After I had left my husband even said to me that he has a corner in his heart for her and that he felt she had true genuine feelings for him. I made him call his keep and tell her that he is coming to her in California for ever and has given up his business to me so he can be with her. He asked his keep to book his ticket and she refused. Said didn't have the money to book his ticket. I think that made him see that she was a gold digger but I feel he has genuine feelings for her. His keep messages him saying thathe can continue ue living a lie and paint pretty pictures of his marriage that do t exist. He had demeaned our marriage near her and told her he was living in hell. After so much how do I trust this man ever agai.

Please get Surviving An Affair and start reading it together.

I had gotten books downloaded a book on my husbands ipad kindle two months back asking him to read. He didn't. Got him a book the power of the subconscious mind. To make him show that u will become like your friends if that is what u hear and talk all day. Instead he used it to his advantage. Used it to be stronger in his lies. Will he read this book if I got it. It will probably sit in one corner of his bathroom .......

If you will not get it and read it, then I suggest you separate and prepare for a divorce. A divorce will be a rose garden compared to the hell you are headed for.

I've been in your shoes. My ExH refused to do anything about HIS massive problem with porn and other behaviors related to serial cheating. Whether your H is the same way or not, remains to be seen.

It is time for YOU to take care of you and the situation you are in!!

That means reading "Surviving an Affair" and working the checklist that was posted for you on here.

You need to know what REAL Recovery looks like. It is found on that checklist. Too many BS's do things that lead to false recovery or end up in terrible long-term, emotional shape and I don't want that to happen to you.

Don't prolong your pain. Work that checklist and take control of your life. You are worth it!

Trust me, none of this is about you. His problems likely pre-date ever meeting you. And had he been Married to someone else, instead of you, he'd be pulling the same thing.

He's got a whole lot of work to do - And so do you.

Great big virtual hugs to you!

The point is for YOU to get the book and read it and find out what YOU need to do to protect yourself against his failure. IF he reads the book that is great - you guys can follow the procedure and recover! But if he will not read the book or will not follow the plan that is in it, the book will tell YOU what you need to do to protect yourself from him and to recover.

Absolutely! Just cut your losses now if you are not going to prepare. See an attorney today and ask how to get the quickest divorce possible.

If he is not willing to put forth effort (such as reading), then trying to recover your marriage with him is a tremendous risk and danger to you. He is not worth the effort. See an attorney and file for divorce, and don't even talk to him again. Let him know that if he wants to stop the divorce, he can do so by learning and following this program, instead of claiming that he's just not the kind of person who reads such things.

YOU need to find out, though, because you need to make your plan for what YOU are going to do. You need a plan that keeps you safe if he does not put forth the tremendous effort needed for recovery.


Why are you telling me that? I already said that won't work. Tell HIM that. Tell him that if he won't give you the alone time you need, the way you need it, you are going to divorce him.

I am considering divorce and moving back to my parents in another country. So that way my kids don't have to see him and feel this roller coaster. I am trying this just approx another month. But everyday seems a drag. I think I hv made up my mind and I can't force him to love me the way I had loved him. My brain screams loud and clear that I am asking for a miracle that does not exist.

But yet again I am going to give this the fifth of July to decide what I want to do

I am ordering the book now from amazon

Done ordered it. I will read this book

He can follow this program whether he is sad or not. He will need to SHUT UP about how sad he feels and start making up to you for how sad he has made you.

Let him know that if he wants to keep you, he has a chance to make it up to you. It will involve following all these steps, including the undivided attention time (correctly followed - not falling asleep or tired or silent). He can decide to meet your emotional needs despite his feelings, or he can yammer about his feelings being bad so he's not going to do it. If he gives such excuses it will drive you nuts, so you will need to go to Dr. Harley's Plan B so you don't hear such crap. If he's not going to do it, you don't need to hear his reasons or debate them. All that matters is he's not going to do it, in which case you need to get away from him.

Great! Glad you ordered the book. Since you are giving it until July 5th, you now have a focus. And so does he.

Time for both of you to jump on board with both feet and see how it goes. This is much better than watching things spin completely out of control with no direction.

This.

Tell him this is the conditions under which you will revocver the marraige. He is either willing to follow them ALONG WITH YOU (you will also follow the conditions) or you will not try to recover the marriage. No debate, its all or nothing. You make it clear to him, if his actions aren't in agreement with the MB plan then he will get no chances and you will leave immediately.

Take control of your life and this situation and don't allow him to dictate anything. It's ultimately your chocie what you do and he has his choice. You cannot control his actions but you can control yours.

I am very confused about this. I can't make up my mind if I want this lying scumbag as my husband. He has gone to ridiculous levels to lie and I am deeply sickened and hurt. And he doesn't seem to get me even now

I would counsel that you not do anything in a rush. You lose nothing significant by waiting a month to see if his actions follow the words. Give him a chance to show that he has changed. Do not dwell on the past but carefully observe the present. That will tell you whether this is worth a try or not.

This morning he gave me some more details about his affair which I thought I knew he always aid he had come clean I guess not. More details every time we talk. He won't even look me in the eye and speak the truth but looks into my eyes and lies. I find this pathetic. At least when u r consoling me or claiming u r look me in my face and speak to me. Not look in some random direction and speak. He just doesn't get me what upsets me. Or what doesn't After soooooo many years can't even tell what works for me. His ways of consoling are just rude. Like he is demanding. He focuses on how he is feeling this and how much he regrets this on how much he wants the kids. Where am I in this. Where is me in this. I am just so sick. My head hurts my chest hurts. I feel like a pain all over me

Most of us have been where you are. Please believe me when I say you will feel better in a year whether you save your marriage or not. Be still and be calm now. Listen to your inner voice. Observe everything. The answer will come to you.