The thing that stops me from doing it again is seeing and feeling th pain I have caused. I never want to do that to her again. I have had 0 urge to act out since she confronted me and have made many changes in my life.

Tell me more about the hugging and crying event. What brought on the hugging and crying? Did she do this out of the blue, or was she talking to you about how unhappy she was?

Since she appeared to be wanting to come home, did you invite her back home? If not, why not?

It was out of the blue. She had come over to get her sewing machine and after I loaded into her car she came and gave me the hug and started crying. I told her to come home. She said its going to take time.

And what have you learned or been advised to do?

So what if you do have an "urge?" What changes have been made to ENSURE it never happens again? The alcoholic always "swears" he will never drink again but that has never stopped a single one.

What changes have you actually made in your lifestyle?

The counseling was to get a grasp of my depression and we have focused on identifying triggers and how to avoid them. We used to be very religious and after my father passed I stopped going and then all of my stupid adultery started. So in have been attending church again.

I understand that. That still doesn't change the fact that your wife wants to divorce you.





You gave up on her and an "us" a long, long time ago.

So sez the alcoholic who gets busted for his drinking:

"I sware I will never ever drink again!!!! I can't even stand the sight of booze!! I sware!!"""

Been working with the counselor on a relapse prevention plan and identifying triggers and how to overcome them

And after the heat dies down, the alcoholic is back drinking again!!

What changes have been made to prevent you from committing adultery again?

None of that is going to provide a safe marriage for your wife. You seem to blame your affairs on depression and your father's death.

I know I was a horrible husband. I wish I wasn't in the fog for so long or even went down that path at all. I hate seeing the pain I caused my beautiful wife.

I'm afraid this does not make a lot of sense to me. Your story is not coming across clearly because of your habit of posting as if you are texting; as briefly as possible.

Out of the blue she gave you a hug, started crying and told you she was miserable? She must have said why she was miserable. You must have discussed something. Please fill me in on the details or I am going to give up trying to help here.

What did you say after she said "it will take time"? You must have asked why it would take time, and what the problem was with simply coming home. She'd just said she missed home and was miserable, for crying out loud! You must have made more of an effort than "come home".

I can give you advice that I have put together from following Dr Harley closely on the radio shows, but I need much more input from you. At the moment my posts are longer than yours, and this is your marriage! Tell me a bit more so that I have something to work on, or I'm off to watch re-runs of Frasier.

I blame me 100%. No one forced me to do it.

Addicts love nothing better than sitting in a counselors office examining their "issues" so they don't have to make changes in their lives. They also cry massive crocodile tears about their "remorse."

Unfortunately, "remorse" is demonstrated by making radical lifestyle changes, which most addicts fail to do. All the crocodile tears and fake "remorse" don't equal CHANGE though. It is just bullcrap.

Counseling is an addicts DREAM......

Counseling = BIG DISTRACTION

Sorry I just walked in the door. I was on the train. So she came over and needed to grab her sewing machine that was still here. I walked it out to her and put it in her car. I went to go open her drivers door for her as I normally did and she came up to me crying and gave me a hug. She let me kiss her on the neck and said that she misses being home. I told her to come home. She said it is going to take time. I told her that when she's ready she'll find us (me+dogs) here. I opened her door and she got in still crying. I opened the door back up and and told her that I am here and only a call away if she needs to talk. I told her I loved her before I closed the door and she sat in the car for a few more min crying and then drove to her place.

I absolutely agree about your statements. I have made changes in my live and that has been noticed not only by her (she has said so) but also my family and her family and my church leader. I do have remorse and trying to show that by my life changes. No crocodile tears here. I am showing, not telling.

Let me put this another way, R4L, if you want to be taken seriously as a safe person, then stop wasting your time going to counseling and focus on ways to make it impossible to commit adultery. Affair proof your life so you can NEVER commit adultery again. Otherwise you are a losing proposition.

And how do you do this? You follow extraordinary precautions such as:

1. ending all opposite sex friendships
2. eliminating all social networking
3. getting a new phone # and email address
4. giving your wife the passwords to all devices
5.Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).
6. Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).
7. Spend leisure time together.
8. Change jobs and relocate if necessary.
9. Avoid overnight separation.
10. Allow technical accountability.
11. Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends

And since you are a serial cheater, you should consider going into a business together so you can be together 24/7. There should be no part of your life that is not completely transparent to her.