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Joined: Jun 2014
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The man is married. My husband did not want to tell our daughter all the details. When he left he told her that we needed to some time apart to figure things out. When he returned home after a month he told me that he forgave me a long time ago and to never to do something this stupid again. We were fine for a week. I believe he has triggers where he's fine for a few days and then it comes crumbling down and he treats me like crap. He says he is tired of feeling like this and doesn't know what to do.
Gmclove
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Joined: Jun 2011
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It's too confusing to your daughter to be lied to like this. From her perspective her father left for no reason at all.
What transparency measures have you offered him from the list? Can you handwrite an NC letter and give it to your H?
My fear is that he is trying to 'suck it up' without letting anyone else face consequences. Like you with exposure to your daughter. That won't work and he won't feel better till he gets offers of just compensation.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Jun 2014
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What exactly do you mean compensation?
Gmclove
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Joined: Jul 2008
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Gmclove,
Since the man is married, please expose this to his betrayed wife, this is part of just compensation.
God Bless
Gamma
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Joined: May 2013
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We were fine for a week. I believe he has triggers where he's fine for a few days and then it comes crumbling down and he treats me like crap. He says he is tired of feeling like this and doesn't know what to do. My BH was much like yours during the early part of our recovery, he would be fine for hours or day's, then something would trigger him and we would be love busting left, right and center. The ONLY way we were able to stop his triggers was to move! We both quit our jobs, packed what little we had and moved across the country. Are you able to move?
FWW, 36
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How close do you live to OM?
Will your BH come to MB to post?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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What exactly do you mean compensation? Have you read the Basic Concepts? See the red tabs at the top of the page..also Q&A and Articles. A WS should compensate the BS for the damage the affair has done to the marriage. Surviving An Affair - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8001_affair.html
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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No
My H will come to post. He will not accept any help of any kind. And we close to each other. I have had no contact or seen the OM since Dec 2013
Gmclove
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Gmclove,
So why has the OMW, other mans wife, not been told?
God Bless
Gamma
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Tell your kids the truth, they deserve it and so does your husband.
Expose to the OM wife immediately.
Figure out how to move away.
You have to carry the load for awhile.
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jun 2014
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Thank you for all the replies. So far the information you have given seems correct. My husband is going thru a roller coaster of emotions. I'm just afraid he'll act on these emotions and end our marriage. I guess what I am looking for is he seemed fine from Aug 13 until jan 2014 when he finally approached me about the picture. After he exposed it things just went sore, the distance he gives and how he said he is miserable and can't seem to get past it. He says he's trying by being home but I believe you have to do more than that to make it work. If he is being distant how do I know how to behave around him? I read an article about doing 180 and I'm not sure if that pertains to me.
Gmclove
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Thank you for all the replies. So far the information you have given seems correct. My husband is going thru a roller coaster of emotions. I'm just afraid he'll act on these emotions and end our marriage. I guess what I am looking for is he seemed fine from Aug 13 until jan 2014 when he finally approached me about the picture. After he exposed it things just went sore, the distance he gives and how he said he is miserable and can't seem to get past it. He says he's trying by being home but I believe you have to do more than that to make it work. If he is being distant how do I know how to behave around him? I read an article about doing 180 and I'm not sure if that pertains to me. He is acting this way because he is full of resentment right now because neither of you have done anything to recover your marraige. The pain, resentment and anger doesn't just go away because you say so, it has to be compensated for so it actually disappears. It appears like you are looking for a quick fix but your H cant start recovery until you compensate him for the horror you've brought upon him. Read the basic concepts, get the book Surviving and Affair and build a great marriage. It takes work and it will take you compensating your H so he feels better. Speaking as a BH I will tell you, we don't want to ask for anything we want you to recognize what you've done and make up for it. Don't ask to make up for it, just do it.
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