I have realized, in the last few weeks of talking with my W since our last couseling session, that there is no way in hell she is going to admit to her affair. This in the face of me having solid evidence of it and telling her about this evidence. The only way I will ever really be able to confront her with it is to catch her and the OM together in a compromising situation. I am actually going to try and do this. Don't know if I'll succeed, but will keep trying because I do still love her so, despite her affair. I feel like a knight rescuing a maiden from the dragon (the OM) holding her prisoner. I seem to have to drink (responsibly), evenings, to do this, because I am so screwed up inside. The dragon is melting my armor down with the blast furnace of his mouth! (Just count this as another crazy Wex post!) Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

My W never really admitted the affair that caused us to split up, now 10mos latter she tells me everything. knowing I am trying to work our marraige out.<BR>ps did you read my post for the night?<BR>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR><p>[This message has been edited by brownphd (edited November 08, 1999).]

Wex -- I always thought the F in SNAFU stood for something else <P>I'm very sorry that you are forced to take this action in order to get things moving in the right direction. Just be careful Wex. You might "walk in" on more than you wanted. I know that you already have the proof, but actually cathcing them together could be even more devastating.<P>I will be praying for you.<P>God Bless

ES - Yes, the "F" in SNAFU is not really for "fouled." (I think all those of us who are children of the WWII generation know what it actually DOES stand for. But in the stuff I read growing up, SNAFU was always rendered this way, because the media, like the betrayers they are, couldn't actually print what the "F" really stood for -- and neither can this forum, 40-50 years later! I almost did what we in the computer industry call a "workaround" for this censorship, but then decided against it, mainly because I want to continue to post here!<P>brownphd - Will read your post for tonight when I get into work tomorrow. (After 1 AM now. Got to get to bed, W is stompoing around overhead!) Sounds like an extremely relevant story very similar to what I expect mine to be when everything works out (or not).<P>R & B,<P>--Wex

Wex -- I'm not really old enough to be considered part of the WWII generation, but I was a military brat, have worked in the security field, the medical field, and now the computer field. So yes, I know all to well what SNAFU really means.<P>I'm glad you decided to censor yourself a little. You would be missed here otherwise. Take care.<P>God Bless

Wex, my h. maintained that nothing was going on after I found receipts for condom purchases (I had my tubes tied), phone calls charged to my cell phone from a cheap hotel to her car phone at noon on a weekday, and a torn top of condom wrapper in his car...<P>He later said that the deceit is so much a part of the affair because the betrayer is lying to themself as well. Several times I asked him flat out "Are you having an affair with OW?" <P>His answer the last time I asked was very telling "If you want us to stay together, you will stop digging. If you want us to separate, keep accusing me and questioning me". He wanted to make it my fault if we split...that my mistrust caused it. It is all about their not being able to look at themselves in an undistorted mirror. <P>Time will bring things out...don't dig if you don't want to see, but press on if you are ready.<P>Sisterly hugs,<P>Pearl/Liz Smith<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Dig but dig sober.<P>What's the difference between a person finding OP to help them where there marriage is failing and someone finding solice in a drink?<P>Wex, you can do it without drinking. There is no such thing as responsible drinking.<P>And before all blast my point, the Bible teaches us not to be drunkards, correct? If it takes a person 5 drinks to be drunk, then after one are you not 1/5 drunk (20%)? Think about it.<P>Good luck Wex.<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Hang in there, Wex. Something's got to happen soon. But DO try to take care of yourself for us, ok?<P>Lori

Thanks everyone for your concern and comments. I was just venting a little, I guesss. I'll live. I do plan to stop the drinking at some point when W's and my situation stabilizes. Right now, we're still in not-sure-if-we're-going-to-stay-together mode and it's really got me off balance. I believed in teetotalling for a long time (years and years before I met W) but don't any more. And hey, even Jesus had a glass or two now and then. Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

Hey< Wes, I am all for a glass of wine ever so often. But it doesn't really help. It is a depressent. It may help while you are drink but it makes matter worse when you stop. The only way it helps is you don't remember. BUt Everything comes back later and twice as much. You don't need that. And if you are on anti-dep. well that is just too scary. If you ar not check about getting some it would help a lot more then drinking would. You need to take care of your self. You are too good of a guy to blow it by drinking. And that may also be part of the problem. Show her how strong you are that you don't need alcohol to survive. {{{HUGS}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Wex - as you know your wife is rather stubborn when it comes to admitting her affair. Just thought I'd share with you that my H also denied, made me feel guilty and insecure for asking, denied again. Then out of the blue he disclosed it and said, if you can believe this: "Heck, I didn't even KNOW I was having an affair!" (not sure what he calls it when you spend all your free time with the op and even go to a hotel room together) I am not going to chastise you for the drinking; heavens knows my wine consumption has increased dramatically this past year - I do know though that the more I've had the faster communications with H go from somewhat sane to out of control.<BR>Take care.<BR> Simone

Geez, Wex. I leave this forum for a few days, and when I come back, there you are again! <P>I don't have to remind you of how our situations are very similar, as far as the disclosure parts go. When you think about it, your wife has denied her affair, from the get go. We must be a very naive species, if we expect total honesty from them, just because we show them what we feel to be an incriminating piece of "evidence."<P>Her entire affair has been been based on lies and deceit (aren't they all?) so why would you expect anything different from her now? If you have read other postings, which I know you have, you must realize that even the betrayers that have "come clean" with their mates have only disclosed as much information as they feel they needed to give. Nothing more!<P>Speaking from experience, when I first let my H know of my suspicions, he became very careful of what he was doing. It was only when I stopped questioning him about his activities, that he started getting "sloppy" again. By bringing up your wife in the OW man's car, you are beating a dead horse. She has denied it, and as far as she is concerned, end of story! <P>Just sit back quietly, and wait for her to slip up. It's amazing how much information they are willing to give, when you don't ask for it. Over the past couple of months, my H has given me more details (unknowingly, of course) than he has in the last year and a half. Keep us posted, and as always, good luck.<P>------------------<BR><BR>SUCCESS STORY<P>