But he was caught watching porn on the sly for years and he fought me I even threatened to walk away yet he did. The last time he watched porn was at work after his keep kissed him. How do I make this work every time I turn away he is lying cheating watching porn. I feel I can't match up to his expectations in any field. And now if he touches me I feel worthless. He has refused to touch me so many times I feel humiliated and belittled now I can never feel content because I know he never would be Able to feel content with me. He has masturbated In the bed next to me yet not touched me. I don't understand after all this he says he loves me. I find this disgusting. Why does he have to look at other women and masturbate. I feel very very ugly for years I have expressed my discontent in our sexual life somedays I suspected he was gay. But now I feel I just wasn't what he wanted. Yet he won't let me part ways. Says he loves me. I don't think someone who loves u will do this

When I ask him he says he was diseased. That's not an answer. It's not an answer. How u just say u r diseased by infecting my life and ruining me internally killing my soul and saying just this

It's like u r used to driving. Car which gives u a speed of 200miles per hour then when a car drives fifty or seventy it's average for u. That's how I feel. Like nothing for him.

He can't watch porn if you are together or if he has no access to a computer.


Feelings are not truth. If the porn is removed and he learns to get all of his sexual satisfaction from you, this will change.


WE will help you develop love and affection in your marriage so that you feel loved and worthwhile.


We will help you fall in love with each other.

It is like smoking. It is fun to smoke and it is hard to quit smoking at first. But once you quit smoking, you are glad and you love being smoke free. That is what we will do for your marriage. We will help him quit smoking.

You will both have to change your lives dramatically if you want to save your marriage.

He is a smoker. He knows what it is. He has quit many times. Yet went back to smoking. He knows it all

MrsGKumar,

Do a search in Google for "polygraph" add in additional search terms like "alaska" etc will get you more local results and providers. Often the polygraph operators are ex-police. You might also find them in the telephone book or get a referral from a local lawyer.

Your WH will complain about how unscientific or inaccurate they are ignore him, and tell him "those with nothing to hide hide nothing and are not afraid of the truth so you are going to do this"

One approach is to make a list of questions for example.

1) do our children meet any of your OW
2) did any of your OW get pregnant
3) did you get a STD from any of the OW
...
...
100) who else knew about the affairs.
101) who helped you hide the affairs

The polygraph operator then asks your WH if he answered all of your questions truthfully.

God Bless
Gamma

I found a polygraph expert. Have left a voicemail for an appt. told him he agreed. May be he thinks he can fool the system too now.

It's unreal how confident of a liar he is. He can look u in the eye. Swear on his kids lives yet lie

What's OW

I totally hear you on this.

My previously wayward spouse always said that he was on a downward spiral and couldn't get off. UGH it totally caused me to shut up and walk away. Back then. Before we started real recovery.

I have learned now that he was giving the best answer that he could give, because he didn't know how to stop that spiral. So your husband keeps saying that he is diseased. Same thing. He so far is not able to stop the spiral (disease) himself. But the TWO OF YOU working together for the good of the marriage CAN stop it.

You can build extraordinary precautions into your Marriage so that both of you will be able to be SAFE to work to build a better marriage than you have ever had before.

OW = other woman or women

OW, means "other woman"
OWH means "other womans husband"

K

My husband besides cheating and lying looks at other women. The other day we went to get coffee. And a pretty looking young gal with a low necked blouse was serving. My husband lost track seeing her and asked me if I wanted to have coffee. We go to this same place every day have the same ritual. I as his wife know he lost his mind seeing her. After all this how to trust him with anything. I can't bear to see his reactions. What goes on in his dirty mind gets covered with his lies. It's sickening

He can stop doing that. Stop going to that restaurant. He can get out of the habit of gawking. He can stop this today. It is rude and disrespectful for him for GAWK like a pervert when he is a married man.

Melody lane. I can stop going I agree. But when I am not around how do I know h is not doing this. He has during our marriage gawked and openly flirted with ugly fat women. Not pretty but ugly women. But switched off with me. U r telling me he needs to do this I understand. But who will get into that head and make him see that. Now do u or me know if tha has indeed changed. Need that change within his heart. Not because I am watching him

The way you handle the polygraph is to get him to answer ALL of your questions BEFORE the polygraph. It is essential that you listen carefully or you will blow a major opportunity to get all the truth.

Write out a list of ALL of your questions and give it to him a few days before the test. Tell him you are giving him one last chance to come clean before the test. Let him know he MUST pass the test though. He will not know which questions will be on the test.

Write out all of your questions, such as:

write out the names, dates, places and circumstances of all women with whom you have an affair.

1. Name:
2. Dates
3. location<s>
4. where did you meet
5. Describe the circumstances of your affair: _________________
_________________
_________________
_________________

6. how did it end
7. when was the last time you had any contact whatsoever with this person?

You get the idea. Write out as many questions as you have but don't ask crazy questions like "why did you do this to your wife?'

That is not what I said. I said HE stops going there. You both stop going.


You can go with him and watch to make sure he does not do it.

Don't go to places where there are lots of temptations for him. Mark those off your list. And when he goes out, you go with him. You can hold him accountable!