I told my husband about the anger management 101 radio segments I listened to. He surprised me. He said he understood what Dr. Harley was saying about my choosing to react in anger being my fault and not his, but he said it was kind of hard to wrap his brain around.

I asked how he would feel about Pisca's suggestion that I drive when we go somewhere so if I start to feel frustrated, I can pull over and get out of the vehicle to relax and get my adrenaline levels back down. He said he didn't have a problem with it, but he sounded hesitant, like he wasn't sure if he liked the idea. I asked him if he was sure he wouldn't mind. He said he was fine with it as long as I was ok to drive. He still sounded hesitant, so I asked him how he felt about playing that by ear. If I get good at keeping my anger in check, by practicing getting my adrenaline levels down when I get frustrated and he gets good at not pushing me, then it may be a nonissue. He said that sounded good and sounded relieved.

This is an awesome idea. I handled that forced conversations/arguing/LBing in the car by refusing to get in a car with my ex for a year. It worked, but your solution sounds so much less escalating!

Yes, you do.
Your marriage is not going to get better by sacrificing.

Hi Tama, how about an update?

Tamak,
I read through your thread and am struck by how much time you two spend with others when you are physically together leaving your UA time while your husband is home increasingly random. In contrast your phone is actually is more focused and you seem to build up your bank more while he'd gone. What about planning defined UA time and dates alone w/out family memebrs and friends?