So my husband not only confessed to infidelity but he also admitted to drug abuse (which he had a past and I started to pick up that he started up again). My husband admitted that he slept with my best friend before we got married (he said it was the drug and the fact that "my friend" knew what he wasn't getting at home and manipulated him). He said he was only a few times. I honestly believe that after looking back. I have not talked to this so called best friend of mine since Feb, but it was for other reasons. As I stated I literally just found the infidelity thing out 2 nights ago. I have been going through all kinds of emotions and trying to figure things out. My husband and I do not speak to the other woman haven't for a long time and we are going to start counseling in a week (we planned to go to counseling before the infidelity came into play). I do not know how I am suppose to feel, think, or be right now and I just want to know? How do you deal with betrayal of not just one person, but 2 people who were suppose to be your "people"? Everything I have read on the website has been about mostly someone having an affair with a coworker, but how do you deal with a friend that you thought was your best friend? Do you speak to her and let her know how you feel regardless of whether we are friends anymore? I feel very lost in this situation and could use some guidance!

Welcome to MB and sorry for your pain.

How long have you been married? Any children?

Who all knows about the affair? Is OW married?

Here is a story of one of our posters.

Husband's Affair with my Sister

Thank you for the sympathy.
I have been married for just over 7 months and no we do not have any children at this time. He has 3 boys from previous marriages/relationships.
I know, himself, and the OW. No the ow is not married. She went through a divorce about a year or so ago (she wanted what I had). She started in on drugs and drew my husband in with her (from what he said) and she knew that we were having difficulties in our relationship, especially when it came to intimacy and manipulated him. After their encounters she got back with her high school boyfriend who is sorry to say, but trash.

I also feel like it is eating away at me as far as who should now and not know. I want to tell my support system (mom, dad, sister) because we talk about everything. I don't know if this is something we should share with them or not, I just know that I really want to talk with them about it, I want us to talk to them about it. What would you say?

But you were not married when he slept wtih your friend, right? IF that is the case, this is not an affair and can't be treated as such. Sure, it was a deceitful betrayal, but this is not the same as an affair.

And yes, I would speak to your family so you can get the support you need.

Your husband sounds very uncaring and callous. Has he been this way in other ways? Did he have an affair in his previous marriage?

Has your husband had an affair in his previous marriages?

Regardless of whether we were married or not we were engaged to be married and that should count for something. He has been uncaring in other ways but I do not know how much of it has to do with the drug use. As far as I know he didn't have an affair or cheat previously.

In speaking with my family; should we talk to them together? What do I do if my family is not supportive?

Sure it does count, but my point is that it is not infidelity. It was dishonest, underhanded and sleazy for sure.

I would tell your family alone. You cannot force them to support you. It would be nice if they did, though.


How much of it was due to his personal choices? The drugs are not a valid excuse for poor behavior.

The point Mel is trying to make is it is not adultery. It is still a betrayal, dishonest and painful and you we can offer support to help you heal.

Is he still in contact with the OW? The relationship could have continued into your marriage, particularly as you have been married a short time - then it is defined as adultery.

Agreed the drug use does not excuse his behaviour. If he is currently having an A his "uncaring" behaviour could be due to the A - this is typical of all waywards. The drug use is an important issue though.

Mel.....I get what you are saying.

happyfuture.....No we do not speak to her. She was my friend before him and I and before we got married he begged me not to let her be on our wedding and stated that she is not a good person and he does not want her in our lives. Which now her life is nothing but a pot of you know what. She is throwing her life away from what I hear. But either way where she is doesn't matter to me because she is not and hasn't been part of our life since Feb.

Have you told your family?

No, I am torn. I want to talk to them about it, but I certainly don't want the judgment. Things have actually been really good between me and my husband this week which is wonderful. We start counseling on Monday and we are both looking forward to that.

Why do you ask if I have told my family?

When you talk to your Family and friends about it, do it without him there, otherwise the topic becomes all sorts of excuses and crocodile tears.

Ask them for both support and assistance in keeping him accountable.

Had you discovered this information prior to exchanging Wedding Vows, you may not have followed through with getting married to him.

This deception allowed you to make a commitment to a very uncommitted and uncaring man.

I am concerned about the previous relationships and children.

You definitely should buy the book, Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders written by Dr. Harley and assess which category you each fit into as described.

He sounds like an affair waiting to happen, sorry to say.

There also is a brief article available on this site which someone else may be able to find and post the link to about that topic, which narrowly surmises that premise.

LTL

Only because you mentioned you needed some support.

Have you seen this?
Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders