This post was the 1st reply to you from Melody Lane.

In it, she discussed ways things you need to do to Affair Proof your marriage.

LTL

In this post made on the 1st page of your thread, Brain Hurts posted information and a Link to JUST COMPENSATION.

Click on the link and read through that thread, which discusses why you can not just white wash your past and Just Forgive And Forget.

ALSO???

Have you completed the Action Step of Actually downloading SAA, (Surviving An Affair), yet?

You were provided directions on how to download a Kindle App to your PC or iPhone.

Have you actually done that yet?

If so, how far have you read through it so far?

ACTIONS mean something.

Words and Saying You Are Going To Do Something do not.

LTL

Extraordinary Precautions

Read here Extraordinary Precautions

What about writing Dr. Harley?


Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.

yes I had read the eps and had responded.I have been focusing on them and will do more.My wife just messaged me that the saa is already downloaded on the ipad .I will be going hom and starting it tonight.I thank u guys for what u have done.There will never be a chance for plan b.

All of the EPS has been implemented strongly.
except

account for time has not bee started yet as things have ben rough
spending leisure time happens some days and some have been rough.
there will never be overnight separation
what is technical accountability?

Technical accountability is allowing complete access and transparency to your wife with all your devices/contact, i.e cell phone, computer, email, bank accounts all social media. Anything and everything that you use.

Why didn't YOU already have SAA downloaded?

Do you expect that these tasks are your Wife's responsibility?

By YOU NOT doing the Action of following through and figuring out how to download it yourself, it does not seem that you are taking this very seriously and would rather defer the task until someone else takes the initiative.

You SAY this is the most important thing to you, yet your ACTIONS, or lack of them seem to state otherwise.

When will YOU let your ACTIONS speak louder than your words?

LTL

You need to make sure you don't argue or fight with your wife. It's going to make the situation even worse than it is right now. If she starts to argue or fight, gently apologize for what you have brought into her life and tell her that you are unwilling to fight or argue with her and that you should both take a break and return later in a calm state.

Please take your wife to her doctor today and get her a prescription for ADs.

Make sure that you offer your wife full access to the bank and business records, so everything is made very transparent to her.

Account for time is THE most important thing that you must be doing right now to help your wife to feel safe. Include her in every single part of your life.

What can you think of to DO today, so that she will always know exactly where you are?

I truly feel that the two of you should never be alone again. But I guess that we will see what Dr. Harley says about that.

Yes technical accountability. Others have explained. LongWayFromHome just made an excellent post about what you need to do. In addition, you need to give your wife passwords to everything�bank accounts, email, cell phone, computers, etc. AND you need to encourage her to feel comfortable in checking up on you.

Please know that I am not fighting or arguing with her,yesterday she messages she will give it some thought and try for few day's.I got home with a bottle of wine with some flowers.she asked my daughter to pluck the flowers from the bouquet,literally trying to tell me she doesn't care,which is fine.i don't expect and deserve any better.then we started reading saa and after a while after the kids were tucked in bed.she asked if I was stealing money.on which I said no and I never stole money.she got angry and pointed out that over paying the staff without her knowledge was stealing ,and the voice got louder.on that I asked her to keep the tone down as the kids are in the other room.it just wouldn't stop.
She said from here on we go to work and come back together,I said done. I did tell her that she is having an angry outburst and she had said she will try.she still went on with some bad words and I wanted to walk away.on which she got more furious and said that's what u do,u said u will take the blows but u now want to walk away.i picked up the iPad to go to my room and she told me to book her tickets again with abusive language.

I don't think this will work till the anger has subsided .
This morning we went to the doc and got the ads,I hope she feels better.

I love my wife,beyond doubt I have torn her apart.but now it's a roller coaster ride.which is hard to handle as we have a struggling business too. I have asked her to come back to work as then things will get more transparent for her.

I totally agree the accounting of everything is essential.thats possible if she wants to volunteer.right now she is still feeling low.
She has the passwords to everything,she has access to my emails our bank accounts and everything there is to know.
She knows I am in the store all day.
She was nice enough to give it a try.still has some anger but now seems under control.comes up with random questions from the past.when answered tells me I am still lying.
I have asked her to prepare the questionnaire and I will write all the answrs

but you are�

Please stop asking her to curse you. It bothers her when you say that.

That is a Selfish Demand, a love buster, and you are taking coins OUT of your wife's love bank for you when you say that.

Sir, her love bank is most likely already in the NEGATIVE. Can you afford to take any more away?

This was VERY thoughtful of you! I am sorry that she wasted the flowers, but rest assured, your kindness did get noticed (and deposited into her love bank).

I don't know if I should say this on here, but my husband brought me flowers home for almost four weeks STRAIGHT before I ever even acknowledged them. He would bring them home, and he would have to put them into the vase, and then he would have to throw them out when they died. But I DID notice, believe me.

GREAT! Will you read again tonight? Do you think that it would help to read it out loud to each other? If not, no worry, some couples prefer to read and digest on their own.

You BOTH are causing miserable times for each other by selfish demands, and then disrespectful judgments, and then angry outbursts.

Most of us were in the same boat when we got here to Marriage Builders. BUT the love busters HAVE to be eliminated totally before the two of you will be able to help each other through this enough to feel the slightest bit better. You see, even though you did a wonderful thing by bringing your wife those flowers, THEN later you love busted her�so her love bank balance went up a tiny bit�and then it went down a LOT.

You must stop doing ANYthing that bothers your wife!

This is FANTASTIC news! Lots of opportunities for love bank deposits! You can speak with her on the way, and then discuss and make PLANS together for the day.

gkumar, when your wife feels particularly hopeless, she is reverting to the "get out of here" mode. It seems to me that she is getting to that point when the LOVEBUSTERS have started. You can HELP her when you see her beginning to feel hopeless. You can be extremely careful with your words, and most importantly show her love with your ACTIONS.

GREAT JOB TAKING YOUR WIFE TO THE DOCTOR's for the meds!

thanks for ur help.
since yeaterday things have been getting better.she and i have been doing a lot of talking and trying to get to know eachother all over again.referring to the saa a lot as we both are reading it.
she has not had any angry outbursts and has been very respectful towards me,i dont think i deserve it but i truly appreciate her being this way.
i hope this stays as i dont want to lose my family.

Did you listen to the clips in the Just Compensation?

Did you write Dr. Harley?

That update was great to read!

How did last evening and today go?

If you two will follow SAA to the *letter* with no deviation, then you definitely have a great chance at recovery.

Does your wife now know where you are at ALL times? Is she still planning to go in to work with you every day?

Did you read that link that BrainHurts posted for you regarding Just Compensation?

Please let us know what your EPs are.

it has been great,she and i are working towards our love bank .
yes she has decided to come with to work .
she has been on the ads and sometimes complains nauseousness.
she has been sleeping well too.She gets sad on and off but i can see she copes up with it .
she knows where i am all day.i am giving her full transaparency.I am sick of the secret life and i dont want to make any of those heinious mistakes again

As your marriage improves and the present becomes WAAAAYYY better than the past, your wife's resentment will fade. It takes a lot of changes in marital habits and lifestyle, but the results are so worth it.

Continue to be unfailingly kind and gentle with your wife. She has been devastated and you can help her greatly in helping her to heal.

Also, make sure that you and your wife eliminate every single condition that led to your dishonesty and affairs, so that any further behavior of this sort is virtually impossible.

Glad to hear that things are going better.

Have you listened to the radio clips in the Just Compensation link I posted to you?

This has been asked of you at least 3 times.