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Marriage Builders Forums General Discussion Dating and Relationships When I think about dating or marrying again...

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When I think about dating or marrying again... #2792349 03/28/14 02:41 PM
Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 12 T TakesTwo Junior Member
TakesTwo Junior Member T Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 12	....I can't imagine ever doing it. How can I ever trust someone so completely again? How can I ever entwine my life with someone else so tightly that I am once again vulnerable to someone else's choices? How can I bring another father figure into my children's lives when they are dealing with so much pain from my divorce? It is a very scary prospect. I am reading all I can here on MB and it is exciting to think that marriage can be so wonderful. But finding someone that will understand the work marriage takes and be willing to do it seems impossible. I have no plans to date right now and I am pretty happy as a single mother, but I do think about the future and new relationship just seems so out of reach. When do you know when the time is right?

Re: When I think about dating or marrying again... TakesTwo #2792368 03/28/14 03:38 PM
Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe J Jedi_Knight Member
Jedi_Knight Member J Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe	When you decide you want to get married, I suppose. A good movie to watch on this is Gentlemen Prefer Blonds. Have you seen it? The women try to find rich men to marry. Last edited by Jedi_Knight; 03/28/14 03:39 PM.

Re: When I think about dating or marrying again... TakesTwo #2792408 03/28/14 05:19 PM
Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 Moved to Uranus B BrainHurts Member
BrainHurts Member B Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 Moved to Uranus	Have you read this and listened to the clips at the end? Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.

Re: When I think about dating or marrying again... TakesTwo #2793063 03/31/14 06:42 AM
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,650 UK I indiegirl Member
indiegirl Member I Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,650 UK	Originally Posted by TakesTwo ....I can't imagine ever doing it. How can I ever trust someone so completely again? How can I ever entwine my life with someone else so tightly that I am once again vulnerable to someone else's choices? How can I bring another father figure into my children's lives when they are dealing with so much pain from my divorce? ? You don't do those things all at once! The purpose of a first date is just to suss out potential. Trust is not your responsibility. It's a reaction, not an action. If you want to laugh, find someone funny. If you want to trust, find someone trustworthy. It's a feeling that someone will only be able to give you by being completely open and transparent, hiding nothing about their life or their thoughts. My advice would be not to trust. Go out there with all the wariness hard-won experience has gifted you with. It will make you a better interviewer and more likely to find the right candidate. What would you do if you were not afraid? "Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Re: When I think about dating or marrying again... TakesTwo #2793894 04/02/14 03:20 PM
Joined: May 2012 Posts: 360 K KeepLearning Member
KeepLearning Member K Joined: May 2012 Posts: 360	Originally Posted by TakesTwo But finding someone that will understand the work marriage takes and be willing to do it seems impossible. Hi TakesTwo, if it seems impossible to find someone willing to do the work marriage takes, then I'm guessing you think the work is difficult? Have you seen this quote from one of Dr. Harley's Q&A responses? Quote Good marriages are not hard work. In fact they seem to chug along quite nicely with very little thought. It's bad marriages that are hard work. It's possible you'll know the time is right when you meet someone and, after taking enough time to develop your relationship, find that your relationship is great and doesn't require a lot of work.

Re: When I think about dating or marrying again... KeepLearning #2809669 07/03/14 11:53 PM
Joined: Jul 2014 Posts: 4 L lindasaw358 Junior Member
lindasaw358 Junior Member L Joined: Jul 2014 Posts: 4	When you totally overcome your past. When you ready to face it again. Don't trust someone too easy. You need to develop that.

Re: When I think about dating or marrying again... lindasaw358 #2810255 07/10/14 09:08 AM
Joined: Dec 2012 Posts: 155 1 1995droptopz Member
1995droptopz Member 1 Joined: Dec 2012 Posts: 155	When I dated after my divorce, I learned from my mistakes and watched for red flags that were apparent during my marriage to my ExWW. If they could not manage their own affairs or had too much life drama I did not want any part of it. When I met somebody special, I dated for 5 months before even introducing to my daughter. Me DH33 Her DW33 DS3 Divorced WxW38 7/09 DD9

Re: When I think about dating or marrying again... 1995droptopz #2810258 07/10/14 09:47 AM
Joined: May 2009 Posts: 2,708 Our Planet Earth (small world!... R reading Member
reading Member R Joined: May 2009 Posts: 2,708 Our Planet Earth (small world!...	You are able to date again when you feel like you can take or leave being with someone (it makes you more discerning) you are willing to go through the practice of dating (you learn from each date about yourself and your needs and your approach to interacting) you will never naively trust again, but that is a good thing. It is what creates a climate where you can be complacent about your romantic relationship. MB is all about 'trust but verify'. Time helps work through emotions that you are left with after a divorce.

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