During one of our arguments I told him like he slept around with so many escorts and whores me sleeping around would give me peace. Knowing that he knows now I will have another man in my bed will give me peace. He has asked me to leave. Says won't allow that and asked me to leave. So I will be leaving. He has no desire to work this out and acts aggregated. Not kind but very rude. His selfishness has consumed my life I feel like I am dead within. Like I don't have any will to live.

I like writing on this forum because u don't know me and being faceless is helping me. Not being judged later. I wish I could just go to sleep for a long time may be months on end And then I know he can't hurt me again. And I don't have to be with those feelings or any feelings for this matter because then I can't think or have these thoughts. My kids are two beautiful angels. They don't know anything about this. Juts my daughter knows that my husband has someone else. She has seen him pinning me down when I had his phone. I wish he had understood anything. Wish he had shown me this phase sooner so we would not hv kids. I lost a set of twins before my two kids. May be god was stopping me from having kids. Telling me not to have them because of this. Yet I wanted kids. He spoke of having a third kid with me. Always. Even when he had her. He wanted me to get pregnant. I wish this was a bad dream

He probably wants to save this because of a fear of change. He fears change always. He told me he had sex with her because it had fizzled out with me.

Please never consider taking another man to your bed to whom you are not married. This will not give you peace nor will it make you feel any better about yourself.

Believe me, when I first discovered my H's affair, that's what I wanted, too. I wanted a man who would LOVE me! But, thinking logically, I knew I wanted a man who actually truly LOVED me, not just someone in my bed. That would have made me feel like trash, not someone's beloved. Also, I knew I didn't want a man who would sleep with a married woman anyway. And, when you stop and consider it logically, neither do you!

You would serve your children best by telling them what's going on. They already know something is going on. Your marriage affects them both, and if they don't know, they will make up something. They don't need to know all the gory gross details, but they ought to know that their father has had other women in his life and that married people should never do that.

Please consider going to your doctor and getting on ADs. Please...you will be helped a great deal by the evening out of your emotions in the short-term.

Yes, it will take a while for each of you to learn what really works to make each other truly feel loved.

I agree that it is shocking when you realize that after so many years, your spouse doesn't KNOW what to do. All of that realization is tough to take, we remember.

If you decide to work the program, you will eventually learn to meet each other's needs in the way that you both like them to be met. Dr. Harley guarantees it!

Oh my, we do know how awful it feels. I am so sorry for the pain that you are going through. Dr. Harley has said that the pain inflicted by an affair is more painful than losing a child, and more painful than being gang raped.

Someone back on my own D-Day told me that the pain is a physical reaction to emotional trauma. Maybe. But in any case, once I found marriage builders, people told me over and over that it is best to not ever make emotional decisions.

They were RIGHT. Acting on emotions is never going to get us what we desire. Acting logically, with a plan (like Marriage Builders!) is a much better bet.

GOOD for your husband that he says he won't allow that! The idea here is to BUILD your marriage (if you both choose to stay and work your butts off), not to demolish it. Your husband was giving you TRUE information. Did he really though, ask you then to leave?

We get it. The pain is SO bad that you start to think of anything�.anything�to take it away.

But you do know that this won't help, right? It WON'T HELP because the only thing worse (to me) than our spouse's demeaning us�is if we purposely demean ourselves.

By threatening your husband that you would do the same, I get that you were trying to force him to feel your pain�.to have empathy for you for what you are going through. But it never works when we try to educate our spouses, sorry to say.

If he starts to work this program, he WILL gain empathy for you. And if you two work hard and learn to stop beating each other up, then you WILL learn to meet each other's emotional needs.

When you ordered Surviving an Affair, did you order a physical book or a download? If you didn't order a download, I would suggest that you do that now, and that you two start reading.

You know two wrongs don't make a right, correct?

You aren't going to have an affair, correct?

Today he gave me a different scenario to how his affair began. Last time was different from this times. New details today. I don't know what else he is hiding about her. He knows a lot of her personal details. That he had seen her all drunk with two men. Says she is a nymphomaniac and he found it so easy. Tht it had fizzled out with me. That's why he went for her. He kept at it even when I walked out on him. He told her all along he had loved her. He knew she was a gold digger a nymph sleeping left right and center with men for a free drink yet he went for her over me. Makes me feel like the ugliest trash. He knew he knew what she is yet he gave up me and the kids for her. Preponed his vacation. Spent eight hundred to just prepone for three days with her. I just feel sick. Yes I want to sleep with anyone now in my bed but him. Because I need him to see what it feels to have someone who is so used. My husband says she is American. We are Indians. Are all American women like that. No. It's not true. I know of people who r like me. Who haven't cheated. He says it like it's the nationality is all like that. That all women from California screw around. No they don't. Is there any law where in I can expose his keep in her current job. I am the director of this company. Can I expose her character to her new job ? Today after I brought up the escort subject ie let me bring someone home in ur bed. He said no and said its best if I leave. So I might as well leave. I am tired of his half hearted attempts. He wants me to switch off and on like a bulb. If he spoke now I should feel better the next second and be normal and happy there on.

He probably also wants this do e and over with but wants to have that right to say that he tried so he says he is trying yet he isn't All he is saying that he won't do it. Yet I have no guarantee if he will. I have asked for a post nuptial agreement. Says he never felt bad or thought of me while going to escorts. It's sickening.

I don't even know what have I done to get this. I did not wrong him in anyway. So why did he do this to me He makes me feel like I am ugly. The ugliest person

He asked me to stop this mockery. What is the mockery in this. What have I done to make this a mockery. No one gets it.

He tells me now curse me curse me. Like he is mocking me.

He wants me to get all upset and mad and then curse him. He wants that so he has so etching to throw on me.

He has a new addition to his Story. I do t even know what else is hiding in there.

He added this was my first affair and got caught. Almost like he had a regret.

But I doubt this was his first.

You don't want to give him a polygraph?

Are you going to see your doctor about getting on ADs?

If you don't want to recover your marriage, you have our full support.

If you DO want to recover your marriage, you have to stop the anger. Set up a polygraph test so you can get the truth.

(Of course, all American women don't sleep around, no matter where they live. Many women of all nationalities are creeps and many are not. The nationality doesn't change that.)

I know that all women are not like that. I know that it's my husband who sat like a hyena planned every move and attacked. If he wasn't that way he would not goto escorts prostitures during our marraige. Not be masturbating right next to me in the bed while I was there for him and yet refuse to touch me. I wanted to have him touch me yet he says it had fizzled out needed the new excitement. Don't I get bored then. He wasn't even trying anything for me. He never did. But I did not know any better. How do I stop with these thoughts. I would love to. No I don't hv anti depressants yet. I will get them. I need them. I can't stop crying. I am just tired of my own thoughts. I keep imagining scene by scene of how he touched her how he moved with her everything and it just doesn't stop. He has never shown me those gestures he showed her. Never gotten dressed and planned a date for me and given me flowers. Or preponed one of his trips and gotten back home sooner. Never waken up at two am to have sex with me none of that , that he has had with her. What is the guarantee that he won't do this. He is already so bored and not excited of being with me in just thirteen years. Marriages last fifty sixty years. Nouns hasn't even started and yet it all finished. Because he was tired in less than ten years of being married to me. I am just too annoyed with myself to have believed that people r faithful. I was so stupid.

He told me they flirted when I wasn't there. Flirting is two ways. If he had stopped and not acted like a unfaithful dog lapping attention from a two dollar whore we would not be here. I would be happy. We could have had a life. He took her out for dinner two nights after I left. Gave her diamond studs even before getting into her bed. And then he says it was just for fun. Has sold my jewelry never to replace it yet he thought of diamond studs for her. Within two days of me leaving.