I was going to see my mom this weekend. You'd leave it alone? You wouldn't worry about this kid coming back as a grown up, and tell you he was beaten miserably his whole life, and wished someone had come to look for him?

L told me the same thing, that his attorney told him to just wait until his son came and looked for him as a grownup. But his kid was not okay, even with the grandparents that child services sent him to.

No, I meant I wouldn't pursue contacting the OW and pursue it that way. I would follow Dr. Harley's advice.

But, yes I would tell your BIL what you've come across.

This is back in my old neighborhood, the one my Dad was murdered in, the one where I left teaching because it was just too rough. I moved my kids out because it's no place to raise children. My brother wanted to move his new wife and son there and she flat-out refused because she was almost assaulted by a stranger when she lived there with her family, and fortunately a neighbor came by and ran the man off before it got worse.

This is not the midwest where a single mother gets a lot of support from other moms and kids can all play outside and maybe she'll find a nice man to be a good father to this boy and her 3 other kids. I know I'm sounding judgmental again and I'm sorry I just don't know how to convey this to you.

Ah yes, that I do agree with, to put it in my brother's hands, see what he can do without making a big disruption.

I do understand your concern and want to reach out a hand. If you ever fear for the child's safety you can always report it.

I definitely think this is your brother's to take care of.

Brain wow i didn't realize I had all that inside me! I feel a lot better, I'll share this all with my mom and brother and trust my brother's judgment. No wonder I was feeling like a wreck bottling that all up!

I definitely could tell it that it was bothering you.

Please keep us updated.

I am so grateful that I got to get all that off my chest before I started talking to my brother. My brother asked me to come babysit his younger son Sunday, so I got the chance to to with him and my mom about the photos I had found. I told them what Dr. H had said as well. My brother was so happy to see the pictures of this older son. It looks like he is going to continue to stay out of the picture. My brother asked me to send the mother a friend request, and I had, but she didn't respond. That's okay, I'll keep it in perspective.

Useless, may as well bang your head against a wall vs. reporting it.
Some neighborhoods have been completely taken over and are now run by welfare and drug bums.
This sounds like one of those neighborhoods.

In some areas, even the police and social services don't come out unless they are in a large group.

Agreed Jedi but as useless as it is if I did become aware of something specific I would report it, start laying a paper trail. You can get the help you need if you get to the folks that can help you. I am of course hoping it doesn't come to that.

So your brother is going to stay out of the picture, but he is okay if you connect with your nephew? But it seems like the OW isn't responding, correct?

What did your mom say?

It sounded like that, that he was okay with me reaching out, but was going to stay stepped back himself, and to keep him posted.

My mom said she had been thinking about it and was going to ask him about getting in touch with the OW, too. She thought like I had been, that if the OW is on her own with the 4 kids that it would be good for her to know we are available to help on the sidelines. My mom just retired this last year, but had a knee surgery and then a heart attack. But she is recovering well now and has just started to babysit her other grandbabies these last few weeks. I think that's what got us thinking about this one.

I've gotten back into the online dating thing again, and doing a lot better not rushing into anything this time. Just talking with a couple of nice guys and planning to meet one next Saturday. I have to listen to that Radio Clip on dating that you posted because I feel like I don't know what to say and stuff lol. Like I haven't even met the one guy yet but I already feel ready to stop talking to the others ones and I know that's how I got into messes before and want to set myself up for success this time.

It sounds like you need try and be a freeloader while dating. It's definitely different from being a buyer in your marriage or even a renter in your engagement. But being a freeloader will definitely help you get that contrast effect from dating different men.

What are some of the things you've learned after your last relationship?

Well in my marriage I had worked really hard to create compatibility when there were some big struggles we had. So in my last relationship it felt so much easier to get on the same page and brainstorm solutions we both liked. I guess because we were both in that new relationship State of Intimacy, wanting to find solutions the other one would like. That's something I would bring moving forward, too, that willingness to keep an open mind and keep trying solutions.

I learned about some negatives, though, too, that I will do differently going forward. I got myself very invested very quickly, both with my ex-husband and my ex fianc�. When L proposed, I knew I wasn't ready, but figured I would be ready in plenty of in time before the wedding. I learned that's not how it works, doubts based on facts will grow, not get smaller. I thought it was okay that he moved in, because we were engaged, but actually then it made me a lot more invested in making it work as my doubts grew instead of stepping back right away. February 2013 I already had the reservations that in the end were confirmed, but instead of breaking it off, I asked him to move out, but stayed engaged. And then agreed to let him move back in over the summer. I can see that with my habit of getting too invested already to work against, that moving in thing is just not an option for me any more.

Also I hadn't fully resolved my feelings for my ex husband before L and I got serious. We were having way too much contact for that situation. I am enjoying the co-parenting thing with my ex now, but I know I would need to move back to more of a parallel planting plan before getting serious with anyone new.

And I learned never under any circumstance to cosign! L is paying the car payment but it's a bad situation to be on his loan and I'll be glad when it's paid off next year. I'm hoping he can get a better job so he can refinance in his name.

Wow okay Brain that radio clip you posted about single moms dating kinda blew my mind. You know when you hear something it either rings as true, false, or I need more information? Well that clip was 100% true for me. I had been fully ready to settle for someone that I would not have if I were single and not trying to compensate for asking someone to take an active role in my kids' lives. I had kept thinking even though my xh had issues, it stinks only having the kids half the time, and maybe I could make it work with him again.

I dunno, I don't think I'm going to cancel with this guy before even meeting him, but it gives me a lot to chew on.

Happy Passover and Happy Easter

Dr. Harley has a way of doing that doesn't he? I will be pondering something and I will find a clip or show that he has discussed this and I'm like "wow that's what I was trying to get at".

He has done alot of shows on dating and blended families and has made alot of things clear.

I'm glad you were able to get something from it.

Happy Easter!!!

My OD graduated from High School last week, I'm so proud of her! At the end of next week we'll be driving her 7 hours for the student and parent orientation. In the past, these family kinds of activities have left me with a pit of regret for what my ex and I lost. Any suggestions on keeping my head on straight for this?

How exciting!!

Congratulations, OD!! WTG!

Is it going to be only you & OD going? NED, could you try to make it a memorable girly, mother-daughter bonding experience? I mean by both getting manicure/pedicures, perhaps shopping together for a new outfit, planning a special lunch/dinner?

Thanks so much Nerly! It's going to be xh, OD, YD, and me. Even last week, spending time together with xh for the graduation and party after got my head in a bad place for a day. I don't know if I would be able to plan some mother-daughter time during the trip itself, because the students will be off for student orientation, and xh, YD and I would be going to the parent orientation. But I can plan a special just-us experience before we go, thanks!

Ohhh,, OK,, gotcha now. I thought you meant just you & the girls would be going and not xh.

I can see where it'll be alittle different & stressful for you. I guess all you can do is focus strictly on your daughter, what will be ebst for her & her future. Try your best not to let your mind wander back to the past & what might have been.