the truth always the way it is and not any other way in all aspects of life. But my husband obviously thinks otherwise. I have burnt bridges because of my straight forward ness. Bt I have never ever lied cheated or deceived anyone intentionally I met my husband when I was sixteen married him at twenty three. I had a very successful career which I gave up to be with hmm. My husband had been very loving yet we had our share of fights in the beginning stages of marriage. We had physical fights too. Inspire of seeing each other for seven years we didn't understand each other much. After six years we opened our business ie afte six months of having my daughter. He business was successful and we flourished. Our business involved one or both of us to travel and goto different shows. My husband always went to Las Vegas and NYC and la for hi international trips. On these trips I now find out he visited whores escorts prostitues. We have businesses in the caribbeana and Alaska My husband was very flirtish wth a staff from California last year when we were in Alaska. He was keen to get her to work for us in the Caribbean. I trusted my husband blindly and fully with everything. I agreed and he got her to the Caribbean in October. Even before she arrived I saw a weird kind of keen attitude he had to see her sooner than needed in the Caribbean. I pointed it out many times to my husband. This gal was very seductive in her dressing and would tend to wear low necks. Something one wears to a club. She definitely is prettier than most gals and has a good body too. Ten years younger than me. I caught my husband seeing her pics on Facebook and we argued. I had planned a vacation last year of August to India along with my family. Ie me my kids and husband. My husband has so far never initiated a vacation with all of us in thirteen years. I was to leave sooner with the kids and he would follow me after twenty one days for a frame of ten to eleven days and we were to fly back home together once the vacation ended. I left as planned with the kids. By now I had seen a lot of chemistry between my staff and husband. I made sure she and he didn't communicate at any level. But he was in touch with her via SMS on his fone. The day I left. Y husband wined and dined her that night onwards. Made love that same nite and many mites later. He would leave at two am to be with her and come back at four am. Until here my husband and I had a lousy sex life. I always felt rejected because. My husband would refuse sex many times. If I did not initiate he would not ask for it for three to four months. And I indeed stop initiating sex. But with her it was the passion and excitement. He came as planned for the vacation and within three days he decided to prepone and leave back stating it was business. He came back with gifts for her. He treated her like he had never treated me before. When came bk he wa cold rude and mean and fight me every time it spoke. I felt the distance and I knew he had something going on but had no proof. She continues used working in my business I exit the store at three pm to pick kids from school and then they would be free to do what they pleased. My husband would go out with his friends three to four times in the nights but would goto her. They did all this undermy nose. My husband knew I knew but since I did not have a proof they went on.
My husband and I do t sleep in the same room for yeast as my kids always wanted me to sleep with them. So. Y husband would not be bothered when kids woke up I decided to let this arrangement continue. During this time he would chat with her in the nights. One night I caught him SMS ing her and my husband physically beat me down deleted the SMS and said he was in touch with his father. My fathers law and mothers law are nothing short of devils and have demeaned me a lot. We'll that is another story. So here I walked out of the house that nt as he insisted it was his dad on SMS. Etc. his father lied to me too to cover this up and since had no proof I convinced my heart I was wrong and came bk. my husband called me a whore if I called her a whore. And after that nt she was sent back to California while we lived in the Caribbean. My husband begged me looked me in the eye said he loved me etc. but he still stayed in touch with her. Since my husband never has taken the initiative to plan anything with us alone I decided to revive our romance I planned a trip to Puerto Rico for a day ie just him and me. As I landed in pr I recvd a msg from my husbands keep stating she was wrongly terminated and she'd be hired bk in Alaska season in April. The store was to reopen seasonally in April end. My husband pretended to look stressed and spoke of a law suit etc. I was convinced it's working him up and I agreed to hire her back. All along I thought of him but this was a planned scheme by the two of them to fool me yet again. A day before we were to fly out I had yet another huge fight and I bugged my husbands USA fone. He has two handsets one for the Caribbean and one for the states. Until here my husband had suggested that I come a month after he leaves for Alaska as kids education is important. He even went to the school principal to convince her to let me go with him in April as my kids miss a term of school. But the way he spoke was not convincing. The principal is my friend who I spoke to on a separate level and had her convinced to let me go sooner. He was not a part to this. But when I told my husband I could fly with him to Alaska he was heartbroken. It was shown on his face. So a day before I bugged his fone. When we landed here I was unpacking at home while my husband was smooching her in the store in the office. Scheming where they could meet to [censored] again. I went to store the next day and forced my husband to stop using his Caribbean fone. I wanted to see his activity on his USA fine as I had bugged that. My husband was trying to kill time so at six I leave from work to pick the kids from my baby sitter and he could come later. As soon as I got home I checked and there were SMS frommy husband being upset that she didn't kiss him we'll enuf in the store. She was sank ing him to come bk home to kiss her and he kept saying for me that she has called I am late. When I got home we naturally had a show down and I decided to leave. He told me bat his adventures his sex positions etc. everything I thought was in the open. He insisted he never visited whores or prostitutes he insisted he had not given her anything. So I decided to leave. The next day his keep ie my staff was asked to leave too. But she stayed another one day. She left on day three and one day four I decided it fly back to my brother in the Caribbean. Just before the security check in my husband begged me to return and I hoped there were no more lies. When I got back I tried to start fresh. Within three days he lied again. I had asked him to give a pay cut to an employee who i presumed gets paid three times the salary the owner takes. Ie he is taking home three times the money. I assumed my husband was doing just that. I still decided to use the bug and recall the conversation. In that conversation my husband spoke weirdly to this staff almost sounded like to fool me By this pay cut and he wasn't genuinely giving him a payout. When I confronted my husband he denied. Next am I used my husbands fone to cross check something else bat another employees salary and commission structure. I wrote as him to this employee from his fone. A bucket of lies came out. My husband has all these years been giving five to six times the salary to staff. He has been giving commissions in thousands of dollars to staff. All this has been done by telling the staff that I don't understand business and that if I am asked they should lie to me about the salaries they have received. Or commissions they have been paid. For years the staff has been disrespectful towards me. Now I see why because when I my own husband has lied to me about money why wouldn't they. This business was as much mine as his and I am a legal partner in this business. Also our business as we speak is in a huge loss. My husband has been aware of that I have repeatedly shown him the books but my husband intentionally chose to do this. As h wanted a lifestyle where he was free. The staff expenses have driven us in a whole and he inspire of knowing has lied to me and made them lie to me for years now. I at this point walked out. He then confessed visiting whores prostitues I am sickened with his lies. This forum isn't enuf for me to express I could write pages after pages of how I feel. I feel like I have been raped and mutilated like my kids have died. This is the only man I have always loved. Not once have I lied or remotely manipulated him and I have just died with all this in my heart. My husband has never made gestures for me. He made gestures of buying his girlfriend diamonds perfumes jewelry etc. planned dinners with flowers and wined her and dined her. If I had to have flowers I had to tell my husband. Please don't get me wrong. It's not that I cannot buy myself what I want. I am capable of. But sometimes it works up heart if u know someone who loves u does this. My husband won't ever notice me but near my face drools looking at other women. He has openly to my face flirted with other women noticed them but not come home and noticed me. I am just too devastated how my life has turned out. I have made such a wrong choice in my life and am living with it. When I gave everything in this marriage I got nothing just nothing. His abuses ring in my ears. He has convinced the world I am this mad woman who gets mad over the trivial matters. But I am not like that. My employees fear me because he tells them to take these thousands of dollars under the table and not to tell me because I am crazy. He makes me look like this angry unforgiving soil yet afte all this he wants me to forgive him In so many years of marriage I feel so used now

I have my shard of faults and I am not perfect but I have loved him perfectly and truthfully. He has never lived me back I feel now. I was just a handbag like a status. Quo for an image of a nice family man. He made sexual jokes bat how he wants me in public but refuses to touch me at home for months and weeks Yet when I complain for lack of sex I got random weird reasons. I saw him watching porn repeatedly. His porn addiction was there but he wanted to see them over me

Yet now he says he cheated due to lack of excitement in this marriage. What is the guarantee he won't cheat again. He stop cause he got caught. He had been caught but without proof This time with proof so he stopped. He didn't want me yet says he cheated like he lacked that thrill

My husbands lies and manipulative ways have put us in many problems before thru lawsuits and loses but I have stood by him thru all this. I have never ever walked away which I think was the problem. I feel sickened to see how much he has lied to me thru the years and manuoilated me on the smallest level. I cannot even express it in words how I feel He made me believe like I lacked something. I feel so ugly as a person I lack my self esteem I have done everything to make him see me but somehow even when his eyes were on me his soul wasn't and that came thru in his behavior. I had repeatedly told him before all this came out in the open that I felt very very lonely in this marriage. Very alone. That he not wanting me breaks my heart. But he never understood it. Now when he looks me in the eyes and tells me things they all r lies.

His parents are extremely rude and negative people. His parents demeaned me all these years manuoilated us to give our savings to them and a lot more. His parents have insulted my parents and not only my own folks his parents have snipped relations with their own brothers and sisters His mother is a devilish woman who controls the house and I have stood with him tolerating them. Yet my husband has gone and told negative things bat me to his parents to make hi be the good guy. I don't find any love in my heart for this man. Everyone tells me if I leave my husband it will radically change my kids life. I came bk in May to try this out only for my kids sake. But. Even now when I husband sees another woman who is half way exposing her breasts he looses his mind and I feel pathetic about it. I feel like the ugliest woman on the face of this earth I have huge paunch. after the two c sections and yes I know my body is not presentable. But I have given birth to two kids his kids .....

I have begged my husband to make an effort for me to look at me like he has wanted me more than anyone else. I have never seen efforts unless it was to his benefit. If we went out alone for dinner he was too tired or too sleepy or too upset to talk. He hasn't made gestures for me never planned a trip never celebrated my birthday ever planned a date likea real date with me yet he has done this and more for himself and his keep. He has never done it for me unless I have spelled it out in words repeatedly to him like let us go out let us go for a dinner etc. I have seen him plan a vacation with her but in thirteen years he has never booked a ticket for us. I am tired of begging. Begging for his time his attention. Begging that he sees me. Now that he is telling me he wants to do all this I do t want it. My heart is exploding with pain lies deceit. So many years of my sacrifices. And I have nothing in my hands today. I have a spouse who cheated me lied to me deceived me for years. And today wants me back after he got caught.
I don't want this today. I feel trapped in this marriage I feel like now he has had his share of escapades so now wants me so I can cook his food clean his dishes do his laundry. I cannot be a watch dog looking at my back ll the time. If I turn away he is gawking at another woman.

Today my husband is saying he loves me and won't ever cheats me. But I don't want this anymore because I don't love him


Please excuse the grammatical errors and spellings. I didn't re read or do a spell check.

Each day of mine goes thinking of days and events of how I was lied and cheated on. And I can't get past it.

Gkumars Wife,

I am going to notify the moderators to start up a new topic thread, just for you personally to get help and advice.

I am so sorry for all the pain you have been through, yet most of us here know how you are feeling all too well ourselves.

We can help you. Please stick around for your own well being.

LTL

My husband during his arguments says to me that I will have to constantly have to hear it now u will constantly speak of this and how else will we move forward but I know he will lie to my face with a straight face looks in my eyes and lie to me unless I have no proof. He was caught texting her and because there was no proof he lied and many such Incidents where he has lied and since there is no proof he is a very confident liar. He takes pride in his lying skills

I did notify the moderators for you and suggested your new thread be placed in the Surviving An Affair sub-forum, so that you can get personal direct advice.

LTL

I feel exhausted and tired. For me to ask for everything for me to beg for it. Smallest of things I had to ask for and it's exhausting. In a marriage u need to know u r special and want that extra time and attention. Sometimes u want to know u r loved and noticed. U want to get that extra attention I have felt like that never existed for me. Smallest of gestures such as having our name listed together when he writes to his friends on face book wall or having my face or our faces on his profile picture has to be asked. I feel like he didn't acknowledge me If I had to post a compliment on his Facebook wall saying I loved him or a sing I never got a reaction a comment. I am not being a teenager or petty all I am saying is it's not always bat spending money to prove u love the person. Sometimes us words ur expressions mean everything. I am fed up of asking for all this and more. Truly fed up. Devastated that he understood it for the wrong person. I could just go on for the whole day but I won't. I don't even know if u folks understand my point of view.

Ltl. I apologize if I have written in the wrong spot.

I keep asking why to myself everyday. Why did he not love me back. Why did he not find me attractive enuf. Why did he cheat on me lie to me. Why did he do this to me. There r no real reasons. I know I have done everything and more as a wife. Each morning I wake up feeling a stone in my heart. I can't sleep thru the notes and dream of them all the time. I wake up and can't go back to sleep. What did I do to deserve all this.

Mrs. Gkumar, please go to the "register" link and register a new screen name for yourself. Thank you

Why can't I use this same id with my husband. I would rather do it this way

gkumar, it will be very confusing to the posters if you post under the same name. It really is very easy to obtain a unique posting name.

Hello gkumar's wife, we are very happy that you have written.

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through, and I am also SO happy that you have come here to post.

The GREAT thing is that it does not have to be like this any more. If you choose to learn a bit about the Marriage Builder's program, and if both of you will commit to working the program, it is totally possible that you can build the marriage of your dreams, and that you can both fall passionately in love with each other!

It is better if you choose your own ID so that you can have your very own thread. You can choose Mrs gkumar if you like.

As a rule here, we don't post in our spouse's thread, just because everyone has their own story and their own emotions to get out. It is much EASIER for us readers to keep things straight when we can see easily whether it is the husband or the wife posting.

You two can read each other's threads if you choose (my husband and I did), but some couples agree to each other not to read them. This thread is like your own personal place from here on out. Your husband doesn't post in your thread, and you don't post in his.

I have created a new username gkumarswife and I am waiting for it to be approved. Can my posts be moved there then

yep! Nothing to move (I think), but from here on out once the moderators approve, your posts will appear with your own username.