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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 8
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Joined: Jun 2014
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Also he initiated at work the harassment charges and we have been together in trying to figure the legal part out.
Also this affair was not years. took place over the course of 2+ months -- proof of that does not come from H, comes from investigation
Last edited by MandMParker; 07/01/14 12:12 PM.
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
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We thought the loophole was closed. She trolled the internet until a post made to a football website two years before was found and replied to it. We got a message in e-mail about someone replying to it (we thought it was a fantasy football game reference). We had no idea it was her until WE looked it up. SO the NC part is there except that she is attempting to stalk us. The contacts are being made through a third party at H work at this point Then once he leaves the workplace a RO may have to be pursued if she does this again. Again, your WH's mess to clean up since he decided to have an affair with someone who has stalking tendencies.
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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,956 Likes: 1
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Joined: Dec 2010
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I will try and be as short as possible:
We have made some great strides. The Husband's affair ended, full exposure and and access has been given.
At the start of the exposure, husband left his job and had another. After we were directly contacted by the OW that she was leaving the company, He fought to get his job back and let the other go. Now she has not left and we are stuck with a double problem that we are seeking advice on....
1) Husband is willing to leave his job, but we can not maintain financially -- loss of either income means a loss of home and being in dire straits within 20-60 days. We do not have the money to move out of the area as well.
2) The OW has turned crazy. She has lied heavily both in public and at work, often with different stories each time. She has tried to make contact with both of us, and not for apologetic reasons. A formal Harassment complaint was filed against her at husband's work and we are considering if we have enough legally for a stalking protective order.
So how do we accomplish the task of eliminating her from our lives without losing everything else? If you want to recover your marriage, your marriage must become first priority over everything else. I know and completely understand that finances are very important and that your situation seems impossible at this time, but in order to recover your marriage, you and your H will need to do whatever is necessary to get the OW out of your life, even if it means moving away. Lots of people on this forum have lost homes, gone on welfare, lost jobs, moved away in order to get away from the OW or OM. It's drastic, but that's what recovery often takes. Dr. Harley often says on his radio show that affairs are so common and SO destructive that we need to do everything we possible can, in the form of Extraordinary Precautions, to avoid them. Adultery causes not only pain and heartbreak but also frequently brings financial problems as well. If you want to stay in your home and keep your jobs and your finances going, then be prepared for a lot of trouble in your marriage by your H staying employed with the OW.
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
So how do we accomplish the task of eliminating her from our lives without losing everything else?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
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I think it may be important to note that we are doing as much together as is humanly possible in "righting the ship" so to speak. The first step is to: LEAVE THE JOB. No recovery will take place unless that happens.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
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I am just seeking advice and how we can move forward and it feels as though the "advice" is more about HOW we should be posting rather than what is going on. I have been reading many posts, some longer, some shorter than others and there is very little of this so I guess I am confused as to why that is all I am getting (save for one reply). We are giving you advice on how to recieve the MOST advice. If you write a novel loaded with unnecessary information, you are not going to get much help. VEry few people have time to read such a long post. And if you are rude to those of us who are taking our own VALUABLE time to post to you, you will run off the posters. We all have jobs, kids, marriages and we are volunteers.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
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I took my own VALUABLE TIME to make this response and have not even recieved an acknowledgment. Did you even read my post? It seems to have been entirely dismissed above.[you were complaining you "just received one reply"  ] I will just state that your marriage will not recover unless he leaves the job. Recovery is impossible and cannot even begin until that happens. Of course they are in contact at work. Your husband is not going to tell you when they hook up at work.
Call the ow's husband and expose this affair to everyone. Expose to your children , family, friends, and to the OWs Facebook friends. And most especially, expose to human resources. Do this directly without forewarning your husband.
Once the affair is truly ended, you can start on the steps of recovery outlined in Survivng an Affair.
I am very, very alarmed for you because the longer this drags out the more entrenched it becomes and the more likely this bunny boiler OW turns up pregnant. You need to stop playing around with this and get him out of that job or you will have nothing left.
And one final question: have either of you have an affair in your last marriages?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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