I do do well in school.

You are not being bashed. If you want to be helped you need to listen and keep an open mind. No one is going to soft sell the situations for you. I can imagine your self esteem is not good after an affair, and that makes sense. Good self esteem comes from behaving in esteemable ways and not allowing others to degrade you as this professor has.

But your marriage and your children's family has NOT.

Melody I agree with you for the most part. But how would working full time at a job in my field that pays nothing make our marriage better. I am still gone and we are still stressed. This way I am making things better long term financially. If my husband got another job it'd be the same thing. We are just broke and have two babies, that a fact of life. Also I DO work from home too working a small biz that has eased our stress some. You can ask my husband that.

Ps there are men everywhere....the gym, school, jobs. I can't live in a bubble when we are broke,

Do you expect your husband to be at home while you work night rotations? Some of the cops I worked with make a SPORT out of chatting up bored night nurses and bringing them coffee.

You are not an illiterate HS drop out, surely there are other career fields?

Another fact is my husband makes enough to pay our rent a few of our bills, he does not have a degree. The twins were unplanned at 1 year of marriage and we are trying to cope. We have barely made it financially. We can't live like this much longer and I have to change it.

Yes. But some jobs are more vulnerable. Nursing is a terrible choice for women who can be buttered up. You realize you weren't the first student he did that with right? He's not an idiot, it is likely a pattern. Did you go to his home? Or did you take his word he was divorced?

I guess you can't see me and know me but I get hit on by men all of the time. I am tall, blonde and workout alot, thats just how it is. I can handle some [censored] men bothering me. My husband is also very attractive, most people tell me he looks like lenny kravitz LOL. Everyone gets hit on.

No never. I guess I did. I think he really is.

Again I know you prob won't believe it but he did NOT hit on me. Like I said I get hit on at least 1-2 times a month or more. It wasn't about that to me I am used to that.

Here is the thing to remember: being happy is what provides quality of life, not making money. Your current path in pursuit of a career has destroyed your quality of life, your husband's life and your children's life.

Might be time to find a better way!

Being a PT is not the only job you can have. Many people get good jobs that complement their marriages in fields unrelated to their degree. For example, I am a Sr Sales Manager at a soft drink company and my degree is in English.

I recruit for my company and we bring in people all the time who have degrees in unrelated fields. You are not limited to ONE single occupation with your degree.

I'm kind of confused by the emphasis on proving whether you are good or bad. It is totally distracting from the real issue: there are circumstances under which ANY person would have an affair. We have to pull you out of the circumstances in which you have previously had an affair. The conditions that led to your affair have to be eliminated.

Lots of times a couple will agree to swinging, an open marriage, drug use, child abuse, or any number of other destructive activities - both of them completely enthusiastic. It doesn't make the activity any the less destructive to the marriage and their lives. Even if they have great logical reasons why the activity should be engaged in.

The point is that there are LOTS of ways to solve this problem - if you want to recover your marriage, you will need to rule out the solutions that involve staying in the circumstances that led to an affair. Pick from one of the many other numerous alternatives.

Nobody told you you need to work on your self-esteem. Comments like that make me think maybe you aren't reading closely. We really have seen lots of couples in situations very similar to yours come through this and recover their marriages. We can tell you what works and what does not. We are here to help - and helping doesn't mean encouraging you when you pick a risky and disastrous course of action.

I TOTALLY agree with the $ thing. Which is why I didn't marry someone who made more $ or had a degree. I married who I loved and thought would fit with me best. But there is something to be said for not scraping by each month and paying of student loans.

I don't understand why you keep saying this?? Any man who has an affair with a married man has just SPIT IN HER FACE. It is not flattering. Whether you are out chasing men like an alley cat or he chased you does not change the point. It just highlights the fact that you are out chasing men, which only emphasizes how dangerous you are.

Most people are looking for single people and will check for rings. It's not hard to do. It's very insulting to be hit on while wearing a ring and get the 'hey you look like like an adulteress' line. It's also very easy to learn how to not attract that sort of attention. Don't respond to the insult like it is a compliment. Men won't hit on a woman wearing a ring unless she looks dumb enough to have an affair.

I find it astonishing that you think it is because you are attractive. In fact attractive women are LESS likely to succumb to an offer to have an affair as an ego boost. Men know this!



Do you think a job that causes a divorce where you both have to pay for TWO households will help? Any idea how much divorce lawyers cost?

Fix the marriage first, then rebuild the wealth. Stop putting the cart before the horse and thinking short term. So what if you are broke for a while if you are together? Money can always be remade, marriages can not.

Most recovered marraiges here do far better financially AFTER they stop treating money like a god and start working like a team.

So are you all saying unless I quit school and change my career you don't want to give us advice?