Do you think you can see a doctor for some help with the sleeping? Maybe an anti-depressant while you are going through this? Natural remedies might help a bit, too, but I know when I'm anxious and my thoughts won't stop, medicine is so helpful.

Try and eat small portions of healthy foods that will keep up your energy.

Are you able to get out a bit for some light exercise with or without your daughter? Or can you manage some exercise in the house? Exercise can help a bit with the stress you are experiencing.

A VAR is a voice-activated recorder. People put them in places like under the seat of a car or other place that the spouse is in a lot, so they can hear conversations taking place between the two people. There's info in the Operation Investigate forum. But you may not need one if you are getting all you need from texts and emails.

Here's an excellent thread on exposure. While you are snooping and gathering information and caring for yourself and your daughter, take some time to read through it.

Exposure 101 - Your Most Powerful Weapon

Be working quietly on putting together a list of exposure targets: your friends and family, her friends and family. And remember, you are actually doing them a favor by exposing. They are about to wreck not only the lives of the people who love them and depend them on them, but their own lives as well.

I just went on an anti depressant a few weeks ago. I was already struggling with depression and anxiety (due to my daughter's condition). The dr offered me a sleep aid when I followed up with her a few days ago. I can't really do that because I need to be alert to care for my daughter in the night. I just grabbed a granola bar and will work on small healthy snacks. I try to take my daughter out for walks and to play in the backyard. I'll make sure I keep up with that. Thank you!

This is because has been lied to and told it is a "friendship."


No. Not anymore than an alcoholic can become a social drinker. Your H and this married woman have already crossed the line. I would take all of the evidence and show it to the husband and to church authorities. Your H needs to be removed as pastor. He is an unfit pastor and if you don't hold him accountable, you will become an accessory to the crime.

PW, you don't need him to listen: you need to expose the affair to church authorities and demand that he leave his position. Your husband won't "listen" until he is removed from his position of authority and contact has ended with his woman. Don't take the incriminating evidence to HIM, the fox in the henhouse, take it to his superiors so they can remove your husband.

Exactly! Don't confront him with the evidence - he ALREADY KNOWS.

Movies? He goes with her to the movies?

Don't you see? Your husband is dating another woman.
Nothing more, nothing less.

What married person goes to movies alone with a woman who's not a close relative? One who's in an affair, that's who. (Unless maybe you're in your 80s or something... I dunno...) You know this. That's what brought you here.

Whether it's gone physical yet is practically immaterial, because what's more important is that the division of his emotional loyalties has already occurred. (That's why he's resisting any notion that you -- his wife -- suggest regarding breaking it off with her.) That division of emotional loyalty is the threat to your being able to have the kind of relationship you want to have with your spouse.

Now, it can be fixed & your marriage can be saved -- but not until she's 100% out of his life. I guess that's probably not what you want to hear, but it's better that you know the truth, so that you can act on that basis.

Oh my goodness, I've lived through this. Sneaking around wasn't exactly my wxh's style. So he took the 'we are just friends and hey I thought YOU were her friend, too' approach. This just makes them exceptionally brazen and they practically date right in front of you.

After telling him (as you did) I was sick of hearing her name and watching him text her, he told me our relationship wasn't as friendly as theirs was. 'OK', I said - 'Lets get out and have more fun like I've been dying to'. He came home and told me he had got comedy club tickets. I was delighted, except they weren't for me, they were for her because 'It's more her thing and she has been through so much'. When I objected he got all stiff necked and said he wouldn't go but 'you girls' go together because he didn't want her to miss out. She was the absolute centre of his existence.

I was stood there with my jaw hanging open at his nerve, but his being so brazen made it almost harder to beleive. Was he really cheating in front of my eyes?

The good news is it makes your job far easier. Brazen people are sloppy. I discovered my WH's affair without any gadgets because he had a hotel receipt right there in his pocket. It also means people greet the exposure news with relief. They had all thought they were beahving weird too, but you seemed OK with it. One person I exposed too had been very uncomfortable with their body language when she saw them out togehter and another person had seen them holding hands.

I'm really sorry but you are in the best place you can be. Some dedicated snooping on your part and they won't be this brazen for long.

Well, I feel absolutely sick... And also like I might have a heart attack. I've been snooping heavily the last couple of days. The key logger I installed on our home computer hasn't turned up anything. However, I logged into our Att account and looked at his call log. It seems like they talk on the phone about every three days. This morning was the gold mine/heart break when I had an uninterrupted hour to look through his computer history on his work computer. I fund a recent article he read entitled 6 Signs She Wants to Kiss You for the First Time. Also unearthed a secret email address I couldn't crack the password for... Then this afternoon I was randomly snooping through his regular email. We have always been open with our email accounts. Found an etsy receipt for a pretty silver ring not in my size that he delivered to his work address two months ago! I'm pretty devastated right now.

This confirms for you what you already knew in your heart. Save the evidence and expose this affair. Don't waste months like I did pretending and believing the "friend" nonsense. If you wait, it will be all that much harder to kill the affair.

I would look for more solid evidence of a romantic relationship. The secret email and the ring delivered to his work place are both suspicious, to be sure, but it can easily be explained away by a good liar. Even the article is something that a curious person can click through just for interest.

Can you put a VAR at his office? In his car?

Bump for preachers wife