Good deal. I would just get divorced. And yes, I would go into Plan B if I were you. Having him hang around will make life much more painful for you.

Brainhurts, he hasn't contributed any money since February except he did buy some diapers for the baby. He did sign over the cows so i could sell them to have money. And then was annoyed that I did sell them.
No I don't want to live like this. Someone earlier in the thread said I might as well wait until we are divorced to Plan B. I definitely need space after we are divorced.

There is no reason to wait to go into Plan B. And it will make the divorce much easier on you if you do.

I agree. Go into Plan B and then after divorce remain in Plan B, and protect yourself from his abuse.

Okay. It was so nice when I was in Plan B last summer, i didn't have the roller coaster.
The funny thing is his OW accuses me of being abusive! I don't think he views what he does as abusive, maybe because he thinks he feels bad, and he isn't around to see the consequences on his kids and I. His attitude is to just run from everything. Just not respond to people.
Thanks so much for all your help, I haven't been the best at following it but I do appreciate it! If I had followed it to a T, things would have gone differently.

With the ages of your children, you should stay in Plan B. Who cares what that "lady" thinks! Focus on your children and yourself.

I just looked up my divorce case online and it has been finalized. Should I move my thread to the divorced section? I'm not even sure how to do that. Or just start a new thread in the divorced section?
WH's dad was my mediator when I was in Plan B last summer, but I think he's too close to the situation and just devastated by his son's actions, to be an effective mediator now.
Would it be better to have a mediator locally, or have someone on this forum? I can get someone to meet him with the kids, so I just need a mediator for communication.
Thoughts?

If you want to start a new thread in divorcing you can do that or if you'd like to have this thread moved I would ask the MODS.

I agree with you that your XFIL won't be able to keep is emotions at bay, and so I would look for another IM. You can ask for someone from the forum or someone you know that can act as a "filter". Have you read the IM training thread?

How are you doing?

Hi Brainhurts,
I'm doing okay, actually I'm kind of mad or disgusted or something. Not sure. I'm glad I'm really busy with college so I have something to take my mind off it. Feeling a little adrift maybe? I know the kids and I will be fine, I guess I'm just not looking forward to the strangeness of it all and how hard it will be on the kids, especially after I read on here how crappy waywards are to their own flesh and blood children, reminds me of the movie Liar Liar.
Right now I'm sitting in a college hallway surrounded by youngsters who don't even have a notion of what lies ahead in life and i'm kind of jealous of their innocence.

My thoughts on the mediator are that 1) I hate to put anyone I know in the middle of this, 2) I can't think of anyone who would be neutral enough, 3) people have enough of their own stuff to deal with without having to deal with mine too, 4) I hate to impose on anyone on here either, 5) is there such a thing as a professional mediator that would handle communications (although that could get too expensive)?

Megz, I can IM for you if you'd like. Just ask the mods for my email.

I am happy to be a back-up option.

Well there you have it. You have two MB volunteers to be your IM. I would encourage you to take them up on it.

Oh you guys are wonderful! I can't thank you enough!! I'll send a message to the moderators for you contact info!

Thanks to Ever2Late for her help being the mediator!

I almost forgot a question i had:
How do I handle kids performances that they want their dad at?
My daughter has a performance coming up the end of the summer. I would rather he didn't come at all, but I know my daughter will be really sad if he's not. If she doesn't mention it I definitely won't say anything.
However, if she does ask: I have to/want to be there because i have to haul her horse there and get it ready for her and things, plus of course I want to be there for her. It's at a rodeo arena with bleacher seating. That SHOULD be plenty of room I wouldn't have to bump into him, unless he seeks me out, but I'm sure he will want to see her/the kids. The only thing I could think of is if I designate a place for him to be, on the other side of the arena from where I will be, where she could go see him if she feels like. What do you think?

thanks

Can someone chime in on Megz question?

I think the thing to remember is that you can only control you, so you can't tell him what to do and where to sit. But you can control where you go and sit.

In Plan B, it's best if you arrange NOT to see him, even if it means disappointing your daughter.

On the other hand, I've heard Dr. Harley say on his radio program that if you know in advance the spouse will be there, and the situation is absolutely unavoidable, as in a wedding or graduation, you should take a bit of tranquilizer to get through the time.

Breaks in Plan B are painful, though, and you should do all you can to avoid seeing him.

Here is some good information on this.
Special/Important Events While in Plan B

I just listened to the link in the thread BrainHurts attached to your thread. Dr. Harley said in the segment that if a situation is unavoidable that the BS should see her doctor about prescribing an antidepressant to take a few days before the event and a few days following the event.

This event coming up is avoidable, and you should do all you can to ensure you don't have to run into the WS, including not inviting him, even though your daughter will be disappointed.

Thanks for your help everyone, and thanks Brainhurts for the link, that was helpful. when she brings it up, I will talk to her about it and make sure she understands its painful for me, and would be less stressful all around if he wasn't there.
It's sad that my kids have to deal with crappy adult stuff like this and grow up too fast. I feel like it's difficult teaching them the fine line between standing up for themselves and still being respectful/polite. Cause I'm sure I will get blamed and turned into a witch for "turning the kids against him".

I would agree with Longway. Avoid telling him about it. YOU are the one who has to prepare ans haul the horse there. There is no reason for him to go.